There was this new kid that went to our school; man he
was such a loser. He almost tried out for sports once. It’s a good thing I was
there to tell him not to; I told him he would only get himself hurt, and drag
the team down. Later he thought it was a good idea to speak outta place during
class and actually have the nerve to raise his hand and try to answer a
question. So I made sure he knew the truth, that no one cared what he had to
say, to just do everyone a favor and shut up. I did a lot for him, like making
sure he didn’t go to any parties; just in case he thought he was actually
invited. Or actually have the nerve to ask the girl of his dreams to the dance;
he had to be told that he would never have a chance. He finally thanked me one
day, that new kid. I came to school
one day and found caution tape plastered onto the front gates. As I pushed
through the crowd I saw people sobbing, teachers and police men had the
expression of unbelief on their faces. I saw that new kid lying on the ground. Blood leaked from his mouth, in the
puddle of blood was a message written in crimson. It spelled “Thank you
________, thanks for everything”.
(Tell me… does your
name belong in that blank?)
64 comments:
Such a deep and dark short story. It really makes you reflect on whether you've been "that kid", the kid who bullied the "new" kid, because it is in the point of view of the bully, the bully mentions different action that led to the "new" kid's death, mentioning these actions and ending the story with "thank you ( ) thanks for everything"... and asking the reader if their name belongs in that blank really makes the reader reflect and think if they've ever been in that position.
Milani Thomas Per. 1
Christian, your story truly made me stop and think. It was genuinely one of the most thought provoking things I have ever read, especially at the end when you asked your readers if they have caused anyone pain. I felt myself cringing throughout the story as the narrator continuously "helped" the new kid at school. It's really unfortunate that your story has a lot of truth behind it; one person's comments can really make a difference when it comes to a person's life. Towards the end of the story, the narrator's regret and bitterness starts to show- but no one really recognizes a wrong being done until consequences are taken into consideration. Amazing job.
That left me speechless. I'm glad you wrote your topic on such an important issue of today's society. Bullies believe there doing the right thing for there victims and I think you hit the perspective of the "unaware bully". So many kids and teenagers are so oblivious of how much words affect another human being. To be a bully you don't have to do physical harm sometimes emotional harm is much worse. I like that you added that question at the end it allows me to reflect on my actions and how I'm not even aware if I have ever given someone a negative effect with my words. I'll think twice before I ever make a rude comment again.
Evelin Conde
11/1/14
p.5
Dang Christian! This story really made me think hard about life in general. I knew right from the beginning that this was from the perspective of a bully, I guess that was a no brainer. But just to be able to see the story from a bully's point of view was new and different. I like how you phrased these sentences, making it seem as though the bully thought he was doing the new kid a favor, when the reader really knows that the bully himself is ruining the kid's life. The way you ended the story was perfect, it brings bullying out more into the light.
Your writing style is really sarcastic and relaxed, which is great! I like the fact that I could picture all these events, and that this story made me think all through it. It was a sad story, but it makes the readers aware that bullying is a real thing that's happening to a lot of people.
This was a great post that I think everybody should read!
I like the fact that this story allows us to take in mind that the things we say sometimes can be really hurtful and affect one's life.
-Vymian San
Hey Christian!
This left me as speechless as the first time I read it. I love you imagery towards the end with the caution tape and the words written out in blood. You piece really does make me think about things I've said and how they affect people and how many times my name has been in that blank. Great piece! I always enjoy your writing and I really do hope that you put more entries up on here, so that others may indulge in your writings as well. Can't wait for the sequel of Priceless, honestly. KEEP WRITING, MAN (:
WOW. This story was quite interesting and meaningful. First off, I like how you used stylistic devices in the italicized words and its effect. It made me focus on the meaning behind it more carefully as I read through your passage. I also liked how relatable this story is to most everyone, as this can be seen as a reoccurring theme in many kids lives to this day. In addition, I liked the point of view you came from and how you added in the last line which really made a dramatic shift in tone and was intended for the reader. Really good job! -nate shepard p.1
Whoa! That was really good you really expressed the problem of people that think they are all that. That think they can tell kids what to do, where to go, and just bully them. Some kids think what they are doing is nice and its sooo self centered. This story can make then think.
