He tied his boat off and started to
climb the cliffs. He knew that one had never lived to tell what was behind the
cloud, but still he climbed. Carlos was on an island that everyone knew, but no
one would dare to step onto the island. Myths swarmed through the town about
this island, but he was determined to find out if these myths were true. On the
way up the cliff he heard a cracking noise, but he still climbed. Little did he
know that the cliff was breaking. He looked up and a big rock was headed
straight for him. He moved away quickly. Once all the dust was gone, he looked
where the rock fell and saw a strange little home. Carlos went up to the house
and knocked on the door. A little man answered the door, his name was Ralph.
“How
and why are you here?” Ralph asked.
“I
climbed up the cliff and I wanted to see what was up here.” Carlos replied.
“I
want you to get off my property and off this island in 5 minutes or else” Ralph
said.
“Why”
Carlos said, “I didn’t do anything!”
“GET
OFF THIS ISLAND OR ELSE!” said Ralph and slammed the door. Ralph didn’t care
and kept walking. He walked away wanting to see more, but there was absolutely
nothing. 4 minutes had passed and nothing happed, but Carlos said,
“It’s
already been 5 minutes, the guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” Right
after he said this he heard cracking. He looked down and saw the ground
splitting beneath his feet. He started to run away, but when he stopped the
ground wasn’t breaking. He started walking and heard what seemed to be a gun
shot. He looked behind him and the original little man was shooting at him.
“Why
are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to you?” Carlos screamed.
“You
stepped on my island, you refused to get off, and now you’re dead!” Ralph said.
Carlos ran as fast as he could and the ground was again splitting. He saw that
Ralph did something to the ground that Carlos couldn’t see. He ran and ran
until he heard no more shooting. He looked behind him and he was gone. Out of
breath, Carlos realized he was at the beach he sailed onto. He remembered that
his bottle of water was in there. He sat in his boat wondering what happened.
He had so many questions on what happened.
“Why
was he chasing me? Why did he want to kill me? How did he make the ground split
right underneath me?’ He went home with questions unanswered. He stepped into
his house and was glad to be home. Almost every night after this day he had
nightmares about the little man finding him. He still managed to tell the story
to his kids and their kids about that day he will never forget.
12 comments:
Your title perfectly fits your story. This adventure was very unique and interesting. I liked how mysterious you made the island. I also enjoyed how you extended the story to after Carlos left the island. That last paragraph gave your story a great ending. Nice job.
wow hannah. your story is really intresting. i couldnt stop reading it over and over again. i like how you explained the island how there were myths on it. that made the island very mystierous. and i like the ending how he tells his story to his kids and their kids at night. thats something adults dont really do when something terrible was about to happen to them. good job (:
I very much enjoyed reading your story. It was full of suspense and mystery. I wonder who the little man was and why he acted in such a way, but I guess it will always remain a mystery. Your use of imagery also helped make the story seem realistic, as I could experience what Carlos was doing and feeling. Good job.
Now I am really curious to find out what Ralph was trying to hide. At first he sounded like a typical, grouchy old man. But, after he made the ground split, I certainly became suspicious. This was a great short story; it was intriguing, original, and exciting. Nice job!
-Christina Tapia
This story truly reveals a “mysterious adventure.” The plot followed a strange myth that remains unexplained. I like how you strategically made everything in the story work together, the abandoned island, the curious main character, and the unusual island resident. This piece came off to me as very creative and well thought of; however, the only thing that I would suggest is the confusion between Ralph and Carlos. I had to reread the statements following “GET OFF THIS ISLAND OR ELSE” because it seemed to me odd that Ralph didn’t care about what just happened. I would just a bit of revision in that paragraph. Other than that, this is a great story(:
I liked how your story ended, and how there was myths in the story. Great job.
-Justin H. Period: 5
This was definitely a cliff hanger and I wish there were more! I must say I love mystery stories with no real answers at the end it keeps the reader guessing what everything was really about and it becomes a fun puzzle to decide how it ends. Short, sweet, and to the point I felt that you were able to get a lot in without over doing the story, wonder piece!
-Rachael R. Rubalcava
whoa, I love the detail put in this piece of work. It truly was a mysterious adventure!Loved the story. Great job :) -Alexis Chiong period 6
I liked how you didn't end the blog with a traditional explanation to the mystery. I was hooked by the first paragraph. Suspense was added with the repetition of "but" and made me want to keep reading.
Great story Hannah. It was really exciting and interesting.
At first I thought no one went to the island because Ralph lived there and everyone thought he was a huge jerk- which he is- and didn't want to talk to him, but turns out the dudes got some crazy ground powers! Is Ralph hiding something? Why would Ralph be shooting? What makes Carlos so curious from the other islanders? Very mysterious, Hannah, very mysterious indeed. You know how to make a cliff hanger.
Great story I loved how it remained a mystery at the end. I did not expect him to get right back at the beach so quickly.
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