Let
me tell you a little story. A story about when I was just a kid. I was a kid
going to a Halloween Dance. Mind you, I was just a kid. Anyway, I went to the
dance, yes. Oh, I forgot to mention, I didn’t have a car at this time. I walked
there. To the school. Alone. I had gone to the dance with Emily. Long blonde
hair, pretty blue eyes? Oh yes…
We
had a great time. There was great food, and the songs were nice too. The
decorations were also on point. “Spider webs” hanging from the ceiling and
walls, goo coming from the walls. The costumes were also pretty nice. Some
dressed as Dracula or an armored knight. The girls dressed like a Banshee and
whatnot. That was THE dance to go to. The dance of the year! I could never
forget! Also what happened after the dance… It was… not a great experience.
You
see after it was all over, I had gotten my cellphone and called my parents to
pick me up. SURPRISE, MY PHONE WAS DEAD. The only way to get into contact with
my parents was to use my phone. Emily didn’t bring a phone with her, and I
didn’t have any other friends. I had no way of contacting them. I soon decided
why not just walk home. I mean, I had walked to the dance, so why not walk back
home, right? I walked out of the school however, no one was outside. Why was no
one here? I went back into the school and no one was there either… The music
was still playing; the trash was still on the floor. It’s almost as if everyone
abandoned the place. I went back outside, and to my surprise there were cars
there. They weren’t there before. I just ignored all that stuff and walked
home.
While
I was walking home, I heard footsteps behind me. I started picking up my pace,
eventually running back home. Afraid of who it was or what might’ve happened if
I looked behind. I soon reached my home and went inside. Locked the doors
tightly and made sure no one could get in or out. That’s when it happened; I
saw it in front of me. My parents. On the floor. Dead. I rushed to the phone and
tried to call the police. The phone didn’t work. I quickly escaped this place,
wanting no more memories of it. But here I am, 30 years later. I still
remember, but I don’t want to. It haunts me day and night. I can’t talk to
anyone anymore. It’s like I’m insane. Am I? I’m not sure anymore. Am I insane?
I’m not sure anymore. I went back to my old house. The one I walked to on that
day. I reached the house. Something came out the door. Mom? Dad?
17 comments:
That plot twist surely surprised me. Your story story was very interesting to read.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
I thought this piece was so interesting and it had a confusing plot twist. What I mean by confusing is that I want to know how the parents were dead on the floor it really boggles my mind how it happened. Plus at the end I really want to know if the people who answered to door was his parents. This was a really good story that I really liked!
Sarah Skibby
Period 6
A very compelling and bone chilling story. The believable start of the story had me hooked from the start to the end. I particularly like how you added ambiguity regarding the speaker's sanity. The dead phone statement in the third and fourth paragraph showed how panicked the speaker was when he found the bodies of his parents and helped me see how shocked the speaker was. The speaker is quite believable and that just makes this story all the more frightening. Your story is a worthy addition to the October blog. Good job!
Okay, can I just say I personally hate stories like this, where there is no resolution or ending. I know it is meant for me to think of my own ending but I don't like that! Overall it was suspenseful and scary.
Josie Starr
period 2
The casual diction in the beginning of your story made me think that this story was completely true for a minute there. The simple, short sentences was reminiscent of child's point of view, which made your story even more believable. Because you were able to establish a believable environment, the plot twist you added was an even greater shock. I was also shocked that nothing physically bad happened to the speaker but rather the parents, which also added to the effect of your plot twist. Your story definitely matched the theme of Halloween, great job!
Your use of words in the story made me believe that it was real. I love how you repeated some of the phrases to emphasize the drama. I really want to know how the parents died though!! You should totally make a part 2 on the story and talk about who answered the door! Amazing job on the story!!
Shayan Khan
Period 6
I really like this story because it is told in first person as if you were talking to me. I also like how it matches the theme of halloween. But i be careful on how you write your stories. Im not sure if you wrote it like this on purpose but be careful with writing how you talk. Besides that its good
I love how your use of a first person point of view really helped me understand the character's emotions. I also loved the plot twist at the end of the story. Please make a part 2, i just want to know who came to the door!
-Daniel Alaniz Period 4
This story was very insetting. I liked how you use modern terms and also has a lot of descriptive detail. Not knowing how the parents die is bugging me. Great cliff hanger and awesome writing.
By Jesse Jauegui
This piece is giving me the chills. But it also made me really curious of what had happened to his parents. Overall, I love your story.
-Chiquitita Annisa
I was hooked the whole time! I loved your style of writing. It was very well written. It was honestly a great read. :)
~ Hallie Deeds
period 2
Your story was great i liked it and i was wondering if his parents were ever dead. WHAT A TWIST ! -Oshae Christophe
period 2
This was a good story but now it has me wondering hoe his parents died and who answered the door but overall Good Job.
-Kamau O
-P.2
Charles Purcell
Period 5
What began as a good humored and comical story quickly spiraled into something hellish. You keep a good and consistent tone that gradually shifts to fit the darkness of the ending. Great job on the even transition and creepy Halloween atmosphere.
I like how you described one of the characters and how they look liked. Also how you used imagery to show how the setting look liked.
-Period 6
-Luis Toro
I liked how you began the story, I was hooked to the story the whole time! I loved this story! Great job!
Sukhmeen Grewal
period 2
The imagery in the story is amazing! I loved how it started off as the retelling of a the dance. The short sentences gave depth to the character and actually made me think he was a kid at first, but later on I realized it was like a flashback. The plot twist occurred very suddenly and was a shock to the reader. My favorite part was the ending and how both the reader and the main character do not know whether or not he is sane; the audience has to decide if he is a credible source. I liked this alot!
Diana Padilla
period 1
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