Poor mental health is something I have known for as long as I can remember. If it wasn’t my own it was the people’s closest to me. My family has a history of various mental illnesses such as ADHD, anxiety, depression etc. I started struggling with my mental health in elementary school. Throughout my years of elementary school I was picked on and bullied by most of my classmates and the people who were supposed to be my friends. Although the teachers and staff would see this happening and how it was affecting me, there were rarely any consequences given for their actions. This led me to feel as though my feelings were invalid. It got to the point where I never wanted to go to school and would come up with different excuses to avoid going. I can’t say for sure if I was depressed or not because at the time I didn’t even know what it meant.
At the time I didn’t have the best support system at home either. My older sister had multiple undiagnosed health issues that had her in and out of the hospital, and going back and forth to doctors appointments. Because of this my parents were never really there for me to talk to. My mom was always tending to my sister's care and my dad was working overtime to make money to pay the medical bills. I know they did the best they could with the situations that were handed to them, but it led to me not getting the support I needed from them to get through all the problems I was facing. I also didn’t have the best relationship with my sister at the time, due to the fact that she was never home, and if she was she never felt good enough to spend time with me. This made me feel very isolated and in a way unloved by the people who were supposed to be there for me the most.
Fast forward a few years to high school. I had an amazing group of friends who loved me and supported me unconditionally. School was going great and I had teachers who were always there for me. I was the happiest and healthiest I had ever been. Then covid came and I fell into a dark, depressive state due to the isolation. I found that my mental health made it very difficult to complete everyday tasks and to stay motivated in school. I think it's safe to say that for a lot of people, quarantine took a toll on the state of our mental health.
When I finally built up the courage to open up about how I was feeling and tried to get professional help, I was told that I was just “grieving the loss of social interaction” by my psychiatrist. No further action was taken and I was to believe that everything was fine and the feelings I was experiencing were just temporary.
It's been two years since quarantine and it’s safe to say that those feelings were not “just temporary”. My mental health is still something I struggle with every day. At times it can make it incredibly difficult, near impossible to live a normal day to day life. When it started to get almost unmanageable, I reached out for help again, and I am so glad I did. Although in the past I was told my feelings were invalid, I gave it another shot. I recently started seeing a therapist, as well as meeting with a different psychiatrist, and making my mental health one of my top priorities. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety. It is so nice to finally know that the way I felt was not just in my head and that my feelings are valid.
Although it has been challenging to grow up in these conditions, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I feel as though it has helped shape me into the person I am today. Going through what I have has led me to be more considerate of other people’s feelings, as well as being more compassionate towards others. I now know what different warning signs to look for in my friends and family such as irregular eating and sleeping, having little energy/motivation, pulling away from people and usual activities, and so many more. It has also led me to be more aware of how to help people going through situations similar to mine.
My goal in writing this was not to make you feel bad for me, but to tell you that you are not alone. Struggling with mental health is not something to be ashamed of, and the way you feel is not your fault. If you are experiencing something similar I urge you to reach out and get help. Getting help does not mean that you are weak and it shouldn’t be looked down upon. It takes an incredible amount of strength and courage to try to get better. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and should not be neglected.
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