"How to Time Travel" by Kevin M

*Warning, minor math and physics*

            Time Traveling has been something I have wanted to do for a while, and after a bit of research, I have found HOW TO TIME TRAVEL. Crazy, right? And the best part is that it’s free. While I do have this knowledge, I have not found much use for it, so I will share this research with you, my reader, and hope you can find a practical use for this power. So without further ado, I give you the one step process to travel through time.

1. Do nothing.

            Amazing right? You are already traveling through time, and depending on how fast you read, you could be almost thirty seconds in the future from the point when you started reading my “how to” guide. Everybody and everything is already traveling through time. However, this isn’t fun or powerful. If you want time travel where you can enter a different time than somebody else, then you’ll need to do something else. However, by using the laws of “Special Relativity” this is still possible and simple. Here is the guide on how to travel backwards in time. Follow every step very carefully.

1. Move

            Space and time affect each other. The faster you move the slower time will pass for you, so if you were to go for a walk around the block while your brother or sister stayed home, when you got back you would be around three femtoseconds younger than your sibling, depending on the size of your block and speed you walk. Three femtoseconds is 3*10^-15 seconds, or .000000000000003 seconds. Pretty cool, but I know, as well as other lazy people, that walking is difficult and tiring, and not all of us have the time to go for a walk, which is funny since taking a walk sends you back in time so no more using that excuse. So I have one more simple way to time travel. Pay close attention.

1.     Stand up

Gravity also affects the passage of time. More gravity means slower passage of time. If you ever work for NASA you will notice that clocks on satellites are slower than clocks on earth, but still sync up. This is because the lower gravity makes their time faster, so the slower clock keeps them always with the correct time. Although we can’t easily send people to space to time travel, gravity gets weaker the further away from something you get, so if you stand up your feet will be further back in time than your head. This means if you stand up while your friend lies down, your brain will travel faster through time than theirs. The amount of time your brain will be older than their brain is measured in, you guessed it, femtoseconds. It’ll take about one minute for your brain to travel one femtosecond faster than your friends, that’s fourteen zeros after the decimal in case you were unsure.

      If you want to time travel more than a few femtoseconds faster or slower than the people and things around you, I am sorry to say that we do not have access to technology that can do that since it would require negative energy, which is impossible. I am sorry if you were hoping to go see dinosaurs or your great great grandchildren after reading this “How to” article, but cheer up. You read this paper, which means you are now a few minutes into the future from the point you started. Allow me to be the first person the welcome you to the future… and no, we do not have robot butlers yet.

      I would like to thank minutephysics for helping me get this information and allowing me to write this “How to” article for people. I would also like to thank Mr. Schaina, a physics and calculus teacher at Etiwanda who taught me and made it so that I actually understood what I was talking about and for double-checking my facts when Sean thought I was wrong.