Do you ever get
that feeling that you don’t want to exist anymore? You wonder if anyone would
care if you left this world, you wonder if your existence even matters to
anyone. If the person you love the most leaves this world, you want to leave
too. I’ve felt this hollow feeling in my chest ever since he left me. Not leave
me in a romantic sense, but in a…death way, you can say.
I’m not really sure
if he actually did die, to be honest. Hell, I’m not even sure if he was ever
alive. Ever since I was young, I’ve had these weird hallucinations, but none
were as real as him. I couldn’t touch him, and he couldn’t touch me, but
somehow, I heard this voice in my head, and I knew it was his. I named him Kuro,
which means black in Japanese. He reminded me of the nights that were pitch
black and soundless, the type of darkness that obscures your sight to the point
where you can’t even see your own hand in front of your face.
Despite his dark
name, Kuro was anything besides dark in appearance and personality. Pale, with
silver hair and yellow eyes, and a smile that could light up anyone’s day. Not
that anyone but me could see him, but if they could…damn. In a way, I wished
people besides me could have seen him, just so that the world knew that the
perfect guy every girl and even some guys would have killed for was mine. At
the same time I was glad no one could see him. That perfection was meant for me
and me alone.
I can feel the
tears in my eyes again. Nobody could
quite understand how much my ‘invisible friend’ meant to me, and no one ever
would. Especially now that Kuro is gone; everyone just sees me becoming
snappish and depressed and a crybaby… I don’t even know how he disappeared! I just woke up one morning, opened my eyes
and expected him to be right in front of my face like he always was when I
awoke. But he wasn’t there. He never
reappeared.
The feeling of
hollowness just grows the more I think about it, and my tears are falling like
the freaking Niagara Falls. I drag myself over to my bathroom mirror and
grimace once I see how much of a disaster I look. If I were to describe it,
you’d probably scream. Let’s just say that I look like the epitome of a dead
man. I feel like it too.
There is an abrupt
presence behind me, and a warm arm wrapped around my waist. I tense, but
something was different with this touch. It feels…safe. I do a half turn and my
eyes widened. It was Kuro, real and alive.
“Come away with me,
Taro. You do want to stay with me, don’t you?” Kuro says, a hand extended
towards my person and his yellow eyes shining.
“Forever,” I nod,
and then I see nothing but the darkness I described earlier. I was right in
naming him Kuro.
25 comments:
I really enjoyed your piece. It left me on the end of my chair, trembling and wondering. You used such descriptive imagery that allowed me to feel like I was sitting in a dark room with voices in my head and hands touching me. I liked that you wrote it in first person it gave me more emotion and attachment to your feelings and really portrayed your actual self reflection vs. someone who would tell this in third person that the emotions could be less real. Great job!
I really loved this piece of writing! Your details intrigued me. You are a great writer and I like your creativity.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
I'm not sure if I understand the whole point of your story Cristina but I still enjoyed what I did understood. I think Taro loved Kuro it was almost like there love was forbidden even though Kuro wasn't technically alive. I spotted some similes like when you wrote, "my tears are falling like the freaking Niagara Falls" and, "I look like the epitome of a dead man." Your method of comparison was nicely thoughtout was well comparing the color black to Kuro and how although his appearance didn't connect to black his whole essence was dark. Now my only question and concern is why did Kuro disappear in the first place? Interesting story thank you.
Evelin Conde
11/1/14
period.5
This story was my favorite. It caught my attention from the beginning. The imagrey and details of the story made me feel part of the story.
Izabel linn
period 6
11/04/14
Very interesting topic to choose but also amazing. Just like Anonymous said the imagery and details were were great.
- Nais Zjaii Ragsdale
You're story made me want to read more from you. It was so descriptive I felt as if I was there watching it happen. You are a very talented writer and creative. The names taro and kuro were good names and fit the story well.
Like the use of imagery within the story really helps the story develop into something beautiful. Good job!
Mysterious and creepy. I loved it! Very specific and interesting
Josie Starr
period 2
This story was great I really liked how you expressed the creepiness of it and all the imagery
Angel Gonzalez.
p2
Wow , this made me open my eyes. This is a really deep dark eye opening story , GREAT JOB! Keep it up
I love this story i never like creepy stories but this is a good piece. I was wasn't going to read it because it looked to long for me but thank goodness i thought otherwise. The imagery of this story was good but this is my favorite story that i have read in the past year.
Period 6
Creepy stories are my favorite stories. I love how much imagery and darkness you put into this story. Very, very good!!
Andrew Hernandez
per 2
That was very interesting. It really kept me on my toes and made me kept me going. I know the feeling of losing someone, and it really does hurt. It's not something you get over easily, so I understand how she felt. In the end, I did not see that coming. I'm glad he came back to her. Imaginary or not, they both deserve to be happy. I really enjoyed reading your piece.
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
That was very interesting. It really kept me on my toes and made me kept me going. I know the feeling of losing someone, and it really does hurt. It's not something you get over easily, so I understand how she felt. In the end, I did not see that coming. I'm glad he came back to her. Imaginary or not, they both deserve to be happy. I really enjoyed reading your piece.
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
The use of imagery really set the mood for this piece, and it was perfect for an October written piece. Also the use of diction and comparison also made me enjoy what you wrote and how it gave a bit of mystery from beginning to end. Awesome job Cristina, you should write more often, if you don't already.
Period 1
This story was creepy, interesting, and nice to read. Many good details in the story. Keep up the good work.
P4
I really like this story. It immediately starts off as dark as the girl expresses her feelings of loss and as it progresses becomes sad as she cries from the loss of her imaginary friend. I liked the imagery used to describe the imaginary friend and how at the end he is described as dark, like his name. I found this very interesting and it left me wondering at the end, such as why does she see him as darkness now?
I really like how this guy was invisible. Like pretend you don't hear this pretend people in most stories now-a-days so I am proud of you putting that. But the plot twist that he was a very happy person but asks the narrator to come to the darkness.
~Clarissa Rojas
period 2
That's a creepy story. i like the way the main character describes the guy so that the reader understands why she loved him so much. he was perfect for her, and even though he was never real, she fell in love with it. Great job
Nehemiah Barnett
I really enjoyed reading your story. I loved that it was mysterious and kept me wondering. Maybe my interpretation of the piece isn't right but I like that it can be interpreted multiple different ways. Very interesting and fun to read.
Haylie D
Period 4
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this piece! I loved all the description and details you used, it made me feel like I was really in the story. I also love how you can interpret this story in multiple different ways. It's as if it can relate to anyone in any way they interpret it as. Great job! I loved it!
-Caitlin Nguyen
Period 5
Wow I really enjoyed this piece in that it gave us details as how this "imaginary Friend" had appeared and how he acted with the speaker of the piece. I like the fact that the friend's name was Kuro for black when in reality he was the complete opposite.
-Gabriel Borrego
Period 4
I really enjoyed reading this piece it had great details, I liked how the main character explains the guy. I really loved this story! Great job!
Sukhmeen Grewal
period 2
Great job, honestly. This was a very well written piece, and the play on words gave the story life. It really exemplifies the solitude of individuals and human desire for companionship. The structure also played in your favor, showing transitions in mood or events and exaggerating what was to be depicted.
This is really good!!! I love it when you describe everything in the story. Keep up the awesome work.
- Daisy Fuentes
Per. 2
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