Ever since I was little I was glued to your hip, everywhere you went I came along. You were my best friend, my go to support system. Any little thing that happened in my life I called you instantly whether it was a new doll I had gotten or every detail about a boy I liked. I could not make a single decision without knowing your opinion. It didn’t matter if it was picking out every school outfit I wore or what kind of makeup to wear I can always count on you. I remember watching you paint your nails or even just sitting there watching you cook. Spending hours finishing crossword puzzles on your Hello Kitty clipboard. You did the little things like wake me up everyday for school and be there when I got home and to hear every detail about my day. As a child I was obsessed with butterflies and you would always tell me I was a beautiful butterfly that can have the freedom to go anywhere I wanted in life. You taught me to be strong and that I was capable of achieving any goal I wanted. I don’t think I could have survived everything I went through during my childhood, if you weren’t there to hold my hand and tell me I was going to be okay and rise above my struggles. Even when it felt like I had half of two people as parents, you made sure I got the love of 100. I don’t think there could ever be a way to express everything you did for my sisters and I. Everyday you loved us wholeheartedly and protected us against everything and anyone.
One halloween I came home, and my world changed. You got sick, and slowly I was losing the most important person to me. The next 15 month you battled a war that eventually you got tired of. It would have been selfish of me to ask you to keep fighting, but I knew you were tired. Up until the last moment I begged for a miracle. Then in a blink of an eye, you became an angel watching over me. I would do anything to hear your voice and to feel your touch. It has been 2 years and I truly don’t think I’ll ever be the same, nobody could ever take your place or come even close to what you mean to me. You are the reason I am the person I am today. I think about you everyday, say things you say, do little things like obsess over the color purple like you did. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine watching those morning games shows like “Let’s Make a Deal” and “The Price is Right''. I sit there and laugh hearing your voice about how you would always say you could win the