A college student stumbles across a friend. The friend says, “Hey man! How has life been? I haven’t seen you since school started.” The student replies, “Oh hey, it’s been great. Yeah, hardly see you anywhere nowadays.”
“We should totally grab something to eat some time! You know, to catch up on life and whatnot.”
“Totally!”
“Great! Well… I’m on my way to class right now, so I have to go. Text me if you need anything! You know I’m always here.”
The college student heads back to his dorm and closes the door. Soon, he finds himself on the floor, facing an emotional breakdown. After recovering, his first concern is, “I’m glad no one was here to see this.”
Too often, men grow up to believe that revealing their emotion is the “unmanly” thing to do. Social construct has taught us that the highest value of man is to assert dominance at all costs. We associate masculinity with not being able to cry in public, having no weaknesses, being violent, and treating women as objects. These broken ideals of the socially-accepted definition of “masculinity” have tampered with a multitude of relationships, and have led us to build a “glass ceiling” around their own character. It has hindered the ability to see past our privilege and recognize that these exact ideals have manifested issues that only exist because of a facade we feel the need to put up to avoid getting their guy friends to say, “Just man up.”
According to the NISVS’s 2010 Sexual Violence Report, “90% of sexual violence against women was from men, and 93% of sexual violence against men was from other men.” Then one may say, “Well there are many factors that affect their upbringing.” To counter, Dr. Valerie Hudson accounted for 350 of these external variables in 175 countries and concluded that not only does patriarchy and male aggression contribute to numerous global issues under the sun, but also found that men have the highest suicide rate. Some may believe it is because men have more testosterone than women. Contrary to this belief, professor of psychology from Knox College, Frank McAndrew says there is little to no connection between testosterone and aggression. Toxic masculinity has been an issue under our noses, and it is time to cast away the negative terms that are so often linked to it.
I am not saying men should stop being courageous, tough, and powerful. Masculinity should be redefined to mean “the ability to use the qualities that make us who we are to deepen the understanding of our heart.” What I mean by this is to be courageous enough to be vulnerable , tough enough to be sensitive , and to drop our ego and listen to the women in our life. We need to break from this glass ceiling and rise above this brute nature. Through this, we can build fruitful and genuine relationships, romantic or not. Many of us find ourselves in situations similar to that of the college student at the beginning. With this new definition of masculinity, it can spare many of us from suffering alone.
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32 comments:
BRO PERIOD! You tell ‘em Rinel! I think the exact same thing. Our society for so long has put this strong emphasis that men have to be those super “emotionless” or “buff” dudes that do a lot of handywork, etc. In some respects, that is largely shaped by how the history of our civilization has come to be, but I also think that with today’s new ideologies, we can’t be setting standards for “gender roles.” Also, I completely agree with your statement, “‘Masculinity should be redefined to mean “the ability to use the qualities that make us who we are to deepen the understanding of our heart.’” Quite frankly, I believe that someone would be considered more “masculine” if they are able to show emotions, be able to have a “heart” for someone else. Great job!
I really liked how you defined masculinity. I liked how you touched on how it should not be all about being tough, and that it is okay to show your emotions.
This story was well-written. I like how you started it off as a conversation between two college students, but then switched to facts about men and emotions. I agree with the fact that men should not be afraid to show their emotions because they do not want to hurt their "masculinity" level. I really liked this concept that you wrote about.
I like how you open up with the interaction between the two college students in a situation that seems a little too relatable to others then point out the facts then end with a strong conclusion on what you believe real masculinity is. Great piece!
Masculinity is a tricky topic to traverse since many have polarized opinion that either agrees with what is written here or the societal definition that you also bring up. Typically the latter opinion is viewed as the 'old way' of things vs the other which is seen as more progressive. Personally I agree with your writing and like how you defined the more 'progressive' outlook of masculinity.
This story was really well written and I liked the way you introduced the topic by the small interaction the in the beginning of the story, it really helped flow into your argument. - Katera Perry
I like how you provided your own point of view and definition of masculinity and I completely agree. I believe that people should stop trying to follow the standards that society has had and men should not be afraid to show their true emotions because we are all humans and we all feel and a person showing feelings does not mean they are weaker, because you need character and strength to be able to express yourself as well.
I love your standpoint! Your message was impeccable. I too believe it’s vital for everyone to be able to equally express themselves without the fear of judgment.
I loved how you redefined masculinity in a way that is not often done. Too often men are neglected the opportunity to express their emotions because society has deemed it "manly" to do so. I enjoyed seeing your opinion on this toxic practice that is now normalized and I completely agree with your stance. Great work!!
Great analysis Rinel! Reading the part about how men's suicide rates are the highest reminds me of a project we did in AP Gov where we found that although women attempt suicide on a higher rate, men are more successful because they use more violent methods. This also relates to your interpretation of toxic masculinity because men are not encouraged to share the stress they experience from jobs and other problems, so they keep everything bottled up. I liked your new definition of masculinity and think it's a first step to a healthier mentality!
This was such an interesting topic! I agree with how you view masculinity and I liked the way the piece was written. From a general, common story to facts, you included enough information to support and get your point across. Good job!
You better speak on it, Rinel! Your points were already great, but incorporating facts and different statistics really strengthen your claim and made it bulletproof. In addition, your new definition of masculinity was incredibly powerful and profound. Wonderful work!
