A
plush teddy bear flew above her head, its dreams of flying finally fulfilled.
It landed on the ground in front of her, barely missing the ice. The roar was
deafening, the cheers were echoing; sound waves bounced off the walls of the Iceberg
Skating Palace, onto the glass panels of the rink.
“Skylar, you’re next. You ready?” her coach’s familiar voice
asked. Her coach had been the only one who had never given up on her, even when
she couldn’t pass the Freestyle 4 level test after two times, even when all she
had wanted was to give up on herself.
“Ready as I’ll ever be, Coach.” she replied. One foot at
a time, Skylar carefully removed her skate guards, and placed them on the
railing. She smoothed down her sparkly burgundy leotard, and stepped onto the
ice. The chill of the frozen rink immediately greeted her, and she lost sense
of the whereabouts of the tip of her nose.
“Skylar Arendelle, representing the United States of
America.” The crowd applauded, although of course, their cheers were about a
decibel less than they had been for the previous contestant, who had been on
home turf. She suppressed a giggle as she thought of her friend’s “rushing
Russians” pun. Gliding to the middle, she felt her nerves slowly evaporating
(or rather, freezing) as she reveled in the delicate feeling of balancing on
two steel blades: dangerous, yet comforting at the same time. Daring herself to
finally face the audience and the judges’ piercing eyes, she looked up as she
fixed herself into her starting position, her arms gracefully at her sides. She
was no longer shy, plain Skylar. She was Olympic frontrunner Skylar.
The music blared through the house speakers, the rhythm
synchronizing with the beat of her heart. She had done this routine so many times;
she could do it in her sleep. Her first difficult move came up, a combination
triple loop double axel, which she aced perfectly, landing with no hesitation.
The crowd cheered, and as she passed by the judges’ booth on her inside spiral,
she noticed that they seemed to look pleased. She continued, every move crisp
and controlled, every transition well-timed and clean. Eventually, she knew she
had only 20 seconds left of her routine, but she suddenly became nervous again,
as she knew that a triple lutz was coming soon. This had always been one of her
weaknesses, and flashbacks of her falling on this jump during her Freestyle 4
test, seven years ago, infiltrated her mind like demons. She inhaled, went into
her long glide, and jumped. In the split second in the air though, she knew
something was wrong. Her free leg wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Her
center of mass was off.
As she fell onto the ice, her alarm clock fell off her
dresser. Opening her eyes, she thought to herself, “If only I hadn’t given up
seven years ago.”
She
later tripped going down the stairs.
53 comments:
Was not expecting that. The way the story was going I was anticipating that either she will do the move perfectly or fail.
What I like about this story is that you included how it feels to be in that position and then shift suddenly to an ordinary life. The sharp contrast between the two lives helps people realize that they should go for their dreams and never give up even when other do. Also, the last sentence. haha that was great. It helped me recover from the shock and absorb the information better.
Oh gosh, I think it's only because I know you too well that I saw this story coming, but you know, you do you girl! I love THIS story so much; it's more detailed and vivid.
I like how you started the story off with, "A plush teddy bear flew above her head, its dreams of flying finally fulfilled." and how that basically foreshadowed how the whole story was just a dream to begin with. It also helps in emphasizing the "pun" of dreams; in that, in this case, dream can mean two different things.
I also like the parallelism between Skylar's last name, Arendelle (which made me chuckle), and how her hobby is related with ice! EEEEP, GO FROZEN!!
I love how you detailed everything, from specific adjectives that describes her leotard and the ice rink, to what her coach was saying, to what she was feelings, to her past memories. It created a very vivid image in my head while reading your story. And I also liked how you kept your readers on their toes!
WOOO, GOOD JOB MAN! I looooooove you. ^___^
Your story got me hooked from the start! It was very suspenseful to see what happens next! But the ending was a real surprise! I really like your twist in the end. It was very clever! I was totally not expecting that. I also really like how titled your piece "Steel Blades". It was very creative since the "steel blades" referred to the ice skates. I also like how you described how Skylar aced the triple loop double axel; I feel that I was right there watching Skylar skate! Overall, this piece was very clever and creative! Nice job!