Bethany Stitt
period2
11/5/14
I really enjoyed this story. The use of imagery in this story was also superb. This story also made me rethink about how I treat and talk to people.
-Pierce Bryant
WOW ..very speechless you story is very deap it really makes you stop and think about how you treat people. i love how you used imagery and how you made this story reality in a way. Period 6 -Nais Zjaii Ragsdale
Wow! This piece left me quite speechless. I thought it was very interesting that you chose to write this in the point-of-view of the bully and the fact that this bully believed that what he was doing to the new kid was actually some sort of favor. The bully believes that the new kid is actually benefitting from what the bully is doing to him. He believes that he is saving the kid from pain of being rejected or embarrassed, when in reality, he is doing nothing but hurting the new kid. This shows that we really have to evaluate our actions and words and the effect that they have on those around us. What we think is good for others may actually be the worst thing for them. Your piece shows that our words can really devastate others, to the point where lives could be lost. This point-of-view offers a new and interesting way to look at these types of situations and that little bit at the end where you ask if our name belongs in the blank also really made me think through my actions and words. Am I hurting my peers and loved ones without even knowing it? What effect are my words having on those around me? Overall, this was a very thought-provoking story and made for an interesting read.
Danielle Delgado
Period 1
11/05/2014
Bruh! This story blew my mind. This can literally happen to anyone and you make a good point to be nice to everyone because you never know what they will take away from your conversations. Good job.
This story is quite shocking. Using the perspective of the bully added a unique twist; helping the reader better understand prideful view point of the bully. The fact that he spoke in such a casual and high an mighty style really did build the bully's character. Overall, this was a very inspirational piece that makes the reader not only examine the character of the bully, but also your own personal character.
Eva Badal
Per. 1
Wow! this is a very sad and well written story. I really enjoyed how you ended the story with a question and how you left a space for a name so it can make people think about how they treat other people. Good job
Valerie Perez
11/6/14
Period 6
That was powerful and a very interesting read, I loved this piece. It shows that you may think you are saving someone from humiliation by telling them to keep their heads down and telling them they can't do things, but you're actually hurting them more than humiliation ever could. And everything bad happens to the new kid, huh? Great work!
-Cristina Sanchez
This piece was really eyeopening to say the least. I thought the whole thing you did with the blank to put your name was genius. It really allows you to reflect about how you're living your life.
- Angel Ramirez
Period 1
Wow! that was really crazy and sad but this was a really good story he tried helping him but it turned out that he wasn't really at all he was making it worse.
Angel Gonzalez
p2
This was a great but really sad story. I like how it show that you should never bully someone. Not even a little bit because even if you say one mean thing that can hurt them. you never know how much they can take. All in all great story.
kyle baker
period 6
Amazing Christian! This was a very creative and beautiful way to get the readers to reflect on the way they treat others. The fact that you ended this with a strong and powerful question was very moving. I loved your message as to be careful what you say to people because you never really know the impact you can have on them. Regardless of who you are, you matter and we shouldn't put it in your own hands to control or tell someone else how to live their life.
This was so deep and creative I cant believe someone would actually think there doing him a favor by telling him not to do anything especially saying that the girl of his dreams doesn't like him. You should never put someone down. Good job
This was really such an eye opener. Your story was sad but beautifully written and hopefully it will effects all its readers and make them reflect and see if they have ever been that kid. Amazing job.
Sara Arredondo
per. 4
Wow is all I have to say. This story is so inspiring to me, I would try to correct you like you said in the story but their is nothing to correct.
Period 6
Your story was cruelly sad, which is great, because it gives me a new perspective of my actions. Throughout your piece, I began to resent the speaker. He was being a bully for what he thought were righteous reasons. But if he actually cared about the new kid, he would have mentioned his name, so the lack of a name adds to the feeling of isolation that you created. The most prominent part of the piece is obviously the blank and the author's note you left. It was very unique that you nonchalantly revealed your message, while some authors will have readers dig deep for it. Fantastic writing!