I loved the inclusion of statistics and expert opinions in your argument. I agree that society has a very strict and sometimes dangerous view of masculinity and the way you articulated that was impressive. I love how calm and logical your argument was because I usually see arguments on this topic tend to stray from that and become hard to take seriously. -Isabella Patterson
Interesting description of masculinity, while I do think that violence also has to do with the fact that structurally, females are made with weaker strength than males are made, so that is definitely a factor that contributes to violence. But yes unfortunately just as masculinity is socially defined so is femininity as well and there isn't much that could be done about these things.
Your story was very well written and the transition from the story to the analysis was very smooth. Also i love the topic you wrote about and I totally agree! Overall, very good job and i love your perspective. -Kaj Miranda
Very well said! I honestly find that the world is filled with toxic masculinity and it is something that really shouldn't be an issue. Men are people too and have emotions just as much as women. I love how your idea of what masculinity should be redefined to.
Yes! Exactly! 1000/10! I was brought up thinking that any sign of emotion was weakness. Letting out a tear was a sign of homosexuality which is not true! Sadly I cannot convey emotions well so in turn I don't know how to comfort people who are having a moment when they are down. When my uncle died I couldn't let out a single tear even though I was close to him and I thought "why?" But later when I was discussing this with my older sister I realized that it was because I was taught not to.
I thought the scenario in the beginning of your piece was very well done and showcased the point you were trying to make. I definitely agree that a lot of times, there is an expectation from men to not be very emotional and instead be tough. While sometimes these traits may be a good thing, I feel like they also shouldn't define what it means to be masculine. Good job!
Rinel!! This was such an amazing piece!! It gives everyone a different perspective of what masculinity really is. This piece showed a side of men that is often not represented all too well, that being the emotional side of men. Rinel, please keep this up!
Thank you so much for addressing the whole issue of the expectations of society on males to be these unemotional stoics who can't have a good cry. Males are humans too and we do have emotions hidden or not, and bottling it up leads to trauma and psychological damage. Well said, and again, thank you for writing about this man. -Justin Lim
Beautiful. I have no choice but to stan. It is sad to know that we live in a world where men are told they need to by overly dominant in order to fit the mold of a true man. I am very glad that you used your entry to show the consequences to this social construct, especially the violence. Not only does this tamper with the treatment of woman/men, but it does extreme damage to the man's mental state. Like many other social constructs, I hope that we can change this concept of masculinity so that other qualities can finally be socially accepted, and allow men to be "couregous, tough, and powerful" in their own way. You just took the first step, so thank you.
-Julia Lozano
This was an amazing piece and you did a wonderful job at defining masculinity. I am very glad that your perspective about masculinity allows men to be true to themselves and opens that glass that restricts men from expressing their emotions. Many men believe that crying is a sign of weakness when really it's a human quality. Crying and feeling emotion is often how many people move past situations which is why everyone is allowed to feel pain and show it without being judged. Great Job!!
Amazing writing! I really liked how you started off with a small story and conversation between two friends because it caught my attention even more. I’m also really glad that you were able to address a topic such as masculinity and I enjoyed reading this!
Amazing writing! I really liked how you started off with a small story and conversation between two friends because it caught my attention even more. I’m also really glad that you were able to address a topic such as masculinity and I enjoyed reading this!
Thank you for this awesome assessment of masculinity! This post puts many ideals under one umbrella of toxic masculinity which outlines how social norms can negatively affect men in society. People many times hide their emotions until they are alone, and if they do not they are viewed as being weak or too feminine. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the matter and hopefully it can bring change to society for the better!
This was a very well written story and great commentary on a recurring social issue. I really liked the dialogue between two college students and used statistics to back up your premise. I do believe as well that there needs to be a balance between men being a rock and a strong leader while also being expressive. Great job man.
I love this topic!!! I think men are too often shamed especially in this country for showing their feminine side. It has so much to do with culture. I think you were spot on in your opinions and facts. Loved it!!
I totally agree Rinel! I really liked how you started the story with a man pretending to be ok when he was really emotionally hurt. Toxic Masculinity is a huge issue in our society today so I really appreciate how much effort you put into bringing more awareness to it.
Bro this piece hit differently. I can agree that us guys have to show some masculinity in our lives just to keep an image. But there should be a balance between masculinity and opening up. Your assessment of masculinity is spot on, good work!
Rinel I absolutely love this! Toxic masculinity is and has been so prominent from time to time with no end. It has brought about demeaning stereotypes of emotion being considered as weak and that aggression proves strength. I especially loved when you wrote, "What I mean by this is to be courageous enough to be vulnerable, tough enough to be sensitive, and to drop our ego and listen to the women in our life." Not only does this call out the image men always try to live by, it redefines masculinity itself. It is vulnerability and compassion that helps with growth in a man, or with anyone! Great job!
I love how you redefine masculinity to mean something that isn’t toxic, but beneficial to both the men and women in society. Having emotions is such a human thing and the fact that half of humanity feel like they can’t express theirs is truly heartbreaking and damaging to everyone involved and has given rise to so many problems. I really love your take and outlook on this topic, you did a really good job.
I agree with the fact that men should not worry about pride so much. Times are different now and people are fine with standing out. There are groups that someone is able to find themselves in. Being pressured to be the best one can be or their ego being crushed can have a severe impact on a man's life. If men just let that go and let the bonds of people you make define who you are as a being is way better than trying to be the best guy one can possibly be.
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