Find the shape and tell it!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
"Gravity" by Ryanne N
On the end of the Timmy’s street there was a old wooden house. A house no one new what was inside, a house no one live in. Timmy wanted to go in the house and know the real truth about the old house. Timmy heard rumors that the old house was haunted with ghosts. A person said once you go in you will never be able to come back out. The one rumor Timmy hears the most is once you go in, there will not be gravity. Timmy didn’t believe any of the rumors. Late at night Timmy headed to the old wooden house at the end of the street. Timmy walked up to the front step. The creeks the steps made startled Timmy. He put his hand on the dirty door knob and thrust open the door. Timmy stepped inside and was flung to the ceiling. The stories were true. Gravity definitely did not work the right way in this house.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
26 comments:
I think that one of the characteristics of outer space that interest the minds of humans is the idea of there being no gravity. I enjoyed how you intertwined this common idea of obsession for many into your flash fiction. Your scary story was fresh with the use of this original interest. Most of the time scary movies use ghosts, possessions, or a serial killer to create a reason for the characters to venture into bad situations. I enjoyed your new take on the classic scary story.
Alyssa Anderson
I like this writing prompt
I liked how you made your story about a typical scary house in a neighborhood unique. The idea of a house with no gravity is really interesting. I enjoyed the suspense you created as Timmy walked up to the house and how right away he was flung to the ceiling. Good plot development and overall well written story.
This story made me laugh out loud. It went from being somewhat creepy and foreboding to highly comical. The concluding sentence was priceless. Nice job!!
-Christina Tapia
I like how the story ended with something tragic happening. It is crazy how Timmy went to the ceiling as soon as he went inside of the house. Great job.
-Josh Bryan
i love the story i read it when mrs.c assigned it and it changed in a good way i lijke is alot
I liked how you added a little of background to rumors about the house, and loved the detail you put on the dirtiness of the house and the detail of the gravity change when Timmy steps into the creepy abandoned house.
Jose Mancillas
i like the ending of the story. it really brought a twist to the whole story. good job
the ending was really good I liked how you had me wanting to read more. It is a very interesting story but the funny part was how he flew to the ceiling as soon as he walked in. I liked your story keep up the good work.
~Laura Tormos P.2
This is such an interesting story! I really wish there was more.. Did Timmy get out? Did he stay there long enough to figure out the truth about the house? I had tons of questions!! Your introduction was well written because it set the tone of the story as tense and mysterious which kept me on the edge of my seat. Really good job describing Timmy as he went up the steps too! When the stair creaked.. I knew something bad was going to happen!! Great job setting up the story and building it up and then finally ending with a big shock when he flies up to the ceiling!!! This was a fun read.
Although it was a very short story, I liked how it ended very much. You ended it with the expected outcome, which seems to be really rare these days. It's always about the unexpected. Good job!
Short but good in all ways. Had some suspense some situational irony and made for a good short story. Well written and I really enjoyed the ending.
this story is a very abstract concept that definetly pulls on one's imagination. i like the fact that you used the almost cliche house and the little boy named Timmy in a new refreshing way. Excellent ;)
- Justin Myers
Humans are naturally curious. Even though Timmy was told what happened in the house, he still wanted to go check it out by himself. But who said curiosity is bad thing? Good Job!
Since the story is so short I liked how you got straight to the point with the discrete details. very interesting
-Erin Napoleon
I liked this work. Although this work was short, it showed strong emphasis on the topic and intrigued me none the less.
I loved how abstract the theme of your story was. It was very unique and creative and offered something knew for us to read and understand. Great Job
- Marcopolo Anzora
This story is very mysterious. I enjoyed how creative this piece was. I suggest some revising because I did notice a few grammatical errors. The few errors took away from the suspenseful effect that you intended for your audience to experience. For example, after “late at night,” it would be more effective if there were a comma following the fragment. The pause creates more suspense for your readers. Nonetheless, the piece was great. Keep up the good work(:
I really like the mystery of the story. I also liked how you added a charater to the story that was up for the mystery to find out for themselves
Even though it is fairly short that small passage could be a huge segment to a much larger story, it definitely addressed all the points that were needed.
That was an interesting short story with the concept of a room that defies the laws of gravity. Wish there was more as I wanted to know what happened to Timmy after being flung into the ceiling. Good job nevertheless!
-Hsing Chang
Good job on your story!! even though it was a short story i liked how you added a bit of suspense in to the story. I also liked how you were just straight to the point but it would of have been good if you described the character Timmy a bit more. And also add a little bit of background into it , but otherwise good job!!
-Natalie Anguiano
Short and too the point, good work but i wouldn't this piece having some more depth about the speculation of the house, and maybe a possible example of a little story that maybe one of Timmy's friends heard about. The creativity in this piece is fantastic, makes me want to know why the house has no gravity. Excellent work!
Nice short story that you developed. This really shows a good example of curiosity killed that cat. I really enjoyed it good job and thanks!
I enjoyed this because it was so suspenseful, yet it was short and sweet which made it interesting quite fast. Good job!! -McKynzie Fort p.1
Great job! I loved the suspense in this story! I wish that there was more to this story, but other than that, I really enjoyed this story! Good Job!
Post a Comment