“Do not let fear control you” is a phrase I know well, a phrase I live by. However, I found that I let fear control me in certain situations, which can alter the truth behind this ideology. In the beginning of my sophomore year of high school I had a choir assignment. I did not think much of it, as it was simply requiring a video recording of myself singing a song of my choice. At this time in my life, I had extreme fear of singing in front of others, but was able to record myself singing with ease. I decided to record myself singing the song “My Future,” by Billie Eilish. On the second take, I found it good enough to submit simply expecting feedback from my choir teacher and nothing more. The next few days or so after submitting I received the “submission comment” notification on canvas. I was excited to finally receive input from someone who knows music well. I recall the comment complimenting my tone and overall performance while recommending that I focus on having less of an “airy” sound. I was glad to know that I did relatively well. A week or so after submitting this assignment, my choir teacher notified the class of a concert that we will be having. She went on to note that it will be a solo concert and individuals will be performing if they are chosen after auditions. My teacher had also written down names of individuals who she recommended to participate in this concert based on what she heard in our video submissions. With the list in hand, she reads to the class the people she hoped to see participate in this solo concert. Despite doubt, I had a feeling that my name would be on that list. She went on listing the few people, and read off my name. I was flattered, but full of doubt on whether or not it was meant for me to sing this solo. The fear I felt simply thinking of the fact that I would be on a stage, alone, with all eyes on me was excessive. As fearful as I was, I knew that I would need to work on my ability to perform. My passion was stronger than any fear I had at that moment and I decided to go for it. I let my teacher know and, with a smile on her face, she checked off my name. A couple of weeks had passed and it was time for me to sing this song in front of the class. I had the option to use a soundtrack, but decided to have our pianist play the piano as I sang. With shaky hands and running thoughts I walked up next to the piano and began to sing. At this moment, it was hard to regulate my breathing and I was trying to avoid eye contact. I stared at the sheet music as I sang the song, hoping this would make time fly by just a little faster. I was extremely quiet and my confidence was not very high and that affected my overall performance. But I knew deep down that I was capable of performing. I was able to get through the entire song, and felt proud of myself. This was an immense step in the right direction. A few weeks passed, and the concert day arrived. With countless rehearsals and reassurance from family, I felt prepared enough to perform. I was scheduled as the third soloist of the evening and, despite the fear and doubt in my mind, my passion for performing was stronger than ever. I walked up to the stage, introduced myself and informed the audience that I will be singing “My Future” by Billie Eilish. As I began singing, I had a rocky start, but was able to get through it. After the concert, I was extremely hard on myself and my performance. I knew that I did not perform as well as I practiced, due to nerves, and felt ashamed. However, as I was on that stage I realized how truly enjoyable it was to be able to sing in front of an audience. Knowing that you can do what you love and others can be there to enjoy it too made this moment just that much more meaningful. As scared as I was, and as shaky as I sounded, I knew that with practice I could perform better. This very moment led me to go for any solo concert opportunity I could get, and I am now able to continue practicing stage presence. To this day, I still struggle with fear before getting on stage. However, I know that the passion I have for performing will be stronger than any fears. I would not be where I am today if I allowed myself to be controlled by the immense fear I felt. Throughout my life, music has always been apparent. But, the moment I stopped letting my fears control me was the moment I realized the true power of music.
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