Black.
“All I see is
black. I have not seen a real human face since… I have not seen a real human
face since… Have I ever even seen a human face?”
Black.
“It
surrounds me. I’m ensnared and I’m not sure if I can escape.”
Black.
“You
see it’s not that I am physically unable to leave; I just don’t know if I can
leave emotionally. There is something inside me that desires to go. That part
of me wants to feel the fresh breeze in my face and the sun on my skin. That
part of me is curious to see a real life tree or animal or cloud or star or… oh
I’ve lost what I was thinking about.”
Black.
“Oh
I do apologize. The human brain is not meant to think independently so it is
very easy to lose one’s train of thought. But I digress. There is something
exciting in this position that I am in. I mean I have been excited before but
never like this. Is this anxiety? I have never been anxious before!”
Black.
“If
all you have ever known could change in an instant at your beck and call, would
you take that opportunity? It’s right there; change. I dream about it
sometimes; the world outside. In this dream I soar over an ocean until I reach
a beach and crash in the warm sand. It doesn’t hurt because the sand catches me
and envelops my body. Suddenly I’m at the top of a mountain peak looking down
on a luscious green valley as an eagle soars above my head. But at the end of
the dream I go to touch a single blade of grass in between the cracks of the
rocky mountain top and everything disappears. I wake up.”
Black.
“All
I see is black. My Television screen is off. It’s time. It’s time I go
outside.”
Black.
He continues to
prepare himself to leave the room that he has not left since the moment he was
born and while he does so, every other person in the world continues to watch
their own Television screens, unaware that he has turned off his and is about
to be the first person in over a millennia to step outside.
White.
51 comments:
I love how you are able to paint a picture of a somewhat dystopian future that doesn't seem too far off from the world we live in. The style of your writing keeps the readers guessing until the very end, craving each new line as it sheds just a little more light on the situation. Its an interesting parallel as the character in the story moves from the dark to the light so to does the reader move form "in the dark" so to speak to a more enlightened state. Very well done!
Hey Jack! What an incredibly insightful piece! I thoroughly enjoyed the black/white contrast, as it says something about being enlightened, versus ignorance. I can't help but be curious about your inspiration for this piece. What an interesting concept to write about, and yet, not so far from the imagination. I liked that the narrator is never truly described, or named, leaving the reader to step into his or her shoes-- that was a nice enveloping technique. All in all, a very interesting and well written piece. I wish it were a bit longer!
Chloë Miller
Oh my gosh this piece is so complex yet creative and out of the norm. I really like how you set up the Black . . . Black . . . White sequence. It really gives more to the piece. I hope I am not butchering your story but is the narrator the television or a person? Because I thought it was quite cool that it gave off that it was a TV. I haven't read anything like this and the more and more times I read this the more and more it becomes interesting. Over all I thought you really took your time with this story making it as amazing as you possibly could and I can tell you are proud of this story because you should be.
Sarah Skibby
Per. 6
Wow truly amazing story! This is really well written. This futuristic mind-suppressing generation really makes me think about how the progression of technology can really create a lethargic, dependent society. This story kind of reminds me of Wall-e with all the people on their hoover chairs engulfed in their t.v and their food in a cup. I love the first person narrative because you learn what type of society they live in and you learn how deprived of nature and change he is. For me his perspective made me appreciate nature. The repetition of black was perfect because it is a reminder of the constant emptiness he endures and how he takes the step to change what he sees and towards the end he see white, a new beginning, a blank canvas. Great story once again!
I actually really enjoyed this piece because it reminds me of how society is now a days.No one ever steps out of electronics now to see the beauty of the world.This reminds me to not be on my phone all the time. Good job I enjoyed this piece.
Wow. Just wow. Throughout the whole piece I was just progressivly reading faster and faster until i got to the end and I was just in shock. This entry was just so amazing and it kept me interested. I like the way you structured it and the way you used the different point of view towards the end. This honestly is an amazing piece.
- Angel Ramirez
P. 4
I really enjoyed your story. The way you set up the society without having to tell plain out what is was about made the story that much more interesting and created a far off society criticizing our current one but not directly...dystopian. It was relatable to now because the social media and technology can take over one's life and have that become the center. I liked how you used imagery to describe so vividly the view he has on the outside world and how he longs to see it.
