As people in 1st period know, I happen to be late quite frequently. Fellow classmates often ask me, “How are you so late all the time?” If all this advice is heeded, you should be late at least once a week, if not more.
Step 1: This is one of the most
important steps. ALWAYS get up 20-30 minutes after your alarm goes off. This
will ensure that you are more rested and can function better.
Step 2: Check the weather,
Facebook, Intsagram etc. to get a scope of what the day will be like. Also
check school loop to make sure you didn’t forget to do a homework assignment.
This should definitely burn 10-15 minutes.
Step 3: Get ready. Go brush
your teeth, do your hair, and whatever else you do. Make sure you take about 10
minutes to pick out clothes. You don’t want to just throw things on; you need
to look presentable as possible.
Step 4: Cook yourself a nice
breakfast, perhaps some eggs and bacon. This will make you more energetic and
alert in the morning. This will probably take about 15-20 minutes of the clock.
Step 5: If you take the bus you
probably missed it 30-40 minutes ago so there’s no need to explain any further.
For drivers pay close attention. Take the route that is the shortest distance.
Make sure you pay attention because if you day dream of get too much into your
music, someone will cut you off. Always yell and scream at drivers who back up
traffic or let other drivers go for no reason. If your trip was going from 4th
street, you should only be about a minute late. If you come from Victoria, be
ready to wait in traffic for a while. Also be ready for the bottom parking lot
to be full, in which case, will force you to go to the top parking lot. Going
to the top parking lot will take a good 4-5 minutes so take your time.
Step 6: You are either already
late or there is only 1 minute left. If you have one minute left, sprint for
your class and you may have time to make it.
If you are already late, casually, to your class, avoiding security as
much as you can to avoid being sent to the office. If you are caught and sent
to the office, you will have to wait in line for another 5-10 minutes. As long
as you walk in a quick pace and are focused on your destination, they may not
stop you because you are walking with a purpose. If you are sent to the line,
try to time it right so that security are looking down at the computer and just
walk away. This has worked on several occasions. If you just don’t care then
wait in line.
Step 7: Congratulations!! You
are late (probably). If you are on time you are doing something wrong. Perhaps
take the scenic route, or make an extra special breakfast.
I hope this guide will help to
be late. If you have the desire to be on time, don’t follow any of this advice.
Thanks for reading and have an excellent evening (I’m assuming it is evening
because most of us wait last minute to comment).
38 comments:
"Build something for your club", "Have quality time with family" are pretty good too. haha this was great! Especially because you were late today. The satire definitely helped with the overall tone of this piece, making it more fun to read. WALK WITH PURPOSE! was definitely the best advice. The steps helped me make a mental to do list next time I am late. Thank you!
You know when you read or think to yourself, and you can kind of hear your own voice in your head reading or thinking whatever your saying, like a silent narrator that only you can hear? Well, as I was reading this I realized I was reading this entirely in your voice. Which usually indicates that the writing has an extreme amount of character in it, so you got that pat down. The satire was also very enjoyable, this piece fits you perfectly!
I really enjoyed your piece. I am often late but now I know how to really commit to being late. This was really fun and your voice was expressed throughout. I could tell you really knew what you were talking about because the detail you provided which added to the humor. Good job especially with the use of satire.
Ian, I am seriously considering printing this submission out and pinning it on my wall. I was literally laughing from start to finish. As anyone that knows me can affirm, I am always late. No matter how early I get up, I somehow manage to cut it to the wire every single day when it comes to leaving my house on time. I can totally attest to your dislike for drivers who hold-up traffic; that seems to be the story of my life each morning as I drive down Banyon. Thanks for enlightening our fellow classmates about the struggles of arriving on time.
-Christina Tapia
Haha. The title itself is funny. Seems like it was written by a pro, no offense. I love this piece because it is different than other pieces. It is something that we should all avoid, but the writer makes it an art. Greatly written and persuasive. Good job.
Ian, I have gone through school all these years thinking that I get up early. What time do you wake up at? I mean if you are up 20 minutes after your alarm and still spend an hour at home... anyways this was really funny and it is easy to follow. It is definitely much better than the other guides I have read because I have a habit of being consistently on time. Good job!
