Crayola crayons, white construction paper, and
pipe cleaner, I knew I had everything to make the perfect paper doll. The task
was to create a paper doll version of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I can
still remember the instant excitement and anticipation that ran through my body
when I was assigned this project during my kindergarten year. I knew exactly
what I wanted to create my paper doll as, a doctor.
When the
time came to share our assigned project in class, I could not wait to show off
my master piece. My teacher decided to hang each of our paper dolls from the
ceiling. As I looked up at the ceiling I saw a multitude of paper dolls with
various occupations. I saw firefighters with red uniforms, police officers that
had star shaped badges, and nurses with stethoscopes. But as I continued to
look around, I started to feel less excited and proud of my paper doll. Blind
to the creative aspects I previously saw, the flaws of my doll started to
become more apparent. My dolls eyes were crooked, the hair looked like
scribbles, and the stethoscope seemed disfigured. But as I looked longer
something else became apparent… my doll was the only doll with brown skin. Even
as a young, naïve girl something about seeing the sight of that brown doctor
made me feel uncertain about her greatness and I didn’t know why.
This feeling of uncertainty was reinforced even as
I got older. In band, I had trouble with a marching technique called a jazz
run. No matter how much I tried to practice this technique I could never quite
master it. I began to doubt my ability to march, and my director did too. He
became frustrated with my struggle to jazz run and asked me, “Do you have a
brain?” Although I replied yes, I knew regardless of my response that I was still
uncertain; uncertain of myself, my intelligence, and my abilities.
These five simple words started to taunt me not
only internally, but also externally. As a young African American and
Panamanian female, I was worried about others looking down on me because of my
ethnicity. Being constantly exposed to the negative stereotypes, I had
internalized the notion that people of color were not as smart or capable of
achieving success. It wasn’t until I became a Pomona College Academy for Youth
Success (PAYS) program scholar that this uncertainty changed into confidence.
PAYS is a
program that expands academic opportunities for groups traditionally
underrepresented in higher education. Unlike the world where the capability of
minority groups is questioned, the PAYS program is a community where our
strengths overpower our weaknesses, helping us realize we have the capability
to achieve anything we set our minds to. Being given the opportunity to take
college level courses and participate in a research group, little by little, I
started to thrive off my courage in myself. I started to realize that what
makes me different is what can make me a leader in society.
My
inspiration to be a leader is what motivates me to pursue a major in biology.
As a biologist, it would be my dream to make the term sickness nonexistent. I
would want to use my skills and knowledge that I acquire from this major as a
way to find breakthroughs and cures to diseases and illnesses; such as cancer
and HIV. Despite the fact society challenges my abilities; I will defy
expectations to prove that I do have a brain and a purpose in the world. Now
when I see my doll I no longer view her curls and brown skin as imperfections,
but as aspects that perfectly represent the leader that I know I am bound to
become.
21 comments:
This was so inspirational :') the issue of race and ethnicity caught me by surprise because I have always viewed you as a person of confidence and adamance. It's truly humbling to see what other people's internal struggles are because I realize that all success comes from the motivation we feel AFTER we fail! This is probably a story that I am going to carry with me for a while, so thank you for writing this. :) now on a literary note, I think your writing was great! The flashback in the beginning provided a brief peek into who you are and the rest of the story flowed fluidly to who you want to be, a biology major. I believe in you homegirl, and I wish you the best in your career. GOOD JOB BRI!
- Sherry Li period 5
Even though racism and discrimination is no where comparable to the 1960's and earlier, there are still obstacles that minorities struggle to overcome. Having self confidence and determination will allow you to push through these challenges to accomplish your goals.
Great job Briana! As a Hispanic female, I can sympathize with you about this. It can be difficult being a minority, but it's important to remember that we can all accomplish the same things! And PAYS is a great program, so I'm happy it has helped you with your confidence. Loved this!
This piece really shows your diligence and positive attitude not only just in school, but in life overall. You've overcame many obstacles and worked through many hardships to get to where you are today--and don't stop until you reach your goal! Don't let others' negative comments affect you, as I believe that as long as you have the mindset set on a certain goal and put all of your possible time and effort in, you will eventually reach your goal. I am glad you've found your inner ability from the PAYS program, and best of luck in your future endeavors!
-Ben Chang
I loved the message behind you story Briana. The issues of confidence, uncertainty, and race all came together to have a meaningful message. The success at the end and you determination also inspired me and forced me to realize that I myself have gone through the same thing.
- Marcopolo Anzora
I love your determination and positive attitude! Your message behind race really caused me to look back a bit. It is difficult to be judged automatically based on skin color, but we should not let that obstacle get in the way of our dreams. As long as we keep our heads high and goals pure to heart, we can achieve absolutely anything despite our race!
