Once upon a time, in a quiet village, a magical girl appeared one night. She walked through the village's streets, watching her surroundings and the people that were in it. She noticed a woman on the side of the street, begging for money, a child bargaining with a vendor to get an extra piece of food for himself, a family, shivering in the cold, huddled together.
She was known around the land, as the magical girl who helped people in need. To keep herself from being noticed, she wore a large dark cloak.
Walking up to the child bargaining with the vendor, she pulled out some coins, and paid for his food. The young boy looked up to her and shyly mumbled a "Thanks." The girl smiled, and nodded, walking to the cold family, handing them blankets and warm food. The mother, who was awake, covered her sleeping family with the warm blankets and smiled to the girl.
Lastly, the woman begging on the street noticed what she was doing. As the magic girl approached her, she said, "Don't use any magic on me. I don't need anyone to pity me." And with that, the magical girl nodded, and walked away.
The next morning, the woman begging on the streets awoke to piles of bags filled to the brim with money, along with a note, saying: 'I never pitied you, I was in your situation before.' The cold family woke up warm and fed with the blankets and warm food. The young boy recieved a package at his door, filled with all sorts of food.
The magical girl, was never seen in the village again.
10 comments:
I really liked the idea of this magical girl who helps those in need. I also enjoyed how the magical girl reacted to the woman begging on the street and that you gave insight about this girl's background. You did a good job of making the magical girl seem mysterious. Nice and unique story.
I really enjoyed this short story. At first, I was suspicious of the magical girl, but she turned out to be an angel in disguise. I especially liked the fact that she had experienced poverty at one point in her life - that small fact made her actions all the more impactful.
-Christina Tapia
Short and sweet - I like that. I love the idea of magical people coming and helping those in need; the fact that she held the guise of someone who's up to no good - with the dark cloak "to keep her from being noticed" - but actually helped people was a nice touch. I do have to wonder where the girl went if she never visited the village again... all in all, good job; I thought this was a warm and touching story.
I enjoyed the fact that the magical girl helped those in need, because most people who have powers in other stories focus on "bigger" problems instead of these people's problems, and in other stories people who have powers also use their powers for themselves. I also liked that the girl was poor at one point in her life, which made her helping other people more significant. Great job, I enjoyed reading this whole story, especially with all the details included.
Jose Mancillas
This was such a nice story! The way you described the magical girl was perfect because you really were able to convey how kind and selfless she was by describing how she walked up to help all of these people without being asked. I also like that you included the woman who didn't want pity because I think it made your story more realistic and easier to picture. The way that you organized it so that we saw all of the problems in the beginning and how they were solved in the end was a really good thing to do because it got me invested in the characters and it put a smile on my face to know their lives were made just a little bit better. Your use of imagery was also really great because it made me sad to picture all these people going through hard times, and because you described their hardships so well, her good deeds were much more inspiring and affected me even more as a reader.
That was a beautiful story, I honestly wish some parts of the world that are in need can have that magical girl because they need it. I'm pretty sure they'll be grateful. The mysterious magical girl, i like it .
Funmi Sule
Per.2
I greatly enjoyed this work because of its originality. This work was very kind and loving towards those who were needy at the time.
Now I understand why the girl is “magical.” Initially, I couldn’t comprehend why this girl was considered “magical”. I thought that in order to be “magical,” it required one to have supernatural powers; however, that is not how the story ended. I like this piece because it is sweet and shares an important message. Kindness does not come from pity; it comes from genuine care. Great job!
Such a good short story, I felt like there was a mythical aspect to it that in my opinion really complimented the piece as a whole. I could see this turning into a children's novel of some sort. Excellent job!
That was a nice story! The use of imagery in the first paragraph easily allowed the reader to be "brought into" the setting of your story and "see" all of these characters in their heads. Nicely done!
-Hsing Chang
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