The gentle
crash and recession of the waves lulled the boy into blissful sleep. That
night, he dreamt of sailing on a vast expanse of blue. He dreamt of the sea
rising and falling like the chest of some mystical, gargantuan creature. The
powerful entity was benevolent; it provided the boy with sustenance from its
depths and caused the rains that filled his cup. Even though the creature grew
angry at times, and the child had to weather the storm, the creature cared for
the boy with great affection. The boy loved the creature in return. He loved it
for its comforting presence. He loved it for its general usefulness. But most
of all, he loved it for its kindness.
When the
boy awoke, he lied in his bed in his cottage no more than a stroll from this
magnificent creature. A sailor. A sailor is what he would be, spending his life
as close to this beloved creature as possible. And with this resolved in his
mind, the boy arose and went about his daily ritual. He filled a tall glass
with water for himself and a bowl for his dog. Water provided the boy and his
pet with life. He went out to the backyard and lightly sprinkled his mother’s
garden with water. The boy filled a pot with raw rice and water and placed it
in the cooker for his breakfast. Afterwards, the child took a leisurely walk to
the shore and gazed out into the endless sheet of cerulean. It stretched out,
limitless, elegant, beautiful. The boy was drawn to this creature. He took one
step closer after another until the waves periodically rushed over his feet and
graced his ankles. With a smile, the boy turned around and returned to the
oceanside cottage, looking back to take in the glory of the expanse just once
more. Water was the boy’s lifeblood. It was his companion and caretaker, and it
talked to him when no others would.
But it was
this same substance that took everything from the child. It was water that had
filled the lungs of his mother. It was water that had made her scream in agony
as it flooded in even faster. And it was water that had made her body convulse
as it prayed for some amount of air, for this oppressive being to simply go
away. The same creature that occupied the boy’s happiest dreams razed all that
the boy had come to love. He felt deceived. This monster cared about neither
the existence of this child nor the life of his mother. It did not want to provide
life for the people of the world, it simply just did. The monster could not
care less about what lives it took. It treated every entity with an air of
indifference that, to the boy, seemed arrogant and evil. And for this, the boy
hated the monster. He abhorred it for its inherent evil and its use of its
power. He hated himself for ever entrusting the monster with his devotion. How
could he ever have loved such an awful being?
The funeral was held three days
later. As the boy stood, his feet sinking into the damp earth, he stared at the
gaping hole that was to be his mother’s eternal resting place. The sky was a
dark grey as it rained down upon all of the attendees the same substance that
had ripped the life from the boy’s mother. The rain fell upon the boy, who had
not bothered to grab an umbrella. It collected in his sandy hair and pooled up
until it had the weight to fall down his forehead and past his nose onto the
ground. The boy was not aware of the other mourners beside him, telling him
that they were sorry for his loss. It was as if the he was suspended in a pool
of saltwater, floating in his thoughts. The only thing he was conscious of was
the water that collected in his eyes and fell down his face, mocking him in his
sorrow.
After that fateful day, the child
avoided the beloved life giver turned monster. He refused to look at the
behemoth 200 feet outside his door, but the monster was largely unaffected. He
did not water his deceased mother’s garden as he had done before. The plants
withered in the relentless heat of the sun as they cried for just a single
drop. The bowls of water for the dog ceased to come. The whelp whined and
whimpered as it too withered away until it was a dry husk. And the boy refused
to drink any amount of water. He felt his body fail to work as it craved the
substance that had destroyed everything. The boy was horrified, not because he
was slowly dying, but because he realized that the monster was killing him even
if it was nowhere near him. As he limped to the top of the cliff by his
cottage, no tears stained his cheeks. He thought of his beloved mother as he
embraced the monster and submitted himself to its eternal ebb and flow.
26 comments:
Wow, your writing is excellent Daryl! I usually don't enjoy contemporary fiction, but this was great. The use of choice of diction and imagery in the opening paragraph really brought me into the feelings of this young boy. You do a particularly good job of explaining how the boy felt rather then just out right telling how the boy felt in this situation. Finally I enjoyed how you tied the aspect of water together throughout the entire piece making it more frightening then the actual monster that lurks within it. Again great job Daryl, I would love to see more short stories from you. Gavin Gnaster
Very well written with acute sensory details and a staining message. Frightening yet evocative, few writers can master such a descriptive tone as yours. Great job Daryl!
Great writing. The immense amount of detail of illustrated the depth of what water represented to the boy and how that changed. The use of parallelism also enhanced the strength of your words greatly. Nice job Daryl!
This short tale is so deep and so creative! The story was very unpredictable and I couldn't stop reading it. You did a very good job on your blog post, I would read your short story over and over again!