It's sort of sad because this is so true to life for me. I always dilly-dally in the morning and manage to get out the door late somehow. I'm glad you wrote this guide to enjoying those lazy mornings more. This was written with such a humorous voice and with such a witty flair that it's almost a satire of a real schedule. Each step was funny and well-written, and the whole guide was a great way to spend a morning, especially if you're a senior. Fantastic job!
This entry is so funny to me, only because I legitly believe that your internal body clock has set 8:07 as the time for school.
You did a great job making one little thing, like being late to class, into a funny satirical literary piece. Great job!
Ian this was great! I have heard several people ask you in first why you are always late so thank you for the step by step process that you go through in the mornings! If i ever want to be late I will make sure and heed your advice, this are my night reading this. Fantastic humor and fantastic job!
Rachael Rubalcava
Ian, this was such a fantastic and interesting piece to read! I always wondered why you were late to 1st period almost every morning. Your frequent tardiness has resulted in our class treating it as a normal thing. I really liked how you organized your piece into steps and that each step is very detailed and humorous. I also liked how at the end of each step, you would put the time it would take you. Overall, your piece was interesting to read!
omg that was hilarious i like how it wasn't serious and i laughed the whole time lol yea i wait till the last minute to comment
LOL I love this. The last sentence was genius. This is literally my life every morning coming to school. The fact that you were extremely descriptive and detailed about a silly matter made this piece so awesome. Great job!
-Danieh Abu Alrub
This is so great Ian; and it was hilarious because you really do show up late nearly every day. Your use of sarcasm is the best part, and I love how your satirizing the misconception some may have that students are late on purpose. Your last bit about everyone submitting their blog comments last minute was especially funny, as this is the first time I'm not submitting mine 30 minutes before the deadline. Great job!
This explains the majority of my junior year. This was a great list of instructions for being late - I can guarantee that this explains why I'm late to important events or family meetings. The breakfast part was spot on - you don't want to go to school hungry! And the traffic - great point, especially since it was raining and people drive worse when it's rainy. Really great step-by-step process for being late and I'm pretty sure this explains the majority of our lives. Great job!
Ian THIS WAS SO HILARIOUS!!! As a chronic late person myself, I can assure you that all of these steps are ESSENTIAL to a good late person. You are SO right that sleeping in will make you more well-rested, I mean cmon, they always say you need to be well-rested to do good in school! ^-^ I understand your struggle about the parking lot dilemma, this problem was not as prevalent last year, but now that it's our senior year, I feel like those pesky juniors are actually coming on time and taking all our parking spots!!! I really enjoyed this piece, you were so sarcastic, yet, everything you said was absolutely true!
Great job Ian this was a funny piece but I could connect to this at some points. It is something that we should not try to do but the way that it is written was great. Great Job.
Wow, you got this on point!! This is so hilarious because this is me EVERYDAY, except in between this whole process I come up with some crazy story to why im late...Im pretty sure people don't believe me but it makes my entrance interesting. ;D I liked that you organized your piece by steps because it just intensified the sarcasm you put into it. Im pretty sure people will follow this guide step by step but doing the exact opposite of what your saying hahaha!! I loved it, amazing job!
-Lucia Gonzalez
Ian! This was probably the most funniest instructional guide I've ever read. I might try this one day. For almost every single one of your steps I laughed because I tend to do most of those things. I always press my snooze button and spend around thirty minutes on my phone checking the social networks. I also spend like 15-20 minutes trying to find something to wear. Oh, I also liked the last sentence of your piece. It is true! Most of us do comment on here last minute! Anyways, this was a very well-written satirical piece!
- Tia Basa
Now Ian, I'm not necessarily commenting last minute, but it is evening so i thank you for wishing me a good evening. I enjoyed your piece and I hope you might create a follow-up guide, The Art of Being Late: From Class to Class. It was a funny read, thank you very much Ian.
-Jack McDonald 4th period
This was absolutely hilarious! I loved it ! You have a great sense of humor and using many of the humor tools such as inversion of expectation and irony, your humor was able to shine through this piece! Awesome job!!!
I love the advice to walk away from the line while security looks away, for I'm sure you've had plenty of experience. Excellent instructions which made me laugh out loud. Even when I saw the title, "How to be Late," I snickered to myself.
-Emily Wilt per 1
This is just great! The fact that you actually had the guts to post this and make this your blog submission is great. This is like the story to half of my life. Great job Ian and remember to stay late.