Eva, this piece was definitely fitting for the times - what with the Olympics and all. I was completely thrown off at the end; I had to reread the last few sentences several times. I must admit, I was disappointed to learn that the main character had given up on her ice skating career. But, I like the fact that you made the ending original, rather than typical. Nice job girl!!
-Christina Tapia
Well, that was unexpected. Throughout the entire story I was excited about the subject but then you have to ruin the happiness and joy with that ending. I am just kidding, the story was very good and the ending, although it thew me off for a couple of seconds, was original but saddening at the same time. For why did she have to give up on her ice skating career?
Well, that was unexpected. Throughout the entire story I was excited about the subject but then you have to ruin the happiness and joy with that ending. I am just kidding, the story was very good and the ending, although it threw me off for a couple of seconds, was original but saddening at the same time. For why did she have to give up on her ice skating career?
The hook was great and the twist at the end really got me. I don't watch ice skating, but your story made me interested.
-Sabrina Rondero
Per.5
This story was greatly written and i love how you added that twist at the end. No one would have expected that the skater would give up her skating career that she has loved all her life. Greatly written piece and great literary skills. Great job
Nice Eva. You did a good job describing her feelings and thoughts with imagery. You also defined exactly what every athlete is truly afraid of; the day that they have to hang up the spikes (or skates) and walk off the field/ice for the last time. Its a scary thought.
nice job I really like the detail in this story I also love the ending
Eva, your imagery in this story is very vivid and realistic. I was completely thrown off guard at the end of the short story. I just simply assumed she was going to do the move perfectly. There was a lot of detail in this story and it was well organized
I like the use of imagery and mind put into this piece. Its not something that was written in one day. Even though i dont watch ice skating i understand where your coming from.
I don't know if you've ever seen those York patty commercials; where it looks all cool and refreshing and everything's crisp... that's what this piece made me feel--like I had just eaten a York peppermint patty. That's how well you used imagery in this piece. Your first-person point of view and use of details actually made me feel like I was the skater, and that shows a lot maturity in your writing. I also appreciated the message that this story told: which is to never give up on your dreams, or you will forever be waking up from them. Great Job Eva!
The beginning is very well done and I was able to picture exactly what was happening. This blog is particularly different but then again, so are all the short stories put on this blog. In fact, it's always a great experience reading these type of blogs. I like the change in tone and it made me laugh a bit. Very well thought out and it was a fun quick read. I'm sure we are able to relate to this story when it comes to being put on the spot and having butterflies. Great job!
Your story was so vivid I could feel the cold chill of the ice on my skin. Haha the ending was unexpected and I felt just as bummed out that the main character had quit as she probably did. I also like how you implemented figure skating jargon in your piece because it made every detail even more believable. Great job :)
Nice job Eva! The imagery you used in this piece was so vivid and I could picture her skating as I read. I also liked the twist at the end, and the last line which made me laugh a little bit. I really liked it!
Very nice job eva. Great job the way you described the feeling. The twist at the end was great, that was not expected at all. Great Job.
"She later tripped while going down the stairs" is probably my favorite line. Adds insult to injury... or more injury to injury.
-Kevin McCondichie
Everything was so unexpected, it kept me as a reader very interested. Great job in describing how every event happened and the use of imagery was very detailed. Showed her every emotion. Good job.
I like how there are a lot of ice skating references in here. It makes the story very realistic. I first thought that the story was going to continue to tell of Skylar's experience in the Olympics and how she felt before she got a gold medal or something, but having her wake up from a dream was a nice surprise. Good Job!
Wow, what a plot twist in the end! All throughout the story before the last two lines, I thought the main character was actually in the competition, but it unfortunately turned out to only be a dream... I liked the unique, first-person perspective you wrote this piece in, which made the whole experience seem realistic. The details you've incorporated into this also make it seem personal, and builds on to make it seem realistic. Good job!
-Hsing Chang
I loved this so much! You included such descriptive details, I could precisely picture Skylar in the skating arena anticipating her next move. I know the meaning behind this story and how much ice skating meant to you. But don’t worry, everything happens for a reason and it will always be something you were proud of doing<3
Wow Eva you did a great job! Your descriptions of every little detail made it simple for me to picture the scenario in my mind. Your foreshadowing was very well executed, because somehow, I caught on to the fact that she was dreaming before she woke up, and it takes skill to get your readers to think what you want them to think when you want them to think it. Whoa that was a mouthful. Anyway, I loved the original ending and that last sentence was PERFECT!
