I have been here for six days. No one here has ever made it past seven days. At least that is what they told me as they tied the weights to my legs. I do not know who I am or how I got here if I am being honest. The last thing that I can truly remember is waking up to a blinding light. A blinding light followed by the sound of a door closing. Then the weights. Oh, these miserable, miserable weights that are tied around my ankle. I am unable to move any longer. Every now and then I would be able to move with these weights. But not any longer. Not on the sixth day of this horrible experiment. All I can do is lay here. Lay here and stare at the glass of water that will set me free. When they tied these weights to my ankles they placed a glass of water on a white pedestal. A white pedestal, in a white room. A white pedestal with a glass of water on it. A glass of something that I have not had in six days. I am dying of thirst. I am sure that everyone else died of thirst too. Those skeletons are probably people who died of thirst. White bones, in a white room, with a white pedestal with a glass of water on top of it. And all I can do is lay here. I can't even cry at this point. I have no water left inside me. No tears would come even if I wanted them to. I wish they would come. I could drink them. Sweet, sweet water. But alas. I will die here. I will die here just like everyone who had to endure this before me. The nameless person who made it to seven days. I feel sorry for that person. Seven days in here. Seven days in a white room. Filled with white bones. With a white pedestal with a glass of water on top of it. A glass of water that sits merely a few feet outside my grasp. A glass of water that I am sure sat just merely a few feet from most people's grasps. But all those people, just like I, end up as skeletons. I can see their bones. All the white bones. And I am scared. I do not want to die. But I fear it is inevitable. I will become a skeleton and the next person with these miserable, miserable weights tied to their ankles. They will lay here looking at my white bones, in this white room, with a white pedestal with a glass of water on the top. The glass of water that they were told if they could retrieve, they would be set free. I wish for that water now for so many reasons. I don’t want to die. I want that glass of water. I want to leave this miserable room. With its miserable white walls. I want to go anywhere else. And yet I can not leave. No matter how much I want to. I will die here. And that is that. I close my eyes. And as I close them, I see the most joyous thing I have ever seen. A room made not of white but rather of black. And as I slip further into the black room I feel nothing. I am at peace.
Find the shape and tell it!
Monday, November 26, 2018
"The Water Experiment " by Braden B
I have been here for six days. No one here has ever made it past seven days. At least that is what they told me as they tied the weights to my legs. I do not know who I am or how I got here if I am being honest. The last thing that I can truly remember is waking up to a blinding light. A blinding light followed by the sound of a door closing. Then the weights. Oh, these miserable, miserable weights that are tied around my ankle. I am unable to move any longer. Every now and then I would be able to move with these weights. But not any longer. Not on the sixth day of this horrible experiment. All I can do is lay here. Lay here and stare at the glass of water that will set me free. When they tied these weights to my ankles they placed a glass of water on a white pedestal. A white pedestal, in a white room. A white pedestal with a glass of water on it. A glass of something that I have not had in six days. I am dying of thirst. I am sure that everyone else died of thirst too. Those skeletons are probably people who died of thirst. White bones, in a white room, with a white pedestal with a glass of water on top of it. And all I can do is lay here. I can't even cry at this point. I have no water left inside me. No tears would come even if I wanted them to. I wish they would come. I could drink them. Sweet, sweet water. But alas. I will die here. I will die here just like everyone who had to endure this before me. The nameless person who made it to seven days. I feel sorry for that person. Seven days in here. Seven days in a white room. Filled with white bones. With a white pedestal with a glass of water on top of it. A glass of water that sits merely a few feet outside my grasp. A glass of water that I am sure sat just merely a few feet from most people's grasps. But all those people, just like I, end up as skeletons. I can see their bones. All the white bones. And I am scared. I do not want to die. But I fear it is inevitable. I will become a skeleton and the next person with these miserable, miserable weights tied to their ankles. They will lay here looking at my white bones, in this white room, with a white pedestal with a glass of water on the top. The glass of water that they were told if they could retrieve, they would be set free. I wish for that water now for so many reasons. I don’t want to die. I want that glass of water. I want to leave this miserable room. With its miserable white walls. I want to go anywhere else. And yet I can not leave. No matter how much I want to. I will die here. And that is that. I close my eyes. And as I close them, I see the most joyous thing I have ever seen. A room made not of white but rather of black. And as I slip further into the black room I feel nothing. I am at peace.
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23 comments:
I love this short story, it is amazing. The story is very intense and has an eerie tone to it. I like how you use a lot of repetition, especially during descriptions of the room, to show how the speaker feels and the imagery makes me feel like I’m in the room with them.
Jacob Lopez 11/28/18 9:43
This story definitely took me by suprise. The contrast between white and black through the use of symbolism is something that I found to be intriguing. White instead of being peace being misery that is life and blackness being the peace of sleep. It's quite interesting as this can connect to a lot of experiences that those have with daily struggles. While it may have been pretty dark I believe that this is what makes this story unique. Thank you for the read.