This just really made me dislike the speaker, and realize that there are people like this around me. Its not just fiction but real life. And its sad to think that stuff like this is real, but it is, and I'm happy someone finally said it (or wrote about it). Christian you wrote a very powerful story with a wonderful message, and I loved reading it.
^Katelynn Gutierrez p.4
This was a good story and i love how this actually happens every day so its like if you were telling a true story which i love but its also sad.
I also love how at the end you added have you ever been that kid.It also shows people need to be more kind to each other its like a life lesson which i love in the story.Good Job Christian
Juan Acero
Period 6
Wow this poem is really deep. It is an issue faced in society today. It raises awareness for the people at school who are bullies and make fun of others, rather it be to make fun of them or say something rude. It makes the reader consider the things they say before saying it because we all come from different backgrounds and others may not know what you have been through.
CHILLS! Complete chills. This is beautiful, it sends such a deep and meaningful message to everyone of all ages. Because of the fact that bullying is brought into retrospect so much these days from outside sources is a great thing. I brings self awareness, but the sad part is when you feel like your not even doing something wrong. You don't realize it, until it is too late. Poor new kid..
This piece made me feel a lot of sympathy for the new kid. It's sad knowing that this is all true in our society today. Many kids hide their emotions and let people get to them. By adding your last statement, "Tell me… does your name belong in that blank?" it made a powerful impact on the readers. Whether or not your name belongs there or not, its moving and shows the influence of what others say about you. Your piece helped not only me, but others realize the importance of thinking before speaking. I never really know the impact I have on others, but I do know I want to leave a good and positive impact with the words I say. Great job!
Thanks for the feels man! This story deals with the harsh reality that we wont be here forever and we shouldn't waste time counting others out who haven't had a chance because there is no gurantee that we will be here tomorrow, and we might regret the tings we say to one another once their gone. I loved the way you delivered that final message in the story. Very great story man it was sad and had me reflecting on myself. Great job!
-Daniel Alaniz P.4
Whoah. This piece was really intense and suspenseful.I really love the meaning behind it. People now days bully so much and sometimes they don't even notice it. While I was reading this, all I though was, "Wow, this guy is really mean," but I've had people say those types of things to me, so I understand. Words do hurt and we all need to be careful on what we say because it may affect that person. The last line really got to me and left me speechless. I really love your piece, it's very impacting. Great job.
Grace Panjaitan
Period 4
That piece gave me chills , I like how it mapped out the logic of peoples actions and the question at the end is relevant to those who feel the need to stomp of others esteem. I enjoyed this pieced and i found it quit informative .
From the moment I started reading, I immediately felt sympathy for the kid getting bullied, but I think what made this piece really interesting was the fact that it was written from the point-of-view of the bully. Often when you read through first-person perspective, you usually feel and gain a sense of understanding for the speaker, but in this piece, that isn't the case. You delivered your message in a unique way by making the reader feel uncomfortable about the justifications the bully was making. It's also bothersome to realize that the bully feels proud about what he did saying "He finally thanked me one day, the new kid" and then discovering the way the new kid did so. I really loved how this piece made me think about the complexities of bullies. Good job!
Christian, I loved how you used pathos to convey your sympathy for the new kid and make the reader feel this same sympathy. The message about bullying really relates to today's society in that the problems displayed in the story are easily relatable to anyone who has ever felt like an outcast. It sends a message to the bullies who do not know how badly they are affecting those that they bully until they drive them over the edge. The bloody imagery you used to describe the new kid's death made the most impact on me due to the fact that it made me realize how sad this new kid was and how we, as a society, need to help people like this kid.
-Sophia Bobadilla P.1
Really great detail , very powerful and eye opening story! Shows toodays society and real life . Great story! keep it up .
Christian, the irony of the bully's actions throughout this story portrays the idea that bullies see themselves as helpful. This really made me sympathize with the new kid. Great piece!
