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Thursday, January 28, 2016

"The Hunting Trip" By Jace A

      A few years ago there was an old man who went out hunting all alone. He was in the woods with an old browning bolt action rifle. This rifle was very special to him because it had been passed down from his great grandfather. he was excited to be able to go on a hunting trip for the first time in many years. He was sitting up on a rock cliff gazing over some trees looking for bears. He wasn't successful. For many hours he sat waiting and then he saw movement in the distance. He raised his rifle and saw a huge black bear walking towards him about 75 yards away. He squeezed the trigger, took a breath, and fired. Instantly, the bear ran away. In frustration, he fired a few shots in a random direction. He heard screaming so he got down from the cliff and started running towards the commotion. The screaming stopped. He looked around and found a little, yellow bird that whose chirp sounded like someone screaming. Now he is lost deep in the woods and trying to find his way back. The sun is setting and he has given up. He sits down and rests until morning. He is awakened to find himself surrounded by bears. He slips a round in the chamber of his gun and fires. The bears quickly run away. Now frightened, he gets his stuff and runs. He is lost, so far away, that it would be impossible for someone to find him. He is weak and hallucinating. He staggers towards a cliff and falls. He breaks his leg and can't walk, so he crawls and makes his way to what he thinks is water. When he gets to the water, he finds a cabin. He yells for help and crawls towards it and two people rush out and bring him in. They give him water and food. Looking around, he notices that there is a ton of hunting supplies and he asks why. They tell them that they like to hunt but there is at least 4 or 5 of everything that people would normally need to go hunt with. It doesn’t make sense. He asks how many other people live out here. Three, including you. The man replied, “What?” and one person pulled out a knife and chased him. He fell over and the person jumped on him. He fought back then all of sudden he woke up in his bed at home. He had a nightmare about his upcoming hunting trip. He went downstairs to get a drink of water and turn on the news. While flipping through the channels, something caught his attention. He saw that there was 2 men that had killed a man out where he was going to go hunting the next day. As he got a closer look, he realized that they were the men from his dream. The next morning, he canceled his hunting trip decided to wait until next season.

44 comments:

elton said...

Hunting with you sounds like it wouldn't be dull. I might have to run for the entire time. If a bear chases me I'm shooting it. I will go out like that. I want to go out in a blaze of glory.It was best to not hunt with those men.

Anonymous said...

This was a very interesting story

audriana said...

at first I thought it was real I was thinking why would someone want to hunt for bears so sad and dangerous. If I were the man I wouldn't have rescheduled my hunting trip I would cancel it and not go ever.
-Audriana Youssef
-4th period

Anonymous said...

I like the plot twist at the end of it where he wakes up in his bed and then he goes down stares, turns on the tv and sees that the men in his dream are on the television being looked for.

Karina Blocker
Period 4

Anonymous said...

I honestly already knew that he was dreaming about it or it had to be something dream related but anyways you did a good job with this story.
Marco Garcia-Ordaz
Period 4

Anonymous said...

very interesting i like how the plot twist at the end and how the hunter knows something is up so he waits till next season good job
- Eric Edwards

caguilar said...

The details in this story was great. You did a really great job on flowing the story together. I liked the way you had the plot twist that his dream was a warning him of his trip. I wasn't expecting the part were he looked on tv and found a news story about two guys that were in his dream. great job
-calaya A.
period1

Anonymous said...

Im very impressed with your story and I thought it was cool how they were in his dream. -melodie baptiste period 1.

Emmanuel Wade said...

Great detail throughout the story that helps build up suspension only to find that it was a dream followed by another plot twist.

Anonymous said...

While reading the story I got a little confused but at the end of the story I started to understand. I like the plot twist. Its funny because when I was reading this it reminded me of my grandpa because he goes hunting and my grandpa has a bad eye and a bad knee so sometimes we worry about my grandpa when he goes hunting. So this was an amazing story.

MIKAYLA SEALS
Per. 4

Unknown said...

This story had my mind wondering what would happen next when the old man was approached by dangerous animals or suffered from starvation. I like how you described the effects of hallucinating such as the old man thinking there was water ahead of him instead of just a cabin. Good job!
Arianna Serna
Period 3

Unknown said...

I honestly didnt think that it would be a dream all along. And I also liked how you were explaining the hallucination the whole time, That was very good!!!

-Angelica Elliott
per.4

Unknown said...

This is really weird in a good way. I like how it turns into a mystery sort of thing. The twist at the end I what I really like. It surprised me and made me want more. The dream part had made me really freaked out and I like that twist.

Unknown said...

First of all, this was an excellent piece that was well composed. It was very interesting how mysterious this story is. I also enjoyed the twist that you included at the end. Overall, this was a great piece. Keep writing!

Unknown said...

First of all, this was an excellent piece that was well composed. It was very interesting how mysterious this story is. I also enjoyed the twist that you included at the end. Overall, this was a great piece. Keep writing!

Unknown said...

This is a great piece I especially love the plot twist and the way that he had a dream of what had happened. I love this story keep writing.

Unknown said...

Great Job! It's obvious that you know a lot of information about hunting and the atmosphere of hunting in general. Your use of visual imagery was great; I really envisioned my self seeing the bears. I enjoyed the piece and it was really well written.

