I’m the type of person who believes that everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate and soulmates. But I also believe that some soulmates are not forever, they’re just temporary. That there are some soulmates that are supposed to leave an impact on you and then leave. I think that is what you were to me, a temporary soulmate.
It’s been seven years since you walked out the door handout of my life, never looking back. For seven years I have been trying to forget you, trying to erase you from my mind. But I’ve been unsuccessful, because from time to time you still cross my mind. It’s silly to think that I might cross yours. I mean, why would I? You left. You chose to leave, one day you’re here and the next it’s as if you never existed. You never even said goodbye. Ten years. You were a member of our family for ten years. We all accepted you with open arms, never treating you differently, we never thought of you as “abuela’s foster kid,” because you were more than that. You were a daughter, a sister, a cousin and my new best friend.
When we first met, you were six and I was two and we were instantly inseparable. Even though to most kids a four year age gap is a lot, to us it was nothing. We just clicked, we grew up together, two halves of one whole. But apparently in the end, none of that mattered. I still don’t know why you left and why you had to hurt us all while doing it. You hurt the family that accepted you, loved you, and supported you, but not only did you hurt us, you almost destroyed us. How long were you planning on doing what you did? Even after seven years, I can’t say what you did, because it hurts too much.
As I look back to the days leading up to your departure, I can’t find any signs indicating what you were planning. I remember saying goodbye but thinking I was going to see her in a couple of days. But when I go to visit you like I said I would, you or any of your things weren’t there. When I asked Abuela what happened, all she did was look me in the eyes, with sadness evident in her eyes, and said that you didn’t want to be a part of our family anymore. I asked my mom for further explanation and when she did I didn’t believe her, I couldn’t. There was no way you were that cruel, there was no way you would just leave. But that’s exactly what you did. How could you leave when you knew how much I needed you.
Were we that disposable? Was I? Ten years worth of memories and love meant nothing to you? What happened? Why weren’t you happy? Was it our fault? How come even after all this time you have never reached out to me? You are now 21, have I ever crossed your mind? Even though I have tried, I will never be able to forget you. How could I? Every time I think about my childhood, you’re there. Christmas, New Years, birthdays, family trips, you’re always there, right by my side.
I hated you for leaving but I forgive you.
I hated you for hurting us all but I forgive you.
I forgive you for lying.
I forgive you for walking out the door.
I forgive you for abandoning me.
Maybe you had your reasons for everything, but I won’t ever hear them, because they no longer matter. I’m letting you go. Now when I think of you, it will not be anger or sadness I feel but a sense of tranquility. Now I won’t avoid looking at pictures and videos of us. Now when I come across them, I will smile and remember the person in the photo. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy. I wish you the best in this life. Thank you for being my best friend all those years. I will never forget you. Although you are no longer a part of my life, I will always have love for you. It might’ve been easy for you to forget about us and everything we have been through. But that is something I could never do. You’re now a stranger, we are just strangers with memories. You’re someone I used to know, someone who was my temporary soulmate.
Goodbye December.
23 comments:
Wow I'm going to be honest this went in a totally different direction than I thought it was going to go. It was honestly very powerful, mainly because I could sort of relate in some way. You wrote it so well that I could feel the emotion and despite knowing what it is exactly this person did, I felt saddened and angry with their sudden departure too. But I will say that your last paragraph was my favorite because it's a hard thing to do, forgive I mean, and the way you wrote out your current outlook of the situation completely changed the tone of your piece so that the reader too can find there's a way to forgive others in a tough situation too :)
I love how effortlessly this turn out to be, the emotion and word choices were just enough to feel all that you intended us as readers to feel. I also really admire you being able to move on and not let memories and "what ifs" clog your mind preventing you from the rest of your life to live.
the emotion that you felt were just enough to make me see it all. i am proud of you, you grew from everything. keep striving.
This piece was so raw and emotional, and I absolutely loved it! It hit me hard because I as well believe in fate and soulmates, and feel like we've all experienced a "temporary soulmate." You did such a good job at capturing the hurt you felt.
I've never thought about the idea of a temporary soulmate before, but this made me stop and consider it. It is so hard to accept why when people walk out of your life for seemingly no reason, and it can be almost impossible to forgive them for it. I'm glad you are able to remember your memories with this person as happy ones and will never forget them.
Woowww just all the emotions that I feel while reading this is incredible. I was able to feel everything that you were feeling. The thought of having a temporary soulmate never really came to my mind, but now I'm starting to think if I ever had one. Overall this was such a beautiful piece of work and how you were able to overcome.
