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Checking
the mail is a normal thing that we do every day and as teenagers don't think
much of it considering our parents pay for almost everything. So as we sort
through the bills and junk mail searching for a piece of mail that might just
be for me. If there is something, it's normally just a coupon for a store or
something unimportant. Today is different though as an envelope catches my eye
it’s sent to my grandma and it’s from my mom. Also just an important statement at
the moment my mom is in Chicago visiting my aunt who recently moved out there
and I'm staying with my grandparents, but why wouldn't she just text us or call
if it was this important that she sent a letter? Wanting to open it but then
realize that since it's not sent to me then obviously I shouldn't open it but
my curiosity takes over and I find myself opening the envelope and as I'm about
to take out the letter it's snatched out of my hand. As I looked up to see who
it is I see it’s my grandma. As she starts reading the letter she looks up at
me and in her eyes I see sadness and a hint of confusion. She hands me the
letter and as i’m reading it I can feel the tears in my eyes threatening to
fall any second now, And the only thing that is running through my head is why
didn't she tell me before.
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Find the shape and tell it!
Monday, February 22, 2016
“The Letter Not in My Name” By Audriana Y
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50 comments:
This maybe short but you built so much suspense i enjoyed it so much, I just now have so many questions regaurding what happens next.GREAT short story!
Ashley Garcia
per.4
The suspense is amazing and you've made great use of the cliff hanger. Although I must say that I'm now slightly angry because I want to know what the letter said.
I love the idea this story has behind it. There are multiple run on sentences, and although I see where this is headed this short flash fiction seems to end a few sentences short. This leaves a very open-ended subject matter, almost not able to keep the readers attention. Make a few revisions and this piece has alot of potential!
Jordyn France
Per 3
AP English
Cogswell
I love the idea this story has behind it. There are multiple run on sentences, and although I see where this is headed this short flash fiction seems to end a few sentences short. This leaves a very open-ended subject matter, almost not able to keep the readers attention. Make a few revisions and this piece has alot of potential!
Jordyn France
Per 3
AP English
Cogswell
You left me in awe and i really want to know what the letter said! How bad could it have been? I was expecting a shocking ending but what o got was a cliff hanger which honestly isnt even a bad thing, my mind is so open to all the possibilites to what was in that darn letter but thats the power of imagination. As a reader i can make my own inferences as to what happened which is great. I loved all the suspense you incorporated in your short story. Overall good piece!
-Alicia Alcaraz
Cogswell Period 5
Oh my gosh I really hope that this story isn't true in any way to your life because all I can think about are the million possible bad things that could of happened to the writers mom! I think that the writing could use a little bit more improvement on technical aspects such as commas and fixing run on sentences.but don't worry because I am absolutely horrible when it comes to grammar and sentence structure. Overall I love your idea and and your decision to not let the audience know whats written in the letter.
Oh my gosh I really hope that this story isn't true in any way to your life because all I can think about are the million possible bad things that could of happened to the writers mom! I think that the writing could use a little bit more improvement on technical aspects such as commas and fixing run on sentences.but don't worry because I am absolutely horrible when it comes to grammar and sentence structure. Overall I love your idea and and your decision to not let the audience know whats written in the letter.
WHAT HAPPENED!!! What did the letter say!!!!! You must write another story! There has to be more to it than that. Really liked The story.
-Michael Retana P.5
-Michael Retana P.1
Audriana, you did a great job building so much suspense in such little time. However, YOU CAN NOT LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT!! Overall though..Good job and keep up the good work!
p.s Please write a sequel
I'm on the same page ad Michael. I love the progression of anticipation you have throughout the story, but now I need to know what the letter said because my mind is going through all the bad possibilities of why you would possibly send a letter instead of a text or just simply call.
I'm on the same page ad Michael. I love the progression of anticipation you have throughout the story, but now I need to know what the letter said because my mind is going through all the bad possibilities of why you would possibly send a letter instead of a text or just simply call.
The suspense of this piece lasts even after I've finished reading it. You've left me wanting to know even more. The way you give the mood of a panicked mind and suspense was a really good addition to this piece.
I loved how you wrote this story to have a cliffhanger. I really wanted to know what was in the letter! I liked how you added the question of why the mother sent a letter instead of a text or just call. It really made the story more interesting. Good job!
Valarie Ly
Period 1
This story has so much suspense! I love how you ended it on a cliffhanger because it lets the reader make up their own assumptions and some may even come up with their own alternate ending. My only criticism is that I wish the story was a bit longer so that you could develop the plot more. Everything seemed to happen very fast, but with a longer plot, you would have had even more room to build even more suspense. It also would've been nice to have more details about the setting, characters, etc. These aspects would've made the story so eerie! :) Nonetheless, great job!
You do a really good job on building up the story! The suspense it isnt just thrown in there but thought out! Good Job on making the story exciting to read untilol the very end!
Karina Blocker
Period 4
I especially enjoyed the level of suspense you included in this story. Not only that, but you planned out the suspense very well. You also made the story exciting and enjoyable. Keep writing!
Nice suspense story! This story is really unique with the letter opening. Great Story!
Ricky Martin
Per.4
That was an awesome story. Nice cliff hanger. I have one question WHAT DOES THE LETTER SAY?
