My
morning started later than usual, around 8:48am, the sun barely coming through
the covered windows, and it smelled of ham throughout the house. The phone rang
with the desk officer on the other end, it was then that I found out about
their deaths. The officer gave me a location just outside of town, on the main
highway, and I was on the move.
Brenda
was already up making breakfast as usual, eggs and ham this morning. I asked
her for my food to-go so I could head right to the station and pick up my gear.
It was a cold and foggy day out, misting a little bit. My car was iced over a
little, which was common during the spring.
The
town seemed a little more alive today than most, with people out and about with
their trekking poles extended and Patagonia vests on heading out to the Mt.
Powell trailhead. It seemed off, like it was something out of a fiction I read
back in high school.
Upon
arriving at the station, Thomas Wellings approached me as I was heading into
the station. Thomas was the father of one of the victims, and was bombarding me
with demands to answers I did not have. He followed me to my office door, and I
asked him to leave, comfort his wife, and to let us do our jobs in finding out
who would hurt such an innocent teenager. Although, to be frank, there was
nothing innocent about his children.
I
arrived at the crime scene little after 9:30am, and was briefed by one of my
deputies, Dale Yarburogh. I walked around the small turn-off to see any if the
CSIs missed anything, but there was nothing more. This troubled me, not being
able to find anything else besides the obvious.
I
looked inside the car where the bodies were. Two teenagers, boy and girl, shot
in the head. There was more blood spatter against the passenger side, meaning
that the gunman had to have been standing by the drivers side. Next to the open
door was three bullet casings, the gun they came from unknown. It was unclear
as to how this happened, but the fact remained that we had a lot of work ahead
of us.
I went
back to the station with Dale and my other deputy, Vinny Castro. We were
greeted by the desk officer, John Felmin, who gave us the call log to examine
who made the call to report the crime. It was a young couple who were skiing at
the local resort, and were returning to the resort after attending an event
down the hill. Their alabi checked out, couldn’t do anything else about it.
I made
the decision to have Dale and Vinny inform the parents of the two parties
involved in the crime. I then went into my office with John following me in,
and we began our investigation. The crazy thing is, I’ve been the town sheriff
for over 15 years, and never before have I seen a double-homicide, it was all
new to me. I honestly was scared of the outcome.
Vinny
and Dale were out for most of the day, coming back around 5pm. They returned
with more information about the victims and where we could begin a background
investigation. I called it a day around 7:30pm, mainly because I was late to
dinner and wouldn’t hear the end of it from Brenda.
The crazy
thing is, I’ve been the town sheriff for over 15 years, and never before have I
seen a double-homicide, it was all new to me. This troubled me, and I’m
honestly scared of what the outcome to this heinous crime will be.
Lando
12 comments:
Jackson, this was a very enticing piece to read. It was well written and it was easy to follow the protagonist around and understand things from his point of view. You introduced the scene very fluently as well. Good job!
This is such an interesting story, it is filled with great imagery that I could picture the setting in my head quite clearly. This is a very gruesome story yet it is so interesting because of the plot. I wish we were able to see who committed this crime, but overall what an interesting story!
- Ivan Mejia (Per.5)
This was just like the beginning of a true crime TV show and I loved it! The descriptions of the crime scene and the full names of the characters adds a much more personal element to the story and it makes it feel much more real. Good job!
Jackson, I was so interested in your blog post from the beginning! The whole time I couldn't wait to find out what happened in the end. I'm so surprised at the ending also, I definitely did not expect that. Greats job!
I kinda want the rest of the story to be developed! Your imagery and precise details about the crime scene investigation drew me deeper into your story and had me hooked! Another detail that I appreciated was how you gave each character a name and didn't simply refer to them as a "deputy" in order to further the plot. I think it would be really interesting if you continued to further the plot and continue to build this world. Awesome job!
The piece was developed well, and felt like a typical cop movie centered around the 60s. I enjoyed it thoroughly, but something that would be quite interesting would be having a strong twist at the end, such as having it someone you know. Regardless, great job!
This was quite an interesting story! I especially liked the mention of the children being anything but innocent; it is a diversion from the typical innocent victim seen in many shows and results in a more complex plot line. Great job!
Great job! This piece is full of mystery and it really caught my attention. Right after I read the first paragraph of your piece, I already wanted to read more of it because of the amazing hook you have used to attract the audience to the story. The plot line is like a TV show, so you would be an amazing screenwriter!
-Xiaoqing Zhong P.4
Great job! The beginning of your piece immediately caught my attention because of the amazing hook you have used in your writing. Your descriptions and details vividly displayed this story in my head. You should consider being a screenwriter!
-Xiaoqing Zhong P.4
Nice job! I liked how you started off the story with a mundane plot, and led into the suspense. I also liked how detailed the story was, especially describing the crime scene. Also, how you concluded the story with the protagonist worrying about making it in time for dinner, showing that he too is human. Great job!
Wow this was simply great and very enticing. It gave so much detail but yet had me questioning everything. It was a mystery that I loved, you are a phenomenal writer! -Sofia Canseco
Jackson,
Your story was so captivating! I think you used humor in such a subtle way and I found it really interesting. You used imagery to describe things that seemed mundane, which really benefited the story overall. I think the repetition at the end of the story was really interesting, and I can't help- wondering what would happen in a future installment of this story. You conveyed so much in such a small piece of writing. I think you did an amazing job!
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