As he climbed, he started
getting higher and higher. He kept on
going although he would get tired every once in a while, but he didn’t
mind. He just wanted to be the first
person to make it to the top and back.
He had no idea what would happen once he got there. As he was climbing, it got later and it
started getting darker. That didn’t stop
him from still going up there. He kept
pushing hisself to get there. As he got
higher, it got colder, and it was nothing but black outside. He didn’t have many clothes on his body to
save him from not being too cold. So he
started to get the urge to just go back down.
But he thought about it, when he tied his boat off and started to climb
the cliffs. He knew that no one had ever
lived to tell what was behind the cloud. So he continued his journey up the
cliff.
A couple hours later, he gets even higher he has no
chpice but to keep climbing. If he chooses to change his mind and go back down
it would take him a long time. So he
finally is almost to the tip top of the cliff and he has frostbite. He is freezing and he hasn’t eaten for days
since he started climbing the cliffs. He
can barely move, but he is almost to the tip.
So he reaches as far as he can, as much as it hurts him. He grabs on to the top of the cliff, and he
starts hanging. He starts panicing a lot
because this can be the day he dies and has no one to help him. A couple minutes later, he accidentally slips
his hand and he falls down. Hes going at
full speed holding on to nothing jus falling straight down. Finally, he hits
the ground on the hard icey snow. He did not survive.
20 comments:
This was very mysterious. The way you never mentioned "he"'s name captured my attention. I kept reading and reading to find out his name or what happened next and then the end came too soon. Great entry! -Leia s. period 6
Oh my goodness, I certainly didn't expect the main character to perish!! The storyline was so well structured that the climax didn't appear until the very last sentence, catching me completely by surprise. Great job!
-Christina Tapia
I was actually thinking that the main character was going to survive. Nice short story and story line. if was fun and suspenseful to read.
~Funmi Sule
Per.2 / 3:10 pm
4/22/14
I like how you made the main character so determined and strong toward completing his goal. He was very brave to have set out on such an adventure all by himself.It is sad that he died. I wonder did anyone ever come looking for him? Anyways, good job!
Great job on your short story !! I enjoyed reading it. Your story was very indeed a mysterious adventure!! It sounded like the main character was soo close to the top of the mountain!!. . . But unfortunately he did not make it. I think it was an interesting short story.Good Job!! :)
-Natalie Anguiano
First thing first, I absolutely did not think that the main character was going to die, because they usually don't, but I like that you changed it up by letting him die. It was an overall nice and suspenseful story, and very mysterious. I say mysterious because you leave the readers with a very big question by the end of the story, "What was behind that cloud?" I t was a great story, not a happy ending, but it din't have to be, and that's what made it great. Good Job.
Jose Mancillas
Period 2
the ending gave me the chills. the story was interesting but what is the characters name? next time try not to use to much plot. use plot and climax and a resolution. but other wise great job!
Great story! The ending caught me by surprise. Usually something great happens to the main character, but not to this one.
i really liked this piece because of its mysterious tone. I also loved the work over-all and the ending was also very creative. Good job!
Its a change from all the happy endings in storys that is shown to often
Interesting story, I did not expect him to die.
You did a really good job describing the situation the main character was in and it kept me on the edge of my seat. You described how much he was hurting so vividly I found myself cringing as I read. I could feel how close he was and was really hoping for him to make it, but the last line was a perfect way to end because it was mysterious, due to its lack of detail, and it went well with the rest of your story. In choosing to end it this way it made the story seem like it should be the beginning of a larger novel where we read about how the character eventually gets to climbing the mountain and then dying. I don't think I had read one of these stories where the character actually dies at then end so it was a good a choice to add that twist at the ending. Good Job!
This story had a description of the character making it though a struggle and dying. This story had a good twist and good job! - Anthony Navarrete
I didn't expect him to die! Great story. I kind of took it as a lesson like people should work hard and even if you don't achieve your goal don't discourage yourself and never stop nor give up. Good job! - Alexis Chiong period 6
Very detailed and suspenseful also loved the twist at the end not expecting him to die like that Good Job! -Haley Brown
i didnt think he was going to die that was really suspensful good job
-Eli Cabrera
nice detail and very suspenseful! didn't expect him to die.
This story had such an unexpected ending. I can honestly say that I did not think of the character to end up dying. I really liked how you took many things into consideration as this man was climbing up the cliff, such as temptation to go back down, being cold from the chilly nights, and hunger. There were a few spelling errors, but I think they were simply typos. Overall, this story was good(:
THIS IS SO GOOD!!! :D i love how the story starts off mysterious like the main character, who is determined and strongly committed to achieve his goal, has no idea whats at the top of the mountain and us as readers can think about what is up there which created suspense (at least for me). Great job!!
I really enjoyed this story because of the suspense I thought that he was going to lie to tell the story like all the other story that actual publishers do so hearing something new is excellent I hope to read more of your stories.
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