MIKAYLA SEALS
Per.4
short but good story i like the whole concept of this the message to me is dont open mail that isnt yours
- Eric Edwards
Wow this is a really great story. It was so well written and very entertaining. Now I really want to know what is in that letter. Great job with this writing piece!
Period 3
JC Bagro
I enjoyed the cliff hanger at the end. It left me in suspense. Although, I really want to know what's in that letter! Great job!
-Per.1
Victoria Ervin
This story is very good and nerve racking. Good imagery and connecting to teens like me. I really want to know whats in the letter.
Alejandro Martinez
p. 1
I really enjoyed the cliffhanger at the end makes me want to keep reading. Great job!
-Jazmine Hernandez
-Period 4
Despite the length of your story it was filled with suspense and great use of imagery. Your story really can connect with teens because we always find things out that we aren't supposed to, and this story leaves us all wondering what was in the letter. You were able to incorporate various devices to make the story, very interesting in only a few words. Very well written!
P.2
that storyline. it may be short but it really caught my attention. the cliff hanger at the end.. wow! amazing story!
This story was very suspenseful. Regardless of its length I believed it to be a great piece. Good job. :D -Deven Kiphen Pd.2
I enjoyed your short story and love the cliffhanger. So this means I expect to see another story from you. Please keep doing what you do and strive to be the best.
I thought overall it was an amazing story for a story that was kinda small. I felt this energy from the story but I would love to know what did the letter say.
Melodie B Period 1
That was a very good suspenseful story. I got startled while reading this when you were opening and taking the letter out. I was not expecting your grandma to come out of nowhere and snatch the envelope away. I wish that the story was longer because it was that good. Besides that, I love how you ended it. It made me think of all the outcomes that could have happened next and what the letter had possibly said. It made myself and other readers to be imaginative. Great job!
Jessie Santos
Period 1
Even though i wanted to see what was in the envelope and i dint this was a great short story.
logan donoho
per 1
I really liked it , even though it was really short. I loved the suspense it created , I really wanted to know what the letter said and was mad that you ended it so fast . It was a great concept and very well written . Great job!!
When I first read the title i thought about an actual letter that is not in your name, meaning that there is a letter in your name that doesn't belong in your name. As i started to read it, it blew my mind! You created such suspense that i couldn't take my eyes off the screen! Once it got to the end i was like "WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT??" i did want to know what the letter said. It is a great story despite being so short! Amazing job!
You have created an intense sense of suspense and the cliff hanger at the end makes me kind of hungry for what is in the letter. I hope it's nothing too bad.
As everyone else said you did a great job of building suspense. Although I would have loved to know what the big secret was, anyways great job!
Mackenzie Tipple
per.4
This story was very suspenseful for being so short and it made me want to know what was gonna happen next. Keep writing and maybe make your next story a bit longer. :)
Leslie Rocha
Period 2
Like what everyone said this story was full of such suspense! It was great but honestly now I'm a little mad because I wanted to know what the letter said! But, overall amazing job.
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING MEEEEEEE I NEED TO KNOWWWWW!!!!!! it was a short but really really good story. if only it wasn't a cliffhanger ;-; *crying face* but i really enjoyed it!!
~Julianna Alvarado
period 1
Great job! I really enjoyed this story. It was full of suspense and the end had me waiting for more. I wish you would have made it longer but other than that it was a great story and I like how you ended it. Keep up the good work.
Great job! I really enjoyed this story. It was full of suspense and the end had me waiting for more. I wish you would have made it longer but other than that it was a great story and I like how you ended it. Keep up the good work.
Good story! This story was a very fun and simple read. You should definitely make a second part to this story because of the suspenseful cliffhanger you added at the very end.
Wow! This story was so good! I really wish you could've posted a part two the suspense is killing me, Im so eager to learn more about this story. Great job!
Adriana! What does the email say?!
You really did an excellent job of escalating the suspense in the story. In addition to the story, I thought the title was very interesting. At first I figured it was related to the idea of a literal letter not being in someone's name, maybe some type of identit crisis or something, but the fact that it meant a letter not address to you is more intriguing. I think we have all felt the enticement of opening mail that isn't addressed to us and I think your story did a great job of telling that same internal conflict.
Awww, I wanted to know what happened at the end of the piece. The cliff hanger was used effectively and the suspense of the piece was phenomenal. Although the story could have been a bit longer to add to the suspense of it, the pice was still good. Good job!
Rodrick Hill
Period 2
Wow! So short yet so suspenseful! You did an excellent job at catching my attention straight from the beginning and had me engaged immediately as I quickly began to wonder what could be in the mail that was so important! Your writing skills and creativity are incredible and I encourage you to continue writing (especially so you can tell us what was in that letter!) Awesome job!
I wish this was longer but even with it being short it was super suspenseful! It got right to the point and was actually a very interesting story. Keep writing and nice job!
-Legend Holman p.3
I agree with Ashley. It was short but you did build a lot of suspense. It's pretty hard to do that but you did it. Good job. But man, try and finish that story some time!
Although a short story, it is so intense and emotional. Leaving it on a cliff hanger like that made for such an interesting story, leaving readers with the questions of what happened.
The story is a really great start to something greater. It could use more development in the plot, more detail, and a better flow. I like how you made it relatable in the beginning and then put a twist to the end of it and left us with a cliff hanger wondering what was said in the letter.
This was packed full of suspense own such a short story. I liked how it leaves you wondering what the letter was about.
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