Madison Pierce
period 4
Oh wow this is such a creative piece of work. As i kept reading it got more and more interesting and it kept me wanting to keep reading and find out what happens next! Its like you created a whole different world where technology takes over and people cant think for themselves. Very interesting I enjoyed it!
Jack, I loved this piece. The message of how society today seems to detach ourselves from the physical world and opt to find our entertainment in technology was powerfully portrayed through this work. It sort of gave me a Brave New World feel with its subtle hint of the larger dystopian universe the story had. I especially liked how the main protagonist reacts to the blackness and his unawareness of the significance of his decision to leave the blackness. Great job!
Isabelle Huynh
Per.1
I was really impressed how you expressed the message of societal reliance on technology and overall detachment in such a unique and well written way. To me, it was reminiscent of Brave New World but a little bit more mysterious. I wish there was more to read about what happened after he stepped outside.
I really liked your story. It was interesting how you portrayed how techniology controls the daily lives of people and how it created a society where people are not allowed to think independently. Also, it was interesting how you used the shift of black to represent the contolling of these people and how it changed when the main character decided to think independently. Great job!
I like the story alot. It was kinda confusing but, i understand
- NaisZjaii Ragsdale
I really enjoyed this piece because I feel like we are close to reaching this point in society. I like the way you made it where it seems like a commonly accepted fact that "the human brain isn't supposed to work independently". This sort of reminded me of Brave New World. But Great Job!
Nehemiah Barnett
Period 4
The first sentence, "Black." really does stimulate the readers imagination and then with the repetition of that statement "Black," "Black," Black" carries the readers attention throughout the story developing the dystopian society portrayed in the story. Lastly, by then ending the story with the complete opposite of black--white; continues the readers wonderment and questions of the world.
Eva Badal
Per. 1
4/2/15 at 6:55
Wow! This was such an amazing piece, I loved how it was showing how the future would seem with all the kids who are so lazy. Keep up the great work.
Bethany Stitt
per. 6
This is an amazing piece of work. The imagery I very bleak and undescriptive; like how the black is described to be the absence of color, the speaker is deprived of the atmosphere of light (white). The use of nature really emphasizes disconnection to the lightness and emotions that we are given in its presence.
Keep up the good work
Marian Hollinquest
Period 4
Wow Jack! This piece was really amazing! When I first began reading it I was imagining a blind character who always wondered and hoped of retrieving his vision back. As I progressed through the piece it was more clear that this short story signifies a society where they are kind of going through motions, not thinking outside of the box, and this reminded me a lot of what we have been going over in class! I honestly think this piece is one of my favorites on this blog! You did a great job contrasting the two colors black and white and your imagery, tone, and diction did a wonderful display of what you had to say. Awesome!
I don't think there could be any other literary piece that could so correctly evoke and perfectly describe the way our generations are going to end up as. When I read your title, in all honesty I did not know what to expect and this came as a surprise. The way you metaphorically compare the way in which society is being enslaved by technology is great. Amazing job dude
The thought of "being brainwashed by the media" really shows here. And I'm intrigued to see a story like this, where society has been deprived of real life in the outside world by technology, and one finally decides to pull the plug. I really loved this story (:
Your piece reminds me of Fahrenheit 451 as it toys with the idea of society being glued to their screens and missing out on the beauty of interaction and life. The way you gradual reveal the speaker's desire to break free and experience the outside and interact right after you describe their dismal life was a great way to develop your theme. This structure reveals that the speaker, once engulfed by the screen and darkness of a sedentary life hypnotized by the screens, has begun to transform. We see him change into someone who dreams of the joys of nature and experience in the natural world rather than the artificial world of technology. I also love the connection between the color "black" with the darkness of an empty life when the speaker is still stuck in his previous life and the use of "white" when he steps out into the beautiful world and begins his new life and perhaps becomes the bright light that will bring about change in this dystopian society.
Danielle Delgado
Period 1
4/2/2015
Good job on this story it was really good keep up with the work.