This piece was so raw and full of complete uncensored emotion. I love the concept of it as well because the "temporary soulmate" where someone is meant to be put in your life to teach you a lesson of yourself or simply provide you with a memorable experience instead of stay forever is something I've always believed in. I loved reading this because I felt as if I was reading a diary and I was watching the healing process; seeing you go from grief and resentment, to the rhetorical questions searching for an answer, then finally the acceptance that brought you peace. I loved this so much thank you for sharing.
I also believe we have many types of soulmates. How you were able to capture your emotions was beautifully done. I really enjoyed reading your blog.
To begin, thank you for sharing your story with us. I am glad that you have overcame such a hard experience and have come to terms with it instead of questioning it. I loved the way you captured the rawness of your emotions. Great job.
I really loved how this piece was so emotional but also showed me a different perspective to things like the purpose of a temporary soulmate. Your strength is clearly shown in your words and it was just overall so amazing to read.
Wow,this is such a unique experience, since its not everyday you meet someone with a foster child. People walking out of your life like this is such a hard thing to go through, since you know that loved one willingly left you to feel this way. This peace was so raw and natural without feeling forced at all! I really liked this, thank you for sharing your experience!
Gisselle, this is amazing! The way you conveyed your feelings of anger and forgiveness was wonderfully done. I believe I have experienced a temporary soulmate too, and all of those feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion came back to me but your paragraph at the end was so moving and reminded me that it's okay to let them go and think of them as a positive experience because it's only shaped us into the person we are today. I love your piece!
Wow, this left me speechless! You wrote so beautifully and the way you expressed your emotions was so raw. I completely understand how hard it is to let go of someone who you shared an unexplainable bond with. The line where you said "we are just strangers with memories" made me extremely emotional. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this.
You made this piece emotional and the ending resolution is written beautifully. "We are just strangers with memories" is such a heart-wrenching yet beautiful line. Releasing bitter feelings knowing that this person was once someone that you loved and had many positive memories is difficult, and you were to incorporate this feeling along with many others in a short piece so effortlessly. Amazing!
Your work is so beautiful and filled with so much emotion. The way you talk about a temporary soulmate is so powerful. I only ever thought that a soulmate was supposed to be in your life forever but the idea of that one person teaching you something and then leaving is so impactful. I loved the strength ok expressed towards the end when you talk about forgiveness. I loved your piece.
This was so beautiful, I never realized the true purpose of temporary soulmates. I loved that we got to see your growth through this piece. Thank you so much for sharing!
This was very personal and I want to thank you firstly for sharing it with us. Families are complicated but at the end of the day they love each other regardless. I think the best thing you could have done to not only love yourself, but love your family and them, was to forgive them which isn't easy. I commend you because being the bigger person is never fun but with this piece we really got to see you grow and become the mature thoughtful person you are.
This is such a beautiful piece with such raw emotion. I have also had family members walk out on the rest of us, but never someone I was inseparable from. But, your piece is so well-written that I can still feel the emotion you are trying to convey. I also love the idea you brought up of soulmates that we are meant to depart from. I feel like many choose to not believe this because it's extremely difficult to say goodbye to loved ones, especially those that we regard as soulmates.
Gisselle, your piece was beautifully written. I can only imagine the suffering you had experienced, but I am extremely grateful you grew from guilt to tranquility. Thank you for sharing such an emotional story with us. Amazing job!
Wow, this was really heartfelt and I was in my feelings the whole time I read this. I completely understand your pain and your heartbreak. Thank you for this piece, it was beautiful! -Evan Nguyen
Throughout my reading of this wonderful piece, I really felt the emotion and the passion behind the writing. It is such a vulnerable and heart-filled writing, and I thank you for sharing such a deep and personal part of your life. I geuninely admire your maturity in this situation, specifically in the fact that you were able to forgive someone who hurt you so deeply.
Awwww, I am so sorry this happened to you. All I can say is that you are so wise beyond your years, and I admire your strength, and the fact that you still have faith in the idea of soulmates even though your temporary soulmate hurt you. I also love the idea of temporary soulmate, that is honestly such a good interpretation of love, since it helps people realize that people do change over time!
Gisselle...I've known you for a good amount of time, but I think this is the first time I've truly "seen" you. Thank you so much for sharing this because it resonated with me VERY deeply. You are such a beautiful person, and it seems as if the way you use your words takes after you :) Stay strong!!! <333
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