I knew I had it when I could feel my heart beating and thumping and crashing in my chest harder
than ever before. My stomach was turning and flipping and I could barely breathe. My eyes couldn't focus on anything else than what I could see right now. My face got hot and I felt like I was burning up. I had felt a feeling like this before but never once had it been this strong. I didn't know what to do. Was there a cure for this disease or would I be stuck like this forever? After a few days of agony I did the only thing I could think of, I contacted an old friend. All they could do was laugh at my current state but eventually they did offer a bit of useful advice and I was determined to follow it. I clutched my phone in my hand, my heart beat was the only sound I could hear and it felt as if my throat had closed. I was going to do it, I had to. My hands were shaking but I managed to do what I needed to do. I took a deep breath and typed out a message it read “Hi your friend told me I should talk to you so hi!” It was sent, there was no going back now. I messed up so bad, what kind of an idiot sends a message like that? But wait, my phone vibrated I got a message. They said hi back! My hope was back and I sent another message. Message after message we became closer and and my heart beat slowed and I regained control of my breathing and when we finally talked in person the planets aligned and peace finally came to me. I found a cure for my disease, a disease called love. And she was my cure.
33 comments:
Madison, I love the way you held the suspense through the writing and eventually showed the resolution at the end. The details made the story come alive. Great job. -Paul Aureus
Oh my goodness! This is my favorite piece so far. The uneasiness that comes when first liking someone is very relatable. The ending where it says ¨And she was my cure.¨ gave me goosebumps.
-Grecia Sepulveda
I can totally relate to this poem as I also know what's it like to fall in love... With fictional characters. Joking aside, I can definitely feel the emotion you had with your crush as you become nervous when you thought about her.
This was such a good piece. I really enjoyed the build up and the tension you created that was relieved at the end knowing everything went well. Great Job!
This was super short but still packed full of vivid imagery and emotion. It was great to see a mini plot line with a climax and a resolution at the end.
Wow! I think most people know exactly what you were going through and the way you used details really added to the suspense and anxiety. You really nailed what it feels like and I absolutely love the ending of this piece. great work!
This was so cute and sweet! Very nostalgic to those little crushes you have.
-Alyssa Nelson
The way you portrayed as a sort of wonderfully unsettling kind of feeling is honestly the most relatable portrayal i've seen. Its a feeling i think most people can sympathize with, whether in romantic or platonic love. This was really amazing, good job!
Wow this piece was so intriguing and so suspenseful, the way that you kept your readers interested throughout the entire piece and the ending was very unexpected. The way you talked about the feeling of falling in love was lovely and pleasant to read.
this is such a good piece! i love the way you described love and this is definitely a feeling a lot of people can relate to. the imagery of this story is so unreal, you did an amazing job
I really appreciate you sharing your story of your "disease". I really liked your use of imagery of your throat closing and the heat in your face. I am really glad you could conjure up the courage to approach her and are now happy.
Great job Maddy! The story really embedded the characteristics of an actual disease, through your use of detail and imagery. It was a poem that really exemplified and described a feeling that, for some, is truly unexplainable.
Great job Madison, Love the effort you put into your piece. Definitely had me with the suspense, I wish you would've made it longer.
My favorite part about this piece is the how much I can relate to it. The extreme emotion expressed by the main character, like the nervousness, is completely understandable and I felt like I have been in the same situation as the main character. Good Job!
Maddy reading this was really intriguing and enduring. I loved how you wrote about a love story, it made it really easy to relate to. Good job!!!
Good job writing your short story! It was nice and simple, also nice job adding suspense to the story by not mentioning the actual topic until the middle towards the end of the poem. Great job also with your word choices, such as "I found a cure for my disease, a disease called love. And she was my cure.", adds cheesiness to the poem and also acts as evidence of your feelings.
Madison, I like the way you were able to express the way you felt when you texted someone you liked. It’s like the nervousness just rushes in not knowing what could possibly happen next after contacting them but it’s what a lot of people feel. Great job with the details you provided as it was like a roller coaster where you start off a bit nervous on what could happen next but when you get to the end of the ride, you notice you can finally relax and leave the worries behind.