Angel Gonzalez
p2
I really enjoyed this piece. It was very well written and I liked how it was written from the narrators point of view, showing how he and everyone else lived and also how he himself was affected by it. I also like how this piece relates to television and technology in general, showing the power and huge effect it can have on society. This is a really great piece, good job!
I loved the internal conflict between choosing to stay inside, or go explore something new, and go out side the norm. Good Job!
Your title is what caught my eye. I enjoyed that black and white was not used to describe races, in which I first thought it did. Your piece definitely shows the affects of media on society. I liked that you put us in a time in the future, just as how Brave New World was written. It gave the reader a perspective on how life can come to be. I like how you used "black" to represent the evils of media and "white" to represent the light from outside, it's as if you unintentionally, or intentionally metaphorically used them to represent society stuck in a tunnel, in hopes that they'll find their way out into the outside world someday. Good job!
Wow great job you can tell you put lots of time and emotions into this amazing paper great job
Valerie perez
period 6
First and foremost, your use of verisimilitude was very effective as it separated the reader enough from the issue (as this story is set way into the future) but was still thematically interesting and relatable to the reader's life. One note I'd have to give is on something that isn't necessarily an issue but more like what I'd personally prefer to see is a language that is suitable to the character. He's someone who has sat in front of a TV for his entire life and I'd imagine that he would have a lower vocabulary that you yourself would have (because we all know how intelligent you are and such). What I'm thinking of is Mark Twain and how he wrote Huckleberry Finn to be ignorant at heart but on the edge of epiphany at times. I really did like your story and I thought it was good especially being a story with a lot of consideration and contemplation rather than action and movement. Your color symbolism was a good choice as it can have many possible meanings such as the room itself vs. the outside world, bad vs. good, ignorance vs. knowledge, etc. and the concept was simple but genius.
I found your story to be very true to our society seeing how we are engulfed with the technology that surrounds us rather than actual experiences.
One of my favorite elements of this entry was its simplicity. You do not create a huge world with incredible detail but instead, you describe this futuristic orld in a very straight forward, undecorated way. This is a very smart move because it truly reflects the boring, dependent life that these "humans" live. I highly enjoyed it
Andy Reinschmidt Period 5
I feel like you just described a group of teenagers who haven't been living life because they spend all their time on their phones and watching television never wanting to go outside in the fresh air and try something new. At least that was my interpretation. I like the way you described beach and the top of the mountain very realistic. Really enjoyed this flash fiction!
Evelin Conde
p.5
3/30/15
I love how you structured your piece. You started off talking about black and emptiness. I thought you were going to write a piece that was mostly existentialist, but when I read the ending I was amazed. It never occurred to me that you would be writing about something so common in our society.
The usage of black and white was really interesting here, the black representing the shut in life where as when he finally decides to go out her turns white. Having it end with white I feel also made the color thing in it really stick out. It was a fun read !
Margaret Moyer
Per.5
Great story. The use of symbolism to covey the theme of life is well done and I like how you connected it to our society today.
Amazing story! It reminded me of Wall-E because the people in that movie only sit and watch their screens all day. It also relates to society today because the majority of people spend hours on electronics and do not enjoy what this earth has to offer. Great job!
I really enjoyed your story Jack! I liked how you used the word "Black" repeatedly and "White" in the end to contrast the whole idea of your piece. It was simple, but in a good way and it let my mind imagine a lot of what it was like. It's sad that we all can relate to this story in that today we sometimes get so distracted with technology and forget about the outside world and it's nature.
The syntax of your story immediately caught my eye and made me want to read it and I loved it. I really enjoyed the message of your story and I agree with you entirely that society wastes their time and attention on things that they shouldn't. I loved how the words black and white were repeated throughout. Great work!
Haylie Duncan
Period 4
This is beautiful, Jack. I loved everything about your piece.The fact that you developed a whole entire dystopian future in 500 words or less is pretty impressive. I enjoyed the contrast of black and white. It made the speaker's future seem bright compared the darkness he was living in. Your speaker reminds me a lot of Bernard refusing to take soma since the speaker wasn't watching the television. I really enjoyed your piece! Great job, Jack!
