We were unstoppable… Or that’s what we
thought. The three of us always new how to have fun under any circumstance.
Friday. It was going to be the best night any of us would ever experience. It
was the hugest party of the year and all of us were invited. We couldn’t wait.
Then it came. The night we had all been waiting for. Julie and Alexis met up at
my house so we could get ready. It was almost time to leave and we were
frantically getting our hair and makeup done. Were on the freeway, it’s around
8:40 and the party started a long time ago. Julie is driving and were blasting
music and just having fun. It all happened so fast. When I woke up I was in the
hospital not knowing where I was or what happened. All I heard was “You were in
a bad accident but you’ll be fine.” My heart raced. What happened to my two
best friends? I was screaming at the doctor, “Where are they, what happened to
my friends?. I just wanted to know where
they were. “You’re friends did not survive the crash.” He told me the front
seats were totaled and my friends would never make it. I was crushed. I never
knew something like that would happen, but they were right. It was a night to
remember.
Find the shape and tell it!
52 comments:
Good job way to show a lesson how something good can go bad fast great job.
-Noah Martinez
p.2
This is crazy. Its cool how you kind of used foreshadowing by saying it would be a night to remember and it would be a good night but it was the opposite. You could have used a little more detail on how the narrator felt but overall great story. -Tatiana Nunez period 6
Wow, i like how it shows how your whole life can turn around in a split second! good job!
This is a good piece. The whole perspective of the main character losing her friends was a real reality check. Your life could change in a few seconds.
Mariah Rhodes
Period 6
This piece made me cry and have so many other emotions. This story was really well written and thought out and I was really interested in it. I like it when stories use their title in their story because it gives the title a little bit more meaning. I like the detail of how excited the characters were and the transition into the hospital and the main character screaming to the doctor about her best friends. As depressing and sad as this piece is I really enjoyed reading this because of the detail and plot. Over all I really enjoyed reading this and I am glad that I read this.
Sarah Skibby
Per. 6
The story idea is really good. It could have been fleshed out a little more but good, nonetheless. Deadly teenage crashes seem to be occurring more often now so it is definitely a relevant topic as well. Just a few suggestions though. Give it a second read to make sure you get spelling and grammatical errors out of the way. Additionally, some varied sentence structure would add to it immensely. Sentence structure variation is something that is extremely difficult and I can never seem to get it myself but it adds to stories a ton. Besides the two things I mentioned it is really good but it could just use the extra umph.
It is a nice piece, its really scary how one night can change your whole life. Detailed just check for spelling other than that nice.
-Vymian San
Wow the thought of it is scary but it is a good writing so good job.
-Kamau O
P.2
This Story was absolutely amazing!! The whole story line was well put together and well thought out. The thought of losing your two best friends is heartbreaking and tragic. I would love to read more from you and to see how she takes it all in and moves on from it.
It sure is a night to remember, not a good night to remember, but one that you will forever hold on to. I like how you led up to the crash, not giving too many details but keeping it simple and to the point. It is something we can learn from and have a story to tell others in hope they will not do the same and not put themselves in danger. Great job!
Madison Pierce
period 4
This piece was very well written. I love how you portrayed to the audience that something good can go bad really fast and your whole life can change in a split second. This topic is universal and is a good reminder to hold on to the ones we love. Overall great piece!
-Leah Hernandez
Period 4
this piece was very well written.The thought of it was scary but you did a good job.
This was a tragic story. It shows how something so good can turn bad in a split second. Great Job Aliza.
Tragic story but I loved it. This story shows that this could have happened to anyone.
-Naiszjaii Ragsdale
This was such a sad story, I would be sad too if I had lost my two best friends, but anyways I liked this story well written. Good job!
-Sukhmeen
Period 2
You did an awesome job on the story! It was very creative. So tragic that Julie and Alexis died.
Jocelyn Rangel
P.2
This was a crazy story, because I can't imagine the guilt that would come from being the only person to survive such a crash. This really made me think because I myself had an accident that could have been alot worse if God had not been looking out for me. Luckily every walked away only with a few scratches. Great Job.
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
great job on your short story you had me wondering what happened to Alexis and Julie in the middle of the story. great job on describing
Alissa del Castillo
period:6
I love this story how detailed and how you described the death in a non-brutal way and keeping it clean. Also how her whole world just turned upside down in just one moment from a car to a hospital.
It was a good short story it was kinda sad at the end on how her bestfriends died in the wreck.
Kyle Baker
period 6
Wow, that was pretty sad. However it was also pretty good as well. Good job delivering the message that even though we are young and think we are invincible. We could lose it all in an instance.
-Daniel Alaniz
period 4
Your short story still had me in awe. This was a well written piece of writing, maybe if it were longer it would've been better. But as it is now, it was good.