This piece was incredibly well thought out and had so many beautiful words to describe water and how the boy viewed it as a life giver. After his mother's death, the turn that water takes and represents to the boy is astonishing and so heartbreaking! Great job!
This piece was incredibly well thought out and had so many beautiful words to describe water and how the boy viewed it as a life giver. After his mother's death, the turn that water takes and represents to the boy is astonishing and so heartbreaking! Great job!
Amazing, with all of the details and emotions conveyed in your work. Beautiful piece good job!
Wow Daryl. This post just completely astounded me, and blew my expectations out of the water. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually thought about water, no matter how often I come into contact with it, and you just changed my entire perspective on the substance. Amazing job!
Truly amazing! This piece was mastered so beautifully, as your choice of diction, and connection of the water to both his mother and an image he finds yet still so beautiful despite what it has done to his family was truly very well intertwined.
The way you described the water as if it was a person/monster itself was what ultimately made this piece as great as it is. Mysterious and calming at the same time, and the use of a recurring symbol with the water was very clever. Amazing job! :-)
This piece was very well written and so creative. The way everything was described was so touching and heartwarming i loved it, nice work!
I wasn't sure what to expect when I stumbled upon this story, but I'm glad to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It was very interesting to see how the protagonist's view on water changed throughout his tale. The shift from admiration to abhorrence was captivating and justified at the moment of his lost, but I can't condone his decision to completely reject any water for all aspects of his life. His realization at the end that no matter what he believed about it, water would be an essential part of life must have been devastating for him. I pity him and hope he gets better someday, but I suppose we won't know unless you post another story continuing it. Regardless, I enjoyed your story and the way you described all the events and feelings of the character throughout. It is truly a fantastic story to have read and beautifully written.
- Justin Presto (Per. 1)
This is an amazing story! Your diction is powerful in this story, like when you're describing the creature. I felt the betrayal, that he felt when the creature killed his mother. It's so sad how he had to go back to the creature, even though it kills him emotionally. Overall, you did an amazing job.
As expected of my boy Daryl. You lured me in with that exotic description of water and how it affected the boy immensely. Not to mention, this story gave me a whole new outlook on my expectations for the future. Time to go contemplate now :D. Stay woke and keep doing what you've been doing!
It was very surprising on the end of your short story. I was expecting a romantic era kind of poem with the title being "Water". However, it was very interesting and emotional.
Jeremiah Credo
I admire how well you seem to be able to depict these polarized emotions, separated by a single event. It's briefness almost seems to hide how dark and deep the plot really was.
What an amazing piece Daryl! I greatly enjoyed your use of symbolism and metaphors to describe the water's unforgiving massacre. Well done!
Daryl your way of writing captivates me, I love the use of large vocabulary. Your large vocabulary allows you to paint an extremely detailed picture that one can truly enjoy. I thought that the twist at the end was a great way yo end the story showing how water gives life but also takes it away. Great piece!
Daryl, this was amazing! I love your use of diction and imagery in this. I love how well you described how the boy felt about the water throughout the story. The emotions your story evokes in such a short amount of words is unbelievable. Great job!
Wow. I didn't see that coming. I thought this was going to be a nice story about a kid enjoying the water, but you turned it into a crazy roller coaster. What inspired you to write this, I wonder? Fantastic job with this piece, way to leave me shocked!
This story was such an eye-opening piece. It's heartbreaking knowing that love can be deceiving and certain things can hurt you without even trying to. I admire the way the story is written because certain aspects were so unexpected, but it just added to the greatness of it all. It's amazing how you've turned something as simple as water into something much more meaningful.
Beautifully done Daryl. I like how you portrayed water as a double edged sword: it can give life and it can take away. Also the imagery was perfect in describing this double edged sword
Daryl, I find it interesting how you were able to make a story out of water. Instead of poorly putting it together you used creativity and imagery to help me envision the setting in my head. I also appreciate that there was a lesson to be used. Well done.
This story was really engaging and portrayed so much imagery! Reading the vivid descriptions allowed me to conjure up the sounds the boy was experiencing and felt as if rain had also poured on me and adding weight on my body. Your writing skills are extraordinary and really gave me the chills.
- Travis Ly
Oh my gosh that was certainly jarring. The personification at the beginning of the story turned the ocean into a character. We also were lulled by the sea as an audience and were just as shocked as the boy when it turned on him and his mother. Beautifully written and reminds us of the power of nature.
This post is really strong blog post, with some great water-based imagery. The technical aspect of actually creating a story like this is challenging enough that some people will be completely out of their element attempting such a task. I do recommend attempting to cut down on your use of the word 'water' because you aren't using it for emphasis and every use decreases the meaning for the times you need it in your post. However, this is relatively minor. Good job.
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