Well...Ian....now I know how you manage to be late almost every day. The last line made me laugh soooooo hard because...well, here I am commenting on the last day. The entire piece was hilarious and I honestly enjoyed reading it! You kept a very sarcastic, yet subtle, consistent sense of humor. Good job, I hope you can continue to successfully be late.
This is a clever witty piece that was quite amusng to read. it is an interesting inversion of expectations that one would plan to be late and it creates a good comic effect. very nicely done.
- Justin Myers
"I’m assuming it is evening because most of us wait last minute to comment"
The last line of this piece was my absolute favorite and made me laugh out loud because it is just so true. I honestly felt like you were talking to me personally. This entire how-to was one of the funniest things I have read on this blog and I love it! Your how-to was well organized and the sarcasm in this piece was well used, considering what you were trying to teach us how to do. You also did a great job describing each step. I was able to completely visualize this morning routine and because of that, it made me wish I could actually follow the steps every morning.
Hey Ian!
This piece is completely you! The language you use is all about being laid back and not rushing. I added up the time wasted and it turns out that you helped us to lose 94-130 minutes of our life every day! That turns out to about 390 hours or 16.25 days of wasted time if we did this every day before school (based on a 180 day school year). I would say this is a pretty effective guide!
Great piece, it was very relatable. Being late truely is an art which no one appreciates. People do not understand that being late takes effort and is very difficult to accomplish. Great details in each step which help me so that i will surely be late from now on :)
-Alan Medina
Period 1
Well, this would explain why I'm late to zero period just about every day. Honestly, the only thing I don't do is hit the snooze button and yet I still end up about ten minutes late. This guide was hilarious and relatable. Great job.
Very funny and a good read. I like how you took a subject that's not necessarily funny and turned it into a satirical piece. I laughed throughout it and enjoyed it. Good job.
-Cody Molla p.4
Oh my goodness, Ian.
This piece was so funny to read.
"[...] you should be late at least once a week, if not more." Great advice, haha.
I love how throughout the piece, you've led the reader to believe that being late will be beneficial towards a person such as being well rested, being well dressed, and being focused in traffic.
I could easily visualize what you were explaining throughout the steps, especially in step 5 and 6.
I have no desire to be late, so I will disregard everything I read in or keep in mind what I have to avoid in order for me to stay on time!
"Thanks for reading and have an excellent evening (I’m assuming it is evening because most of us wait last minute to comment)."
Well written, Ian. Very well written.
A humorous and enjoyable piece.
-Seohyun "Joy" Jeon
that was funny and very relateable. Nice work!
-Noah Valdez
This was pretty great. I have to say, I do hardly any of those steps, but some how I am late all the time also. I don't know how I do it half the time. Great job though. This really gave me a good laugh. All the details, put the whole thing together.
Oh my goodness this made my day. I loved how you used satire and direct comments to the audience. I must say it was clever of you to write this and, considering you are late almost every day, made your story all the more appealing and hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh!
-Alexandra Aguilar
You were right. I am waiting until the last minute to comment. This hilarious read had me laughing throughout. The title alone already had me hooked, because i knew it would be funny. Step 5 was my favorite, where you have pretty much forsaken all bus riders that are running late. Good job.
- Oscar Salazar
Not sure when I would use this guide, but it sure made me chuckle as I read it. Very creative idea to base your blog submission on such a topic. Nice job!
-Hsing Chang
I feel if I try to follow this routine I will actually be on time because it sounds like you have a ton of time to kill before you are off to school. Typically for me I only have about 30 minutes to get out of bed, get ready, and get to school because I usually sleep through all seven of my alarms. Thanks for this guide as I am going to misuse it to be on time so Mr. Schaina doesn't drop me.
- Matt Kendrick
This is probably one of the greatest things ever. I have never read such great eloquence and sophistication in something so terrible. On another note, I'm glad that we can agree on seven out of seven of the steps that you have listed. You really exposed our greatest high school secret to the world, Ian. Good job though!
Hahahaha very funny piece! This comedic guide to be late utilizes various satirical devices in which it provides humor and makes something that nobody wants to be a central topic to strive for. It is also funny because I see you late almost everyday just because you get stuck in traffic. I don't think I will ever use this guide; actually, I will use this guide as steps of what not to do so i do not get late to class.
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