"Four Years" by Shaefer T

September 12, 2013
High school.
How could I even begin to summarize that to someone in one concise answer?
Truthfully, I couldn’t. Summarizing my experience at high school would be like trying to answer
the infamous question of “What is the meaning of life?”
It’s almost impossible, am I right?
In all four years, I can honestly say that I’ve made friends, lost friends, had my heart broken, had
the urging feeling to pull my hair out, and had the desire to disappear.
I can, however, also say that I’ve learned so much, grown so much, and challenged myself to
new levels. Yet, I still can’t say I’m proud of who I am.
The sad truth is, I live in a society of teenagers where sadness is normal. Even suicide and
self infliction is a norm. It’s sad, yes, but it’s the truth.

However, I think we all have felt a new level of sadness, disappointment, and struggle. Ever
since I’ve entered high school, I felt a change internally since freshman year and up to now. I’ve
looked at the world in a different perspective. I become more impacted by things and it’s as if I
can actually feel the pain that I hear about or that I observe in my surroundings.
By the end of the day, I always find myself pondering about the little things that occur in my life. I
used to just let every day pass and put a smile on my face because nothing ever really seemed
that bad for me. Even though, ironically, I had more serious problems then, than I do now...but I
won’t go into detail about that.

Now that I’m older, it seems as if different situations just impact me more. I know I was happier
then than I am now. And I never really figured out what it was that made me happy all
this time
I’ve been trying to find that source of happiness again and
I still haven’t figured it out.
Writing this now, it saddens me to realize that I’m running out of time. I’m running out of youth. I
mean, I turn eighteen in three weeks! I graduate in 9 months…I will be in college this time next
year with a whole new batch of strangers.
And all I can think is, “Am I ready?”
Others would argue that I am, but I would very much disagree. I’m scared, and I’m lost, and I’m
confused on what I want to do and where I want to go. I have an idea of what I need to dobut
that’s the safe path. I know what I want to do, but there’s so many factors holding me back...
Trying to explain my thoughts and feelings to my parents is the most difficult thing in the world. I
know many of you would say to me that I should just follow my heart and try to achieve my
dreams. And yes, I could do that. But I don’t have the strength or courage in me to completely
defy my parents. They’ve worked their butts off for me and I know how difficult it must be for
them to deal with me, a spoiled, upper middle class, teenage girl.

In my life, I’ve made so many mistakes in what I’ve said or what I’ve done. I end up hurting people
if I say the wrong thing or say it the wrong way, and that actually ends up hurting me. I know I’m
not perfect, nor can I please everyone but I don’t think anyone could ever possibly understand
how much it hurts for me to upset others, especially those I care most about.
And even with those arguments where I lose communication with people, we end up resolving
our disputes, because we know keeping our relationship is more important. But college is just
around the corner. Our future is around the corner. Time is flying so fast that it makes my head
dizzy just trying to keep up with it.
It’s not just the fact that I’m leaving or moving on with my life. It’s the fact that we all are leaving
and moving on with our lives, and we’re moving on in different directions. It’s very true that after
high school, you only stay friends with about a third of the people you’ve met in high school. I
know it may not seem like a big deal to others. I know we all meet new people anyway. But when
you’re an only child like me, your friends become your family. And I’ve got to say, as small as my
“family” is right now, they’re the best family I could ever have. It makes me so completely and
utterly disappointed and upset that this is all ending. My parents have always told me time and
time again, that high school was the best four years of their lives. I never believed them.
However, writing this now, and knowing I’m almost done with these four years I wholeheartedly
agree.

It’s hard to explain to you all how I feel or who I think I am, because these are all thoughts that I’ve
had for these past four years already. However, as a music lover, it is only fitting to tell you the
lyrics to “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and The Heart would be the best way to explain how
I’ve felt for these years and how I feel now.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m sentimental and nostalgic, or because I feel like I hold a lot of love
in my heart, but I can say I enjoyed high school despite the tiresome obstacles it comes with. But
to my friends...I love you all. To my teachers and friends: whether or not we we see each other
again, I just want to thank you all for making high school one of the best experiences I’ve had up
to this point.

I don’t know where I’ll be, or where any of us will be in say, ten years. I only hope that God will
lead me to my promised land and guide me when I need strength.
And to everyone reading this, I hope the same for you as well.
So to the seniors reading this, enjoy everything now. I know we’ve been waiting for the end, but
when it’s said and done, we’re going to reflect back on our days here and our days in our youth.

Even in all the fatigue, stress,and sadness, there is always a shining moment there somewhere.
It might just be buried ten feet deeper than you’d expect. Just remember you can never get this
point in time back again once it’s done with.

And as Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in
a while, you might miss it.”