Ouch, slap in the face right there at that twist ending. I found myself captured in your details, which transported me onto the ice rink. The little things like removing the blade guards and loosing feeling in her nose, truly enthralled me. Excellent piece.
-Emily Wilt per 1
Eva, your use of detail really captured how graceful of a sport ice skating really is. The ending was a nice surprise, and it reminded me of how I dreamt of representing the U.S. in international competition as a child. Great work as usual Eva!
Eva, you are such an amazing writer! Everything is beautifully detailed and you have the reader on their seats waiting for what is to happen to the skater. It's amazing how these skaters can actually do what you describe, because I know if I tried any of that I'd fall on my behind :) Nice job chica!
That was an amazing story. I was not expecting the end. I pictured the setting and plot in my head that matched the description in your story. You did an amazing job describing the character and action as well as the scene. I was predicting that she was actually going to accomplish the spin for the first time and get a standing ovation but come to find out its just a dream . lol i can relate to that.
Funmi Sule
Per. 2
That twist...my jaw dropped and I was just legitimately upset. But that last line definitely added a dose of humor! The piece was riddled with vivid imagery and was really wonderful to read. I was rooting for Skylar and became nervous when it seemed she would make a mistake, and was even angry with her for giving up! Good job on an emotionally intricate piece of writing.
Oh my goodness, that ending left me so at unease! This story was very intriguing to me with your use of Physics vocabulary such as "decibel" and "center of mass" and personification of the ice. I loved very much all the imagery you embedded. I felt like I was omnisciently observing everything occurring in the ice rink; watching the crowd cheer, Skylar positioned to begin her routine, and taking off to successfully complete her triple loop double axel. Excellent piece!
-Hennessy Verduzco
SO GOOD EVA. You've always been such an amazing writer, even back in the Solorio Tiger days, lol. Your use of imagery was extremely captivating. I felt the anxiety levels rising in me as your story came to a climax. Then of course, your surprise ending catches me off guard. Typical Eva. I enjoyed the piece from start to finish!
Wow, what an amazing piece! This was such a nice, entertaining read, especially since it appealed to my love for figure skating! It's such a thrill watching each and every move of the performers, and it was amazing seeing how you managed to accomplish a similar feat in providing the readers with a thrill with just words. Your bits of simile, imagery, and other figurative devices worked nicely with another, tying the whole piece together smoothly. Everything was so suspenseful, until the very last sentence--which I thought served as a very nice comic relief. From the very beginning to the very end, I was absolutely hooked onto your piece! Superb job!
I feel as if this story has some roots in the real world... and it does. The fear of not being good enough, of not being able to perform on the big day is something every athlete fears, as well as hanging up the equipment for the final time. Its an emotional experience, and it perfectly reflects why many never do give up until they are forced to. Now on to the actual story itself, the use of such vivid imagery put me right in her shoes, despite never actually have been ice skating before. The foreshadowing of it all being a dream is perfectly performed, and something I didn't see coming the first time, but did the next time around. It was a great piece. 11/10.
WOW!!!
Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I have to say, this was chock-filled with literary devices. That in itself is amazing! What's even more amazing is that you wrote a story that made sense and was emotionally moving. The detail in this piece was awesome! Congrats on this great story!
Great detail and imagery made me feel as I was in the audience watching Skylar. This piece was very interesting overall good job.
-Cody Molla p.5
I really liked how you used so much detail and described everything and i felt as if i was there watching it happen. I also like how there was a major plot twist in the end! Definitly did not see it coming and it was a great way to tie off the story
I really enjoyed this peice! your detailed use of imagery really allowed me to imagine the ice skaters performance, felt as if i was part of the audience. Also great plot twist at the end made me realize that the story did feel somewhat dream like. Great job! -Haley Brown
Eva the last minute shift in tone had me awe struck, my mouth was left hanging open and everything. It was such a twist, such a really good twist, like one minute i was like "oh this'll be inspirational" then the next minute a complete three-sixty happened and we find Skylar tripping down the stairs. This was really great, good job!
OMG Eva this story was AMAZING! I was totally not expecting that ending! My heart broke as I read that she was about to fall but then her alarm went off and I felt so relieved. I love how vivid you were and how you even used ice skating terms in your story! Great job Eva!!
