I am a victim of parentification. While that sentence sounds scary, it’s actually transformed me into who I am today. The U.S. Department of Education describes parentification as “the process of role reversal whereby a child or adolescent is obliged to act as a parent to their own parent or sibling.” More simply, parentification occurs when a child takes on parental responsibilities, whether it's doing household chores or giving emotional support. This means that parents rely on their child to fulfill tasks that are beyond their age level. Sometimes, parents directly ask the child to help, or the child volunteers because they want to feel closer to the parent. In other cases, parents unintentionally encourage this behavior by rewarding it with praise or extra attention, or by not giving negative feedback when the child takes on adult roles. In essence, parentification happens when a child steps into the role of a parent within the family. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, about 1.4 million children and adolescents in the United States experience parentification, so experiences can vary. In my case, I was the oldest daughter of 3 boys, I forced myself to grow up to be there for my brothers when my parents couldn’t. I began making meals for them, helping with homework, bathing them, and teaching them right from wrong. However, as soon as I took on the role of “3rd parent”, more and more things became expected of me and I was held to a higher standard. My parents felt as if I could handle life on my own so they backed off and my responsibility grew. While it was extremely overwhelming, I consider my experience with parentification a blessing. We all need to mature at some point and get ready for the real world, some just prepare a little early. Most times, pressure has a negative connotation, but without it, we would be living life with no growth. By taking on adult responsibilities, kids can learn important life qualities like independence, perseverance, and maturity. Children's ability to make decisions are sharpened as they learn how to handle challenging circumstances and find efficient solutions. Taking on caring responsibilities also helps people develop empathy and compassion because they learn how to recognize and meet the needs of others, which strengthens family bonds. When parents and kids work together to manage responsibilities and solve challenges, parentification can benefit a child in the long run. Their feeling of power and self-efficacy can be developed, strengthening their confidence and sense of identity. Parentification has positively molded me into the person I am today. Being forced to mature faster has pushed my goals and ambitions far beyond what is deemed “appropriate for my age”. As I reflect on my journey, I can't help but wonder: could my childhood have been different? What if I had been allowed to just be a kid, free from the weight of adult responsibilities? While I may never know the answer, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the person I have become as a result.
Work Cited:
Chase, Nancy D. “Burdened Children: Theory, Research, and Treatment of Parentification.” ERIC, Sage Publications, 2455 Teller Road, Thousand Oaks, CA 91320 (paperback: ISBN-0-7619-0764-5, $24.95; hardcover: ISBN-0-7619-0763-7, $52.95). Tel: 805-499-0721; Fax: 805-499-0871; e-mail: order@sagepub.com; Web site: http://www.sagepub.com., 30 Nov. 1998, eric.ed.gov/?id=ED441561.
Holland, Author: Maggie. “Parentification: What Is a Parentified Child?” Choosing Therapy, www.choosingtherapy.com/parentification/. Accessed 13 Feb. 2024.
Staff, Newport Academy. “What Is Parentification? Signs of a Parentified Child.” Newport Academy, 11 July 2023, www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/parentification/#:~:text=The%20result%20is%20a%20phenomenon,the%20United%20States%20experience%20parentification.
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