Ebohni Smith
Period 4
This is such a great piece! The underlying meaning behind this is so important & should be read by everyone! I love how you gave the perspective of bullier rather than that of the bully because you can clearly see the "innocence" they had before the death actually occurred. The way you used imagery gave me chills, especially at the end with the descriptive crime scene! The message that you conveyed here should be understood by everyone and taken into consideration. Its truly sad seeing people leave us because of the hatred they received, usually for no specific reason. Society needs to continue to better itself on the issue of bullying because we cannot have more lives lost. But seriously, great job!
WOW. Just wow. This was very powerful and makes everyone think for a little bit. Great job! Keep it up!
Noah Martinez
period 2
Wow that was a great story it was so little but said so much Great Job!!
P4
This story is very sad and true. It brings up a deep subject that is sad to think about and unfortunately occurs in some schools. It made think more about the subject and hit me how true it is. The blank in the note and comment below also really made me think about my own actions and those around me. I really enjoyed this story.
Charles Purcell
Period 5
As always Christian, you've created a thought-provoking piece of work that seizes the reader and forces them to leave with something new. I believe you have the potential to create something very powerful, and I implore you to continue writing.
Wow, it was deep and sad in the end. Even though it sad it had great imagery and details. Keep it up.
that was such a dark story, it made me think a lot. like never assume something and it tugged at my heart strings
-Nicholas Canez
Perhaps my favorite part of your piece is the break of the fourth wall and shift from third to second person point of view, because there's this pent up hatred and disgust for the speaker, but then it turns into a matter of self-reflection, and I do truly believe that every single human alive today would belong in that blank: I included. Perhaps everyone's infliction of pain upon others is varying in degree, but there are none of us that have never in our lives made another human being feel depreciated. Incorporating that idea into your shift of perspective from third to second person, I love that you're essentially making a call to action, a wake up call to us all to be more self-aware and be better people. Kudos!
Very sad story. It was very deep in the end but had very good imagery. Good story overall.
per.2
Christian,
This struck a chord in my mind. You started off small and built off into this crescendo of abusive and negative criticism of potential we carry. Your utilization of first person really puts in a different perspective of what we think we see is right but in reality it might be the worst thing we can do for others. We may not have physically murdered somebody, but maybe true death is when your spirit to keep going in life is dead. Motivation backs us up and pushes us through the struggles in life. When you take that away along with conviction, confidence, and faith, you might have murdered that person by shaping them in that way. Our actions have consequences, and we should be more careful of the things we do.
-Gian Velasquez
P.1
11/6/14
It's cruel, sad, and dark, but really tells a story that actually can happen to anybody. It hits hard to people who have been bullied because it really pressures them into anxiety and insecurity and sometimes that leads into suicide. Honestly, this had me because your story grabs readers emotionally. -Joey Roest
Well dang. I don't even know how to respond to this but I'll do my best. I mean the ambiguity of it all makes it apply to everyone. That new kid is all the new kids everywhere. And the question at the end. Does my name belong in the blank? That really gets me thinking. Has it? I mean I try to be nice to everyone. I try to make everyone feel welcome because everyone deserves to be. But are there times when I don't? Have I ever done something like this to someone? I mean I have made terms with the one person I did not treat well and we're still friends. But are there people that I have bullied but I didn't even know and they still think of me that way? Very thought provoking work. Impressive.
Christian, this piece really struck me in an incredibly impactful war. You create a sense of irony by contrasting the actual events of the reality with what the bully believed would end up happening. This really is eye - opening, and causes one to realize that sometimes our "protective" actions actually do more harm than good, and end up hurting those around us. This story reinforces the thought that no matter what a person's intentions are, they must always realize the implications of their actions before it is too late. Thank you for this piece, I truly enjoyed it!
Wow. Christian your story was really good! I loved how meaningful and deep it was. Your story showed me that the things people say can really impact their lives. Overall, I thought your story was fabulous. Keep up the great work.
-Philip Ahn
P5
Oh my gosh. This was such a great story I'm speechless. I loved everything about it. It really made me realize how much words and actions really do impact others. I loved how it was simple, straight to the point, but so powerful at the same time. With only a couple of lines and simple words, you truly made a difference and impact on our lives by reading this story and the story says the same as well. Really great job!