Briana, I loved this narrative. Though I have not been openly discriminated against as a result of my skin color, I do not what it is like to be subjected to racial stereotypes. From personal experience, I have found that many people doubt the academic abilities of Hispanics. It was great to see how you went from struggling with self-doubt to being filled with confidence and steadfast determination. You are going to make a great biologist one day.
P.S. Curls rock!
-Christina Tapia
This reflection was so short, but had so much meaning to it! Everything from the little analogy in the beginning, and the tone shift, and the "sense of self" was fantastic.
The first sentiments you expressed actually made me feel angry. I really am curious to know who was this instructor that asked you this (although I have a feeling I know). I was so angry that I almost cried because that's horrible. I can't believe anyone would say that at all.
But then, you went right on and turned it all around. You turned all that negativity into positivity, and just on that reason alone shows how strong of a person you are.
I know you'll go far in life, and I can tell you now that you are strong enough to push through any obstacle that may occur.
Good job on this personal reflection. Now that I think about it, I kinda hope you used it for a personal statement, because this would definitely impress the admissions counselors.
I hope you keep on moving forward. I feel like we're all going to hear great accomplishments in the future of biology because of you.
Briana, this is absolutely beautiful. You are most certainly an extremely intelligent, gorgeous, and hardworking person, and I am so happy that you have found your confidence and started loving yourself for who you are! This piece was so amazingly written; you put the readers into the exact scene, and the sad thing is, many of us can look back into our younger years and know this to be true. There is no other crayola crayon that kids associate with being "skin" color besides that peach color! That peach color doesn't even look like a real skin color!
I find it disheartening that even as a little girl, you felt seeing a brown doctor was not quite right or as great. Nonetheless, I can see that you have not only learned, but also grown from your experiences growing up and with the PAYS program. I know you can achieve great things, pursue your dreams, and defy the odds with hard work, perseverance, and desire that you already innately have!
I thought your piece was absolutely beautiful. It was very inspiring and it helped me relate to you at a deeper level. You touched on subjects that I too have struggled with and helped me remeber the realization that a person can overcome their obstacles through dedication and hard work. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us and I know you will succeed in whatever goals you have.
I like the topic of minorities. It displays that you should not be judged or criticized by the way your skin color is or by appearance but with what you bring to the table. in today's society I personally feel that people judge on appearance and stereotypes and when its inflicted upon certain stereotypes more than others it really hits home and becomes a little emotional. Great job really inspirational.
-Erin Napoleon
I really love this story and I can totally relate to it. There were several times as a child and sometimes even as teen when I felt that I was being looked down on because I am African American. Truthfully as a kid, when I had to do projects like that, I colored my people the peach color rather than brown, because to me, it fit in better. I am really glad that you wrote this narrative. It was well written, relatable, and more than anything, inspiring. You really did a fantastic job.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It really gave me hope as an African American female that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to regardless of my ethnicity. It also made me realize how often African Americans are discredited due to this simple fact. I now feel empowered to continue following my dreams and to encourage our community as well. Great job
This is really beautiful. It's great to see that no matter what, you are still pursuing your dreams! I know that you will be very successful in the future, mainly because you're such a strong person and that really is shown in this piece. Amazing job!
It was kind of funny reading this because I identify completely with what you are saying. I know how it feels to think that you aren't good enough for a multitude of reasons. But it was also funny because, out of all of my friends I envision you being one of the most successful ones. You have your priorities in check and you work very hard because I remember multiple times when you did't go to a game because you had to study for a test the next day and although I poked fun I always admired that about you. -Araybia B.
I can definitely relate to the power of the program. I got my confidence when I went through a similar program and I came out of it knowing that I would go far one day. I'm so happy you were able to experience that feeling of encouragement and limitlessness. I really hope that one day you will make a breakthrough in the science field and can look back at your band director to say, "I don't need 'jazz run' to have a brain."
This is was so good ! I'm sure so many other young girls have felt like this before and I am glad that you realized that you are more than your skin tone and have the ability to do anything you put your mind to. This was very inspirational Good Job.
Very inspiring and relatable. We live in a world in which everyone strives to be perfect. We need to do this, but not in the way most people do. Instead of trying to become a replica of those we view as perfect by changing the things about us, we need to strive to be the most perfect us we can be. We need to learn to recognize the unique qualities about ourselves and build upon them, as you have done. We need to accept who we are and let that strengthen us so that we can become wonderful people, as you are.
This was an empowering piece. I feel like racial issues are a tough subject for many people, but it is an issue that is still very much present. I felt your pain. you addressed this issue in a very professional manner and it was well done. great work.
I really like this piece. It's extremely inspirational and honest. I remember when you were yelled at by the teacher. He was and is completely ridiculous. You didn't ever need to take what he said to heart. I love how you've written the way you have overcome your obstacles in life. This is a beautiful blog.
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