This was a very ominous story. There were lots of questions that were raised in my head mostly dealing with the origins of this seemingly morbid experiment. The obscurity of the entire situation held my interest the whole time. Additionally, I enjoyed the conclusion of the story and your use of a euphemism.
I wasn't expecting to read a story like this on the blog. The first-person point of view was a nice change of pace and I think it worked really well with the high stakes of the story because of the intimate aspects of it. The black and white contrasts were a nice addition as well.
This story was very mystifying to how it was written. As I was reading I was constantly wondering what would happen and what I predicted in my head was different than what happen in the story. Also I liked how you used the repetitiveness of the main characters thinking to convey the scenery, in which was pretty cool. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the story. (Nathaniel Landeros) 12/4/2018 9:54
WOW just WOW. Braden, your fictional story kept me on my toes. I can't believe that your story about water made me want to drink water. The imagery that you allowed the readers to see lets them feel as if they are right there with the main character. Great job!!
This story took me by surprise and I mean that in a good way. It kept me on my toes throughout the whole story, also made me have a different mindset. Thank you for making me feel thirsty while reading it, but honestly it was a great story.
Braden, this piece is absolutely amazing. The vivid use of imagery throughout the piece introduces a new level of integration into the story. I was able to imagine each and every single move you describe in the story. I also thought the repetition of the "glass water" was a great touch to the imagery and progression of the story. Great job!
I love the ominous tone in this story along with the imagery of white walls within a white room. I love the contrast of things being colored white have a "holy" aspect to them but in your story they were the exact opposite. The same goes for the black room showing the only thing the speaker sought for was something other than white,contrasting the idea of black rooms having an eerie negative tone towards them.- Nathan Brown
I absolutely love the dramatic suspense that you added to this story. The imagery and alliterations made me feel as if I was in the white room going through this myself. Your words came to life and I felt as if I was living them. The tone and attitude of your piece are unique and mysterious and I wanted it to be longer! Great job of using literary elements and devices to give your writing depth and a purpose.
The story with the repetition gives it a creepy feeling with is made to help sink in with the reader. The more I read this story the more it became a prison that I was also stuck in. The use of the first person made me wonder is the person still alive after the story ended, Did they get the water they wanted. Great story all around was a joy to read.- Sezar Guitron
What a story! I for one will always remember to drink the water that I have access to everyday. I love the simple setting of a single room that could cause so much pain and suffering that goes along with the simple plot. The details used to show that the speaker will finally be at peace was well made. This was a great peace to read!
-Jacob Ramirez
The manner in which you described your thirst was exceptional and really allowed me to further understand the speaker's point of view. Your use of vocabulary and diction also compliments this purpose within your work. I also really appreciate the fact that you didn't describe the setting too thoroughly, but I was still able to imagine it.
I love your story Braden! The imagery you used is great, it made me feel as if I was a part of the story. I like how you contrasted the symbols of light and dark. Although your story had a very morbid and dark tone, you constantly used white images. But as soon as the character died it went dark.
-Kailee Hinds
This was very interesting to say the least. I really enjoyed it, I thought it was very creative and well written. The ending was my favorite part because I was expecting him to get the water, he didn't but it was still satisfying.
-Mackenzie Tipple
Braden, this piece is absolutely unlike you, which is what I think makes it THAT much more interesting. The continuous use of repetition in your description of the white room and the circumstances that you're facing really makes the story. The contrast of the white room of survival to the black feeling of the piece really shows the biggest contrast between the two.
This story just keeps me wondering. Why is this an experiment? Are all those just fakes? WHO IS DOING THIS??? Wonderful story!
Your story definitely felt morbid and somber where as you portrayed death as something sweet and relieving. You were able to constantly maintain such a tone and really ensnare the attention of many readers. Overall it was an entertaining story.
The use of first person point of view made the impact of story to be really chilling. As I place myself in the narrator's shoes. The only thing that I felt throughout reading this short story, is inescapable, unignorable, intense, thirst. The feeling that this story produced is dreadful as I can just imagine the pain and suffering that our narrator has to sustain while being tortured and tormented by the glass of water that fills his vision. Thank you for the creepy and chilling read. - Ryan Kang
Brayden, this is wonderful. I really like how you captivated the intensity of the situation and how important it was for you to survive. Not only that, but you also showed you eventually died by slipping into a black room which I liked. In the end, you did attain peace which made you escape from all of the ongoing chaos. (Mayur Chhitu, Per. 6)
Super intense story, you kept a great sense of tension and unease going throughout and then a bittersweet ending!
- Luis Matute
This was an amazing work of literature the intensity that you were able to create by the anonymity of not knowing who was in the white room and the white bones lying all around the narrator
-Johnny Gitau
Your story is very moving. It gave the feel of a horror movie, or a social experiment got wrong. If you expanded this, this would by a prime creepypasta. Still having chills!
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