-Oge Okafor Period 5

Anonymous said...

Wow great job with this story. I really didnt expect the ending of it all being a dream. You did an awesome job with this piece!

JC Bagro
Period 3

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this piece. You used such concise short sentences that compel the reader with each sentence as they go on in the story. I enjoyed your descriptive imagery and use of language. I really enjoyed that you also had made the story itself concise. You got straight to the point but explained a nightmare about hunting for this old man that turned out to be some type of a warning. It was very compelling and very interesting to read. Great job! I enjoyed everything about it!

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this piece. You used such concise short sentences that compel the reader with each sentence as they go on in the story. I enjoyed your descriptive imagery and use of language. I really enjoyed that you also had made the story itself concise. You got straight to the point but explained a nightmare about hunting for this old man that turned out to be some type of a warning. It was very compelling and very interesting to read. Great job! I enjoyed everything about it!

Unknown said...

I really like this piece it was really mysterious and i love the detail in the story.Great job

Unknown said...

I really enjoyed reading your story, I loved the subject of the story. It seemed like a cautionary tale. However I do feel like you could have developed the story a bit more, it didn't seem to have any substance to it. Until the very end with the twist of the story, which I really loved as well.

Anonymous said...

Nice twisted ending! I enjoyed the mystery and suspense you added to the story. It seems like you must know a lot about hunting given the detail you added to the story. Also, great job with the details.
- Victoria Ervin
per.1

Unknown said...

This was a pretty good story. I enjoyed the suspense and not knowing what would happen next. I liked your use of imagery and the feel I got while reading the story. I loved the ending!
Emily French
P. 5

Unknown said...

Great job! This was a very interesting story and i liked how you used imagery. I also liked the plot twist and how he woke up and saw him on the news but if it were me i wouldn't have just canceled my plans for that year i would have never return. Keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

Great job! This was a very interesting story and i liked how you used imagery. I also liked the plot twist and how he woke up and saw him on the news but if it were me i wouldn't have just canceled my plans for that year i would have never return. Keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

That was a very good story, I kind of got confused on the part where he says "what" but other than that it wasn't bad at all.

Anonymous said...

You used your imagination on this piece, and it seems like you can write. This was cool to read.
Logan Donoho
Per 1

Unknown said...

This story gave me the chills, well kind of. I was really thinking that you did a great job on connecting dreams to reality and a great job making this story on hunting. Also making a little horror story like that was such a great idea.
Period 4

Unknown said...

Great story! I like how you added the plot twist at the end of the story. It was also interesting that the two men were the same ones in the main character's nightmare.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, this story is unique. I hardly read and hunting stories and that are good. This one is pretty good! The dijafu and nightmare was really what gave to story it's greatness! Good work!

Ricky Martin
Per.4

Anonymous said...

the story had a great twist that i was not expecting. It was very entertaining and kept me wondering where the main character would end up next. I also think it was an interesting choice to make the story about an old man because for some reason stories tend to focus on the youth.
-Kayla Salas, period 5

Caitlyn Ryan said...

wow plot twist! i love the unique writing you did. throughout the whole thing it keep me interested. i like the horor movie feel i got from it. Great Job!

Unknown said...

Wow. This was a very exciting story. It had a huge plot twist in the end which I love. It got me very intrigued. You should make a part 2 to this. Good job!

Anonymous said...

that plot twist caught me off guard. It was great, I loved all the imagery you used and how even though you used very short concise sentences; they really just pushed your piece for the better. Good job!!
Kayla Weathers
PD.5

Unknown said...

Very, very interesting piece. Absolutely positively loved the plot twist. The creativity you put into this was just so exciting. I honestly just really enjoyed the story, it was great. :)

Anonymous said...

Good Story! I you did a great job of describing the scenery in detail and really allowed us to feel apart of the environment. But the part I liked the most was the little twist at the end, instead of the man hunting himself he saw the point of view from the man who was killed the night before.
-Marvin Virola
P5

Unknown said...

What a suspenseful piece! I didn't know what to expect from the story but as soon as I got to the part where he met with two men who came off as suspicious to me, I knew that this was going to be a suspenseful story and it kept me on the edge of my seat! I loved it very much. Fantastic work!

Anonymous said...

This piece was really well written. I liked the plot twist how the Hunter became the hunted . But yo could have developed the story a little more instead of making it a dream but well done.

Evanne Turner
period.1

Anonymous said...

This piece was really well written. I liked the plot twist how the Hunter became the hunted . But yo could have developed the story a little more instead of making it a dream but well done.

Evanne Turner
period.1

Unknown said...

I love the use of imagery that you used. As well as the twist at the end of the story. It gave me an idea and a picture as well as a sense of setting. Its like I actually saw the person hunting and fighting.

Jorge Rodriguez
Period 5

Unknown said...

Wow, I really love the plot twist your story was also descriptive very good.

Unknown said...

This was a thrilling story! The plot twist was very well written and forced the reader to change their perception of what would follow. Really good job!
Period 5
Hunter Fierro

try said...

I liked this story a lot! The plot twist really turned it into an interesting read and it is really well written. I also really like the perspective.