That was just...wow, talk about a plot twist. This story was my favorite and was so detailed and descriptive that it made the story truly come alive. I also loved the underlying message of never giving up your dreams because I feel we all lose focus and interest in thing so easily and never realize the passion we had until we have quit. This was a great story, good job!
This was a amazing! The ending was great and I didnt see it coming. The way you utilized the suspense was fantastic. Also the last sentence was pretty amusing after such a serious piece. Well done
This was a amazing! The ending was great and I didnt see it coming. The way you utilized the suspense was fantastic. Also the last sentence was pretty amusing after such a serious piece. Well done
This was such a touching story. It hits close to home for anyone who ever gave up on a hobby or passion. There's always this small part of you that cherishes what you gave up and wonders, "Where would I be if I'd stuck with it?" Then one, five, or 30 years pass and you're over it, sure, but that doubt still lingers. I know the feeling. Maybe not from this side, or through ice skating, but I do. "Where would I be if I hadn't stuck with it?" will always be a question I ask myself. I loved your story and how it delineates what she could have been, before killing that dream with the harsh reality she lives after accepting failure. Very touching.
An amazing piece and for the first time in a long time, i legitimately did not see the ending of this piece coming. Sets itself up to be one of those fairytale sports movie stories where the main character wins the gold, but not only did she lose but she never started to begin with. A very interesting twist on an overplayed trope, Well done.
-Arturo Ayala
You had me hooked from the beginning until the end! By incorporating vivid imagery and sentence variety, I think you created a coherent and wonderful piece! Although you sprinkled some lighthearted humor, this piece still reflects a very significant and prevalent feeling of fear that can evolve into regret. I loved it!
-Katherine Celume
This is great, this imagery used throughout the story, it felt like I was one of the audience. Except maybe a narrator behind me narrating all of her moves. I didn't expect the whole thing to be a dream, the beginning makes sense now. Either way, your story was really eye catching, I couldn't stop reading.
I like how you described the skating routine so perfectly. It really gave me the perfect image in my head. This really shows the intensity of ice skating and nice twist at the end of the story. I really liked it good job Eva!!!
Well that was quite the twist you added there Eva! I personally enjoyed your story a lot. I think it's a fair representation of society; we as people tend to give up without fulfilling our dreams. That's actually kind of ironic because in your story, the character was actually dreaming lol. Anyways, I hope that you never become like your character. Never give up and quit Eva, I am certain that you, of all people, can achieve ANYTHING, so long as you stay determined and keep at it. Great story! (:
This is a very good story that is vividly depicted through the use of imagery throughout the piece! I really like the plot twist in the end that concluded the suspense in a very unexpected way; the fact that she was just dreaming the whole experience really caught me by surprise as I anticipated her to fail her triple lutz. This is a very entertaining read accompanied by vivid imagery, various literary devices, and real-time narration which altogether created a great story full of suspense.
Wow, this story had my attention all the way through. Everything you described was detailed perfectly and realistically. I had a hunch that the story was a dream, but I was actually very sad to find out that the dream was an actual dream that the character gave up on. Your story was written so lightheartedly that the real meaning of never giving up on your dreams was very effective. Great job!
This Story actually made me upset! I wanted her to win a gold medal or something but then she woke up! But I guess the best stories are the ones with unexpected endings because there is no fun in predictability. Good Job Eva
This was an extremely captivating story of determination and sadly failure. The hole time i was reading i was expecting Skylar to overcome her past failures but the plot twist in the end really surprised me. I enjoyed how you packed so much detail in the small amount of content, thank you for the story.
-Percy Starks
Wow Eva! That was a very intriguing story. I loved how the climax was very intense and the ending very shocking. It made the overall piece very amazing. It sad to read about someone so talented lose sight of their dreams because of a single mishap. I also loved how the story was completely in the season of winter Olympics. I I've to watch the figure skaters and I felt as though I was really in the mind of one. Once again, excellent job.
This piece has great imagery. I like how you incorporated the physics into this sport and described every meticulous detail. I like the twist where the audience and the character finds out it is all a dream. The little cautionary note in the end is great, too. It applies to everyone in our grade. A lot of people are giving up out of laziness. We may come to this moment and regret it too. Good job
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