"Opportunities" by Kayla H

      Why are we so quick to doubt ourselves? Is it because we believe we are not good
enough? Or not smart enough? Even when we are told that it is possible, we believe the exact opposite. Throughout my life I've always doubted myself, mainly because I believe the negative comments that people say about me. So I don't try. I believe that if that is what people think about me while i'm trying then why try at all. I constantly doubt myself about the smallest things which has leaded up to anxiety and overstressing. Although this negativity in my life is a constant reminder of my insecurities, I've learned to use that as my motivation. To do better and prove everyone wrong. I've been given so many opportunities in my life and all I can wonder is why, why me? Why was I finally chosen to correct my mistakes and change. Out of everyone who is going through the same thing, or maybe worse, I was given an opportunity. An opportunity that will define me in all my glory. Being handed this opportunity gives me a fresh start, to start from scratch and a chance to redefine myself. “ When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade” is the saying people say to imply that when you have been given an opportunity, you make something out of it. So what will i make out of this opportunity? I've spent my entire life cruising about , not worrying about the fact that my actions have consequences. And by those actions I mean not focusing on my future and the consequence has lead me questioning myself and the people who claim to be there for me.
     Being blessed with this opportunity was not just handed to me, but had to be worked for. My mother, a strong beautiful woman, was the one who encourages me to work hard. She, out of everyone, is the only one who is by my side when I need her. She is the only one who believes that I can do anything that I put my mind to. When I got the letter from the college program that I

applied for, my mom had just picked me up from school. I was overwhelmed with thoughts. What if i didn’t get in? What if I wasn’t good enough to make it? What will my parents think of me? Because they only excepted sophomores, this was the only chance I had to prove everyone wrong. As soon as my thoughts cleared up, my whole family watched as I slowly opened the letter that will soon lead me to a better future. As I read the letter, my eyes lit up with joy knowing that I had been accepted. Suddenly I didn’t feel that sense of disappointment or doubt that circles around my head. I felt proud, that something that I had worked hard for was finally my opportunity to change. Even though this program was an opportunity for me to make something of myself, meet new people, and try different things; it was also an opportunity to show my family that I am capable and ready to take on different obstacles through life.
     But still, to this day, i still wonder why out of all 400 girls that applied, they chose 50, and i was a part of that 50. Is it because i AM actually good enough? Or smart enough? Were all my thoughts and criticisms the only thing that has been stopping me from truly believing in myself and achieving something greater? I guess so because once I actually believed I could do something and I had that courage to try and risk failing, it was all worth it.