I think everyone has been in this state of being anxious about someone they find attractive. I admire the development of this character and how they found a solution to their internal struggle. Good job!
Ahh, all to real for me, but none the less you were able to perfectly express your feelings in the writing that i believed that I was you. I love how you used common emotions that one feels when doing that, but the way that you delivered them felt as though they were a new feeling. Good Job!!! -Joshua Perez
Madison, this is a short, yet very relatable, piece that many people who have felt a sharp infatuation for a special someone have experienced. The anxiety and shock that comes with the sudden realization that you've fallen for them is something that happens unexpectedly but hits you with full force. The uncertainty and general uneasiness that comes with your first communication with that person after the realization is one that I know I've felt in the past once as well. Overall, you've done an amazing job of capturing these feelings and putting them into words.
-Lance Anthony Aquino
AHHH!!! I absolutely love this piece and how you executed the resolution at the end so perfectly. I also admire your voice in writing and the hypotheticals that drew me in sentence after sentence. Thank you for sharing!
-Jennifer Flores
Madison, this piece was absolutely precious! Of course, most of us can relate to the butterflies in our stomachs and the uncertainty associated with liking someone, it's not all that fun of an experience sometimes. But, the way you captured that feeling was amazing, especially with comparing the solution with the alignment of the planets, it's so romantic and well-thought out. I loved it!
Oh man, now isn't this relatable... This really is a well written examination of the emotions that come when feeling these sort of things for someone, and the name reveal of the said disease at the end as well as the cure only makes this piece that much more satisfying.
-Ethan Ford
I really enjoyed the anticipation and the emotion while reading this piece. It was adorable and I felt as if I was reading a cute rom/com! This was a great piece, good job! -Ella Macaraig
Wowzers! The building anticipation, the sense of self- defeating doubt, and the heart-melting relief at the end. This short but meaningful story can make any smile genuine, good read.
Madison, you really caught my attention within the first sentence. I really appreciate how you were able to explain the emotions and feelings of having a crush since most people tend to not want to talk about it since it can make them uncomfortable. I admire the fact that you were able to clearly experience all of your emotions in fiv to talk about it since we can make them uncomfortable. I admire the fact that you were able to clearly experience all of your emotions clearly in order for the reader to really understand what you were feeling at that moment of time. I also really like the fact that you ended the story with a good resolution which can encourage other readers as well. Thank you for sharing this. <3
Madison, you really caught my attention within the first sentence. I really appreciate how you were able to explain the emotions and feelings of having a crush since most people tend to not want to talk about it since it can make them uncomfortable. I admire the fact that you were able to clearly experience all of your emotions in fiv to talk about it since we can make them uncomfortable. I admire the fact that you were able to clearly experience all of your emotions clearly in order for the reader to really understand what you were feeling at that moment of time. I also really like the fact that you ended the story with a good resolution which can encourage other readers as well. Thank you for sharing this. <3
Wow! I am amazed at the way you display your sense of suspense and uncertainty before the message was sent! The use of imagery allowed me to really feel the tension that was surrounding you at the time, and I felt like I was right next to you because your descriptions are very strong and vivid. The sentence "I found a cure for my disease, a disease called love." melted my heart with the metaphor of love as a disease. I hope I can find find the cure to my disease soon!
-Xiaoqing Zhong P4
WOW!! The suspense you gave us made me think oh no what ever happened might back fire. It just wanted me to read more and more. However, it was the opposite ending which was nice to see. I love some of the words you chose as well, it showed so much emotion.-john IV
Hi, I really enjoyed your story. I really liked how you made your story suspenseful! The details you put in this story and the emotion made feel as though I was truly experiencing this moment.
-Karen V.
this was such a great story. I really enjoyed everything about this story. Everything was so spot on and i'm sure a lot of people can relate to this and it was such a great ending. Good Job
This piece was super relatable and interesting to read. I really liked the details you used and how they perfectly describe how it feels to start liking someone. Great job!
Your story was relatable and gave a great amount of detail. I really enjoyed the way you kept the reader guessing whether or not they would text back. Good job!
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