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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

"The Unknown" by Alyssa A



On an ominous night where the crows begin to cry, and the clouds began to cover the tracks of suspicion, the sound of my engine began steer away from what it usually is like. And after driving for a couple miles with the engine sounding like nails being dragged on glass, my car stopped. In the depths of Oregon, a shroud of darkness and fear enveloped my surroundings. Luckily, the cabin that my mom and I were staying at was only about a mile away. Since the car was functionally useless at that point, I left it on the side of the road to be picked up by the local towing company, while I took a trip through the forest to test my courage. Walking into the woods wasn’t the most terrifying experience I had been through in my life; however, walking through the forest was a completely different task. I could hear the breath of coyotes preparing their plans for a glorious meal, the caws of crows announcing my presence, and even the howls of wolves that wanted a kill just for the hunt. Although I knew I only had a little more ways to go, the idea I could lose my life at any moment from any direction, gave me an agonizing experience that haunted me. The anxiety of fear became so intense that the only solution was to overcome it with a source of unimaginable adrenaline. I was only a few yards from the front of our cabin when I saw a strange dark figure looking out the window on the second floor. I could see the only light of the cabin on the porch, which was the all the incentive that I needed to make sure I was able to survive. Even though I was met with the horrors that lurked within the forest, I was able to make it to our cabin in front of the lake under a cool moonlit night. As I walked through the door, I could hear the warm call of my mom saying my name from the second floor, but as I began to walk to the stairs, a hand flew out and grabbed me by the wrist. It was my mom’s hand and all she could say to me was, “I heard your name too”.

36 comments:

Unknown said...

Alyssa, this is an awesome blog entry, and honestly, I was upset when it ended. The entire set up is so eerie and I love that because it really captures the reader's attention, I mean, you described everything so vividly that I could picture the entire story in my head. The entire story was well written and different, great job.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I love how the story was suspenseful and made u want to keep reading. I love that little plot twist in the end it really left me wondering what happens next. Great use of details and vocabulary. -Tatiana Nunez period 6

Unknown said...

You are able to skillfully create an atmosphere that is eerie form the very start of the story. The setting on a dark night in the woods sets the scene for a classic horror story in the making. You imagery is top notch from the cawing crows to the deadly wolves that lurk around every corner, you are certainly able to convince readers that death does come from every angle. Throw in an unexpected twist and this has all the makings of a suspenseful horror story. Well done!

Anonymous said...

Alyssa this is so great! I am really upset this ended too! The way you started describing her fear and anxiety made me start to feel nervous. I wanted the story to keep going on because now I'm scared for the lady and her mother. You really captured my attention.

Evelin Conde
p.5
3/30/15

Anonymous said...

Nice Job girl! That was a good story. It had me pretty creeped out, mostly because I am easily scared, but it was still amazingly ominous nevertheless. I loved all the detail and imagery you used to convey the creepy feeling of the story. I thought you were going to write a happy story, so I'm really surprised by this dark side you showed.

Good Job!

Elisabeth Domond
Period 5

Justin Le said...

I loved your blog entry Alyssa! I loved the suspense you gave and the imagery you showed going through the forest and how terrifying it was. The first person point of view gives the reader a feel of how it is like to be in the forest in the dark. The ending was the best, it ended with the suspense of who said her name and that is unknown. Catchy title to go with the blog.

Unknown said...

Woah Alyssa! Didn't know you honestly had this in you! The use of imagery was amazing I felt like I was the girl in your story! I also really enjoyed it because it didn't drag like it was the perfect length! Great job girl!

Anonymous said...

Wow this was a great piece of writing and I like how you put it together so keep up the good work.
-Kamau O
P.2

Anonymous said...

This piece was great. It was so suspensful and it kept me wondering. I didn't expect the ending. I knew she was going to make it to the cabin but i though it was going to be a happy ever after but when I read the ending I didn't even realize what was going on. I had to take a second to realize what had happened. Amazing piece. It has me all jumpy now.
- Angel Ramirez
P. 5

Anonymous said...

It kept me wondering it was a good piece.

Unknown said...

This eerie story had great detail and an amazing plot line. The twist ending was so scary. It is good she didn't go up.

Unknown said...

This story was great and it was so suspenseful and it had good detail. it also was creepy while she was going through the forest. but it was a really good story.

Anonymous said...

This story was very suspenseful and seems like it might need a follow up. I was very anxious to find out what happened once the narrator got inside the cabin, because it seemed like something might have been wrong with the mom. Great Job
Nehemiah Barnett
Perid4

Anonymous said...

