In
a particular universe, the same but so different from ours, most stars died,
blooming as they lost light, their core getting colder and colder, turning into
stardust and nothingness. But some stars
fell. They fell with great intensity,
staining the darkness around them with their own unique and bright colors,
until they eventually landed, leaving blaze and destruction after them. It was
the only trace left of them.
One
star, beautiful and brighter than the rest, beaming at those who laid eyes upon
it when it was visible in the night sky, had fell. It's shine had not faded, gleaming and
glittering and never losing any of its past beauty. It had landed on this universe’s equivalent
of Earth, and the flames consumed the planet, burning so hot and intense that
no one had dared to even lay their eyes directly upon it for fear of being
blinded.
Centuries
after the incident of the fallen star, a floating city was built overlooking
the lost planet that was still burning.
A young boy, with wide eyes desperately taking everything it could reach
and a jaw permanently dropped with awe and curiosity, lived at the edge of this
floating city. Every night, after
working, the boy would climb atop the short wall separating his home and the
edge of the city, looking down with an insatiable inquisitiveness, dying to
know what life was like down below, as the planet was permanently covered by
what appeared to be thick, dark clouds. His sister always pulled him back and
yelled at him whenever she caught him trying to climb the wall, saying that it
was forbidden. He didn’t understand; how dangerous could it possibly be?
So
for years the boy had planned out his grand adventure. A slightly torn satchel full of essential
items, such as his favorite yet worn-out doll that just had to come see the unknown with him with its one button eye; a
small, used sketchpad with a few pages left along with a few colored pencils so
he could draw what he saw and show them proudly to his sister; and a cozy but
ragged blanket to sleep in during the cold nights during his trip. All were
stored quietly in the corner of his room, waiting patiently for the day it
would finally be used. He saved up diligently for the highest quality, 75 cent
journal so he could keep track of all his adventures in a neat place.
A
few months later, in the middle of a dark night that was illuminated solely by
the stars, the boy gathered his satchel, stuffing his newly bought journal
inside of it, and hastily put it on. He
climbed up his backyard wall as he always did, and looked down with curiosity
as he always did. However, this time, he
was filled with excitement that ran up and down his body and a thirst for
adventure. His smile was brighter than
all the stars in the night sky.
Then
with that same bright smile, he fell.
27 comments:
When I was reading this I could definitely see your usage of symbolism, I feel like your method of doing so made the story more unique and entertaining. Great job!
I enjoyed the ambiguity of the piece and its invitation to draw conclusions about its true meaning. The imagery used to set the scene was phenomenal, however, the transition between this vivid detail and pure narrative could have been a bit smoother so that the shift in diction is not so intense for the reader. Once adjusted, the story continued to be wonderfully crafted and well thought-out. Fantastic job!
You really did a good job with the overall mood of this story. The tone from the beginning imagery conveyed a sense of awe and wonder that was carried over nicely to set the story for the boy's part in it all. Even the descriptions of the boy's habits and preparations managed to paint a pleasing image, as you nicely did with the stars. Loved it!
This piece has a very abstract but visually captivating setting, which I found it very easy to appreciate with the imagery you used in the intiial paragraphs. I believe where you succeed most is in channeling the vagueness of a plot into a very allusory description of events that imply a story that is expansive in depth. The ending suits the uncertainty surrounding the piece very well, as there is a multitude of interpretations to be made, whether grim or positive. Overall a very entertaining piece.
I certainly enjoyed this piece for a personal interest in the topic of stars and the imaginative writer's twist. Your imagery was so strong as needed when talking about flaming gases among endless dark matter. The mood of the boy and sense of humanity was present also. Well job!
This is extremely well written with such vivid imagery of the stars and the floating city, it feels like this could be a movie, I felt like I was there. This is a very imaginative and creative piece and I especially liked the way you ended the story. Well done.
Good Job with the use of imagery to describe the effect of a fallen star and I like how the boy is determined to figure out what is on the other side of the wall. Great Job!
I like how this story left the room for interpretation very wide and let the reader decide on what the ending truly was. The way you connected the boy with the fallen star was very interesting as well, showing how they ended up with the same fate in the end.
I really enjoyed your piece! I thought you were going to relate how the universe turned dark to society in a whole but instead you focused it on the boy. I love your use of imagery as well as how you skipped time and went to him starting his adventure. Good job!
