Dear dad,
I’m mad at you for leaving me. I’m mad because you weren't there for my first day of kindergarten. I’m mad because you weren’t there to see me promote to middle school. I’m mad because you weren’t there for my first day of high school. I’m mad because you’re not going to see me graduate. I’m mad because you never met my first best-friend. I’m mad because you weren’t there to encourage me to play volleyball. I’m mad because you weren’t there to coach me. I’m mad because you never got to see me play a single match. I’m mad because you never taught me how to drive. I’m mad because you couldn’t see me get my license. I’m mad because you didn’t see me turn 18. I’m mad because you weren’t there to protest with me and fight for change. I’m mad because you didn’t see how excited I was to get my first college acceptance. I’m mad because you’re never going to see me fall in love. I’m mad because you won’t be there to intimidate the first boy I ever bring home. I’m mad because you’re never going to help me through my first heartbreak. I’m mad because you’re not going to be at my wedding. I’m mad because you won’t be there to dance with me. I’m mad because you’re never going to meet your grand kids. I’m mad because I can never hear you say that you’re proud of me. I’m mad because I can’t even remember what it sounded like when you told me you loved me. I’m mad because I had to get a tattoo for you instead of actually having you here with me everyday. I’m mad because all I have left of you is the memories that I have to hear from other people. I’m mad because if you were still here you would show me unconditional love and always support me. I’m mad because I know you didn’t want to leave. I’m mad because you fought as hard as you could to stay with us but it still wasn’t good enough. I’m mad because I got the least amount of time with you. I’m mad because none of this is fair.
Do you want to know what I’m the most mad about though? I’m mad because none of this is your fault. The worst part about being upset with someone in heaven is that I have no one to blame. I will never understand why the universe chose to take you away, and I will probably never fully accept it, but as long as I know that you’re looking down on me, happy with who I’ve become, I will be okay.
Love,
T
24 comments:
Oh my goodness Taryn... This was so heart wrenching and brutally honest. Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable to share with us your feelings and love towards your father. I know the circumstances were undeniably hard and impossible and I just want to give you the biggest hug right now. Your strength and endurance shows and is encouraging to everyone around you. I know he is always smiling down on you and loves you so much. I love you!
Wow! This was absolutely amazing Taryn and literally brought me to tears nearly. I am so sorry your Dad had to leave this world so soon, but I know he is super proud of the young woman you're becoming. Really good job:)
I am so sorry you have to experience that feeling everyday, and that there is nothing anyone can ever do to change it. I am so sorry that he cannot be here with you, because you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have known the man who loved you more than any other man ever will. I know we have been friends for years, but I've never heard you really talk about him, or how you felt about losing him. I can never imagine or know what it is like to be without a parent everyday and I know it is so many years later but I am still sorry for your loss. I know your father is looking down on you and smiling, he is so proud of who you've become and so excited to see who you'll be. You may not have seen him there, or have many memories of him before his death, but his presence and his love has surrounded you at every moment you described and will continue to be there at every moment in your future. We never truly lose the people who love us. - Nicole Lillie
This was so raw and emotional. First, I'm so sorry for your loss. In the beginning, I didn't know where it was going until the last couple of sentences in the first paragraph and it hit me with so many emotions. No matter what, I'm sure he's always looking over you and showing you unconditional love up in heaven. Thank you for sharing this.
This was tear jerking. I totally understand how you feel about losing a loved one. It never makes sense to me why the universe always takes the good people away. Thank you for sharing this, I'm not close to my dad but your story made me realize that I need to put a little effort in getting close to him.
Thank you for being so vulnerable enough to share someone who means so much to you, you are very strong and I know your dad and family are so proud of the amazing person you are becoming.
Taryn, this literally brought me to tears. I'm so sorry for all you've had to go through your entire life but you are strong and I know your dad is so happy with who you've become. I love how vulnerable you were and this really put a lot of things in perspective for me.
This piece truly brought me to tears. I am so sorry for your loss, but moreover, I am so encouraged and amazed by your endurance and bravery to share your true thoughts with everyone. You are so strong and independent. And I am 100% sure that your dad would be so proud in distance watching you grow, mature, and become the best version of you.
Thank you for sharing such a personal message for your father. Of course I don’t know either of you personally, but from reading this I can tell that you both have such huge hearts. I know that your father is looking down and is so proud of you. You are so strong!
I could tell how hard of this was to write with not having your Dad around growing up. For me, everything you wrote is really relatable for me since my dad pasted away before I even knew him. I've known you ever since kindergarten and never knew this about you! It really is hard growing up with everyone having a father while you just have one parent. But just remember he is always here by your side, cheering you on in the heaven sidelines :)
Wow. This is beautiful. Thank you so much for being vulnerable through this piece. I knwo your dad is proud of you and the person you've become.
This piece brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece, I can't possibly imagine how hard it is to grow up without a dad. After reading I realized I should be appreciative of what I have because I don't always view things from a different perspective.
Taryn, thank you for being so strong and vulnerable enough to express your emotions. Reading this made my heart ache, but I am sure your dad is very proud to see you meet your milestones and the amazing person you’ve become :)
oh wow, 3 lines in and i'm already crying. I'm so sorry and I can't believe how unbelievably strong you are. congratulations on all your achievements, I'm sure he's so proud of you up there.
Taryn, I'm in literal tears. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know this was extremely hard to share and I admire you for being so vulnerable. I know he is proud of the person you've become and always watching over you. I'm sending you so much love!!!
I can't even imagine what it felt like to write a piece like this yet alone live it. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable story with us. I think this piece definitely showed a lot of us to appreciate the people we have in our lives because nothing is promised. Wishing you nothing but the best :)
Taryn thank you so so much for sharing this. I am so so so deeply sorry for your loss I can feel your sadness, anger, and frustation through the computer. You are so strong and knowing you I know your dad is very proud of you and all that you've done. <3<3<3
Wow, Taryn! This is extremely powerful. You did an amazing job of really making the reader feel how you do. I can't imagine what you have gone through and I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing!
This story brought real tears to me eyes. I totally understand the feeling of losing a loved one. The feeling of anger that someone you loved was ripped away from you. Thank you for sharing your story. sending love -gisselle flores
Thank you for sharing this. I think anyone can see the amount of emotions that came through while reading this. I know he is very proud of you. -Muskaan Sandhu
The pure, raw emotion every word carried really moved me as a reader. I’m so teary-eyed! Thank you for sharing something so personal. I’m sure your father is very proud of you and everything you have accomplished :)
I loved this piece Taryn. I know your dad is watching down on you and is so very proud of all of your accomplishments and how you have grown and matured. Now I have seen you play volleyball and as a past teammate and friend I can say that you bring it all to the table every single game. He would be so happy and so proud. Thank you for sharing T.
Taryn, the amount of emotion that you put into this piece made it incredibly easy to be engaged with your post and I was so sure that I knew where this was heading but the end caught me off guard! I'm so sorry that all of these once in a lifetime experiences you missed out on were taken from you and left you without even having someone to blame. It's awful. This piece was so moving and the end brought me to tears. I know he would be proud of you. :')
This was extremely emotional and hard to read. I have never been put in this position before I am fortunate. You are extremely strong for sharing this with everyone thank you.
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