Jobelle Dauz
Period 2
Reading this made my heart drop. Losing your best friend is tough, losing anyone in general is tough. I really liked how you portrayed how your life can change in a second. Everything can be fine one moment, then, gone. I see that we should cherish everyday and and the ones we love. I really enjoyed your story, good job.
Grace Panjaitan p.4
Ohhhhhh My Gosh, I did not suspect such a turn in the story,so sad, The fact says the accident happened so fast makes it even sadder, it takes an amazing writer to pull something like this story
Nick Canez
Period 6
Ohhhhhh My Gosh, I did not suspect such a turn in the story,so sad, The fact says the accident happened so fast makes it even sadder, it takes an amazing writer to pull something like this story
Nick Canez
Period 6
Great story, very sad and surprising. It is short but well written.
Kenzie Mcewan
period 2
Such a sad story on losing someone by death but good job!
Angel Gonzalez
p2
Your story was short but amazing. Good job!
Chiquitita Annisa
Period 2
The story was great, the conflict and the way you showed how life changes at any moment. Good job !
This was a well written story. Maybe could go into more detail but great none the less. It perfectly fits the message of vulnerability. We all believe we are invincible in youth and don't put much thought into the fact that we won't always be around. Sometimes this lesson is learned through ttime or traumatic losses of loved ones such as this story explains the loss of two friends while the three were just trying to just have fun. Great job with this story I enjoyed reading it.
really enjoyed your story! it shows how life changes in a split second!
imalla ramirez
period 6
One thing I noticed about most of these stories on the blog is that most of these stories are written in first person. XD I guess first person is just the new style these days for writing stories! Anyways, your story is pretty good! I like stories with dark endings for some reason. Just my style I guess.
Really love how you showed that your life can be turned upside down at any moment great job
Valerie perez
period 6
This story is sad because this does happen. Anybody at anytime can be hurt in a blink of an eye. I also liked how this can be related to real life and can open peoples eyes.
jesse jaurgui
This story was really sad but very real things can change so quickly. I thought you did a good job with detail. I enjoyed reading it.
-Hallie Deeds Period 2
I like how you used something with normally a positive connotation in such a way, I thought the story was going to be about he party. I liked the twist where it ended up being horrible but still was the 'Night to remember'. Good Job~
Margaret Moyer
per.5
I appreciate the realist aspect of your piece. We usually think a night to remember is a good thing when in this case it is the complete opposite. Great job!
Leasia Spicer
period 4
i really liked how u told us that everything in your life can change in just an instant out of no where good job
period 6
oscar rodriguez
With the title of your story, I was thinking that it was gonna be a happy one. Then i read it, and I realize the irony of it. Most people would usually expect to have a great time when going to parties and have the time of there lives. Your story, however, put a good twist to having "A night to remember."
Justin Presto
Per. 2
I like how towards the end, you mention that the doctor said the front seats were totaled and "crushed" but then, just by hearing those words out of the doctor's mouth, the narrator was crushed. I just thought it was kinda clever and ironic. Great story! -Altierre Paris Per.2
Your title had me thinking this was gonna be a cheerful and fun experience out with friends like something out the movie "Perks of Being a Sunflower", boy I was wrong. This tragedy definitely made me think about the unexpected and how short life is. Your trigger really caught my emotions. Good work!
Good concept with the title leading the reader to believe one thing and having another happen. Be careful of switching tenses throughout the story. Also, leaving some of the story to the audience's imagination could build a sense of mystery which may make the story more intense. Nice job.
that was not expected dang that was crazy
~Clarissa R,
period 2
Your story was very chilling! I was not expecting that type of ending! Good job on your story!
Your story was really interesting and I loved how you surprised me with the ending. You've reintroduced that one shouldn't make assumptions from a title and when you revealed the crash, I was actually glad you pulled a clever trick on your reader. Well done!
-Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
The title was misleading and gave great suspense towards the plot of the story. The tragedy made me rethink my life choices. So overall that was twist for story.
Mahlon Howard Period 4
This story really achieves much of the tragic sense; the foreshadowing tone and the shift in tone as well! I also liked how it started off in a direction that brings a positive connotation to the title, but as the story progresses the connotation and the context o the title transforms into more of a dark connotation, which is a well done technique!
Your story had an unexpected ending that I did not see coming. It sends a good message to teenagers. -Sophia Rivas
I could imagine this happening in my head because the story is so close to home especially with all the teen crashes. The sentences are very short which I think is related to how fast your life can change in an instant. Sadly, her friends died which makes the story even sadder and adds to the despairing tone.
Kayla Fulton
Period 5
This was a really good story that was sad but action packed. Good job but next time work on your grammar and spelling.
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