-Caitlin Nguyen
Period 5
Wow what a great story, very thought provoking and creative. This was just a well rounded story, good job!
nice story very creative it really details the way words and action can make a big impact in your life or in others lifes
The message you conveyed in this piece of writing was very well written. It was concise and right to the point. The imagery you used on the death of the new kid just emphasized and dramatized just how of an impact words can be on someone. I liked how the question you put at the end of your writing got the audience to remember just how much words alone can move someone and how the question got the audience to evaluate themselves to check if they have been putting anyone down. Great job in getting your message across.
Wow Christian, very powerful message. It is important to treat people the way they should be and not how we think they should be treated. At the end, when you changed perspective from first person to second to address personal decisions had a great impact on the overall story. Thank you for writing this!
-Frederick Sagoe
Wow. Creepy and insightful. I love your use of diction in this story and your syntax. It creates a more intense emotion and stresses importance on the word new. Your imagery is vivid and it creates the setting in my mind as I read. I have so many emotions jumping about and that ending just tops it off with a bang. Unexpected and just has me gasping. Truly magnificent.
-Katheryn Valle p.4
Your piece had a very strong message. I really liked your writing style and how you ended with the line connecting it to the reader. I was a new kid once and luckily never have had to experience such a thing before but I have seen other new kids have to go through being bullied themselves.There was a lot of intensity throughout your piece and it kept my attention the entire time. Nice work!
-Alyssa Anastasi
Madi Cordura P. 1
Christian I always love hearing/reading what you have to write. After having English with eachother last year, I was so happy to find out that you are in my class again this year. You constantly pour all of your emotions into all of your work. Your writing just amazes me. I strive to be like you when I write. This is something everyone can relate to because we all want to be that person for someone else. We all want to be the person to reach out because sometimes we feel like the new kid as well. I loved every aspect of this. I especially loved how you italicized the word new and I loved the very ending when you asked everyone if their name belongs in the blank. This is amazing I admire you!
Oh my gosh!!!! This is so sad but it's a really good story. This is the kind of story I would read. You did amazing!!
- Daisy Fuentes
Per. 2
When I read this story, it amazed me how the speaker believed he was helping the bully but only pushing him towards the brink of his in-existence in the high school. Why are people so cruel as to pose as "friends" when they are monsters appalls me. Great writing and I enjoy how you truly made any reader connect to the story as an innocent bystander or guilty accomplice.
-Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
I was super duper excited when I saw your name as one of the blog writers for this month and got really SUPER DUPER DEE DUPER when I saw the title because i remembered that I was one of the first people that read this story (via text) so I am honored to comment on such brilliant work! First things first, this is the realest because so many people actually do this without acknowledging their own actions... And you twisting this plot with such a scary disturbing sad ending just shows that this can happen when people get hurt to the point where they cannot deal with it anymore. Amazing work Christian! :D
-Jaena Lauren Fabia
PERIOD 4
Woah this is creepy! I love it! Its really sad but its kind of creppy to! I loved your use of imagery it was great! I could actually see this kid being a complete jerk to this new kid! Amazing job! I also like it becasue honestly this is how some people act nowadays there so mean and dont know the outcome of things. And i like how you put in the end about the name because people today are such bullies and dont really think about what the other person can do if they really are hurt by certain people. It will make people think twice about others treat one another! Keep writing!
wow Christian! This story really opened my eyes and made me see how bullying affects people. I really like how you told it from the first person point of view of the bully, and I see that most of the time the bully doesn't think that they are in the wrong, but how they feel helpful and a bit insecure.
-Jacob Valdez
Period 4
Your decision to tell the story from the first person's perspective is a good one. Your vivid imagery really takes the audience closer to the scenes depicted. I also agree with your purpose. Prompting your readers to examine themselves and their role in society. Too often people bully others without realizing it. Thank you for sharing your work in the pursuit of a noble purpose.
-Adan Chavez
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