Dang Alyssa you're story was on fleek. Like the suspense had me on the edge of my seat! I liked how you used imagery to convey the meaning of the story. Great job.
-Philip Ahn
P4

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was really good! I honestly could feel the anxiety that the character was feeling as they went through the forest. Your imagery was on point, it felt like I was there experiencing it all. I also like the ending, it really added to the scary factor of your story.
-Daniel Alaniz
period 4

Anonymous said...

4/2/15 written at 7:04 pm
Whoa. This was well written and a chill up your spine, story. It was very detailed and I loved the ending. You should really write another piece to continue it, I would love to hear it.
Bethany Stitt
per, 6

Anonymous said...

im speechless, the suspense of the forest and how her car was broken down in the middle of the forest and was forced to go through the forest alone was just simply amazing, and to top it all off once she finally got their their was a spirit in the house calling for her but her mother stopped her from going.

Anonymous said...

Wow this story was amazing from the imagery of the wolves and crows left a kinda spooky, and at the end left a suspenseful story the whole story
-Nick Canez
Period 6

Anonymous said...

Whoah, that's pretty spooky. Your piece was really well written. Like others said, the imagery created a great effect to the story. I felt like I was walking through the forest with her. The last part got me the most, it was really scary and it had my hairs standing. Good job!
Grace Panjaitan p4

Anonymous said...

Wow, this story is suspenseful and had me on the edge off my seat. Good job.
Kenzie Mcewan
period 2

Unknown said...

I felt the suspension it was riviting and amazing. I loved the overall story, great job !

Miranda Santos said...

This is a great story. I really enjoyed reading it and liked how descriptive it was. The imagery really let me visualize what was happening and understand the anxiety the narrator was feeling. I also liked the twist at the end and how it left me wondering what would happen. Great job!

Anonymous said...

This story had me in suspense and in complete awe. This story was great and had a deep motive to it. Nice job.
-Melvin Sanchez
Period 6

Unknown said...

This story had a great hook and captures the attention of readers almost immediately. This was a very creative story and was suspensful. Great use of words as you described what lurks withing the forest. Great job with this story just wish It didn't have to end so soon :p.

Anonymous said...

this story was very very descriptive to the point of the noises the animals. I couldn't imagine my car breaking down and having to walk in the forest. overall great story
jesse jauregui

Unknown said...

This story kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. From the horrors in the woods, to the dark figure in the cabin, I was thoroughly terrified from start to finish. Though I must admit I am easy to scare, this story truly haunted me. Wish there were more! -Austin Royster

Unknown said...

Your word choice is what got me. The dark connotation of the words and the overall creepy aura that extended from this piece was enough to leave me with shortened breath. The way you delivered the sentences allowed the reader to connect with work and feel the fear first hand. The elevation of suspense throughout the whole thing was like a roller coaster and created an enjoyable thrill ride for me. Thank you for this extraordinary piece and excellent work.

Michael Hernandez said...

Good story, it was suspenseful and it had a nice flow to it . Keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

Wow this was such a great story! It was very suspenseful which I absolutely loved. I loved how you used so much detail and I could picture everything that was going on in my mind. The imagery was amazing. Great job! Such a great story!
-Period 5

Anonymous said...

Haha this was a creepy story to read at night. I really liked all the imagery you used, it painted such a vivid picture of the scene and what was going on! It really contributed to the ominous tone of the piece. Great job Alyssa!

Melany M
Period 1

Unknown said...

I really appreciate the eeriness throughout this piece. I think the audience is able to relate to this story because many people have experienced that same agonizing surge of adrenaline that comes with wandering into the unknown. I like the vivid imagery you conveyed to the audience, especially your choice of animals and their actions. Great job on ending in a cliffhanger, it makes the reader know that the nightmare of the protagonist is not over yet.

Unknown said...

Great use of imagery throughout the story and the plot is A1. The ending gmfu!! I mean I would get out of there and go and take my chances with the wolves. I ain't trying to be apart of no scary movie!! Great job!!

Unknown said...

Wow this was a frightening story! I really enjoyed it and it would be awesome to make a part 2! Overall, great job on your story!

Anonymous said...

Great Job Alyssa! This entry was amazing! I loved how i felt so drawn into the story and almost felt exactly how the character does. Your use of detail and vivid imagery really sold your story, especially your use of vocabulary!
-Nate Shepard P.1

Anonymous said...

Great story, it gave me a little chill towards the end. I enjoyed your use of imagery, I was able to picture the events of the story in my head. How the car sounded and the cold night in the forest. Great Job!
Kaleha Spencer
Period:4

Anonymous said...

Woah Alyssa, so very masterful with the suspense in this entry. i really am upset it is not longer, but oh the limits of a blog entry. You wrote this so well and I had a greta time reading it.
-Richie Gaspers