I loved your use of imagery in this piece it is very colorful and impactful. Considering almost everything I read is in the form of comicbooks, you did really well in painting a clear and focused image of a complex universe in the eyes of one boy.
Wow, the imagery of space and time really made me enjoy reading your story. The thought provoking use of space makes the reader feel as though they are in a vast and consuming environment that can constantly change. The boy also brings the human element and how space captivates us as a whole as it brings mystery and wonder. Great Job!
Great Job Mia, I loved this story. Your use of imagery showed how unique and well thought out your piece is. I really enjoyed reading this, this is very creative. Thank you for sharing!!
What a cute idea, curious little boy filled with wanderlust and excitement, ready to go finally, finally see that pretty star up close that he can't stop thinking and yearning about, packs up his things, determined to go take a look for himself, only for him to take a long walk off a short wall, probably didn't make it back home either. Takes curiosity killed the cat to a very interesting and creatively woven level. The piece was short and satisfying. I don't know if curiosity really killed the cat or if there was a happy ending where young boy journeys back home, but I enjoyed it either way. Its always fun leaving the readers guessing.
That was wonderfully written Mia. It was very captivating and the imagery that was used was really good too. I was really able to see everything that was going on. You did a really great job!:)
The imagery that you used was very vibrant and really captivated my attention. The uncertainty that you used while writing the piece really gave it a mysterious feel which I enjoyed. Overall, it was great and I really want to know what happened after he jumped off.
This story was very well done as the description and diction made the story very interesting. The story had me drawn in through my own curiosity to how the story would turn out. The use of imagery combined with the ending are what really caught my attention. Good job!
This story is was very well written and showed a lot of vivid imagery when talking about the fallen star and the floating city. What I really like about it is that it's a unique piece and it draws in the readers attention. Great work!
This was beautifully written! It captured the young boy's curiosity of the burning planet, and his plan was so detailed. I loved how the concept was abstract; I was not only drawn in by your title, but I was hanging on every word not wanting it to end. You did a fantastic job!
The ambiguity of this piece is amazing the tone and imagery used created this feeling of awe and really helped bring the story together. The story flowed well and was easy to follow. Thanks for sharing.
I love this story due to the way it captures lust, curiosity and a young spirit. You ended the story on a perfect note, leaving the audience wondering what happened to the boy. Your use of words and details made the story all the more interesting. I really enjoyed it :))
Great Job, Mia! You developed such a unique concept into an alluring story that makes the reader crave for more. The piece is broken up into smaller paragraphs that each have effective transitions in revealing more to the story. The vivid detail and tone used to set up the story to the point where the boy decides to fall is perfect for allowing the readers to interpret what comes next.
This story has a great plot development and storyline with adequate backround information. This tells me that one day those who are creative, curious, and take risk will acheive great things in life, and at the same time it is also a very entertaining story.
The story itself is ambiguous and it makes the reader tune into every word and every meaning behind each word to interpret the true meaning. I loved how you mixed concepts of an extraterrestrial world and the human curiosity to explore those world.
Mia, your style of writing is so eloquent and descriptive. I enjoyed this piece so much because of how you were able to capture the audience in your use of figurative language, especially through imagery. The introduction of the story sets the tone for the entire story with adventure and mystery, then finally ending with an even more mysterious and open ended tone to further the ambiguity set up in the plot. The twist at the end, not only situational, but style-wise to not include further detail feeds the tone to a greater extent. Awesome job!
The story was really interesting and good. There was a lot of detail on the how the stars shine and die that I could visualize it. I liked the parallelism of the fallen star with the boy who wants to explore the outside world. I would really like to know what happens to the boy after he falls.
Wow, this piece was amazing. What I really enjoyed was how you could just feel the boy's excitement and thirst for adventure. The way you made a parallel between the beauty of the fallen star and the boy's fall from the flying castle really struck me as amazing and fascinating. This piece really left me wanting more.
This piece was astounding! I enjoyed how you set up the scene of the floating city by telling the tales of the falling stars. I enjoy how you let the reader decide for themselves what could be happening, and the ending left the readers on the edge of their seats wondering what happened. I'd like to think instead of him just dying, he began to soar and his adventure was just beginning. Truly Loved this piece!
-Kynoa V
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