Hey Jack. This was a really awesome piece. I love how the symbolism of the colors black vs. white correlated to your message. I believe the way you structured this piece was very original as well. You were able to produce such a vivid message about the humans' potential to be overcome by technology in such a small, simple piece. My favorite thing, though, is honestly how you portrayed the speaker. You gave him or her dynamic characterization in such few sentences, which I believe to be very impressive. The final word "white" leaves such a dramatic closure to the piece. Good job, Jack!
Ellamae Armado
P. 1
Wow Jack! I loved the concept of this story. I couldn't help but think that this was all a dream. As if the character's eyes were closed and sleeping only to wake up and see the light. Anyways, I enjoyed this piece a lot. You're so creative and the repetition of black and symbolism behind both colors was amazing. You really did a great job.
Jack,
I had to reread your piece because I found it very, very interesting. The black repetition shows how we are in ignorance and cannot see beyond our television screens. But the white contrast at the end shows how we finally can reach this sort of fulfilling enlightenment at the end by leaving the TV screen and exploring the world to feel real experiences first hand rather than sit idly by and observing the experiences we see on TV. Thank you, for this.
-Gian Velasquez
so of what am I reading you tell the reader all the things that were black or white? because the first line, “All I see is black. I have not seen a real human face since… I have not seen a real human face since… Have I ever even seen a human face?”, is it referring to a dog or the person watching television? it was good I just need to keep reading this to understand the theme of this.
Isaac Garcia
per 6
The title you gave your work pulled me right in into reading it because it got me to wonder what is this black and white that he speaks of. Also your story helped me realize how our world is today, where the majority of people are constantly spending hours and hours on technology and they are not going outside as much anymore as in the old days when there was no technology. Than how you wrapped your story up with the word “white” really showed that even though people now days are continually using technology, this can be stopped and our society can once again go outside and value nature if we just put down our technology.
Extremely well written piece of literature! I liked the way you were able to progress and lay a basis for the story that was understandable yet extremely intricate and creative without flat out explaining the situation. I also enjoyed the idea of the dystopian society, like Brave New World. Great Job!
-Nate Shepard P.1
Speechless.
What can I say? This was a brilliant piece.
I personally enjoy story lines built off of a single concept, i.e. black and white. But moreover, I thoroughly enjoy post-apocalyptic kind of works, and this definitely gave me that kind of vibe of a future of passivity and degradation from ignorance. You did an excelent job incorporating fine detail to exaggerate your point through speech. The one dimension effortlessly pronounced the cold heartedness of the society.
It took me until the very last paragraph of the story to understand that the character was not physically confined in a prison, rather he was held captive by the mindless entertainment that subdued his peers. It's enjoyable that you explored the black and white concept because at first I had imagined that black meant night, but when the television was mentioned, its symbolic meaning is more apparent and, I don't know where I'm going with this, but your story was incredible! I look forward to seeing more writing from you.
The idea of the two colours and their importance to the structure of your piece really stood out to me. Well done and I love how each time you reintroduced the colour, your story developed an interesting story for the main character. I really enjoyed your piece, Jack!
-Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
The idea of the two colours and their importance to the structure of your piece really stood out to me. Well done and I love how each time you reintroduced the colour, your story developed an interesting story for the main character. I really enjoyed your piece, Jack!
-Andrew Trinidad
Period 1
Wow this piece was very well written and gave a good description of how we as a society can fall into this not too far off future. The fact that the one being descried decides to finally step outside rather than sit and watch television for any longer shows that there would still be the ones that would step outside the everyday norm.
The way you structured this piece Jack was brilliant and made the contrast more real to me. I enjoyed reading it and how you were able to make it seem so real and believable and the development of your main character.
This piece was very awesome! I can understand the controversial topic you're attempting to tackle; I see elements of Fahrenheit 451 in here and I really this concept.
There was mystery and suspense throughout the whole writing. Your diction is very concise and I think that's what makes the reader want to continue reading. I liked the repetition and emphasis on black. Really great job man.
I really enjoyed your piece. I really liked how you used color to emphasize your point. The entire piece sounded very mysterious and I enjoyed reading it. Good Job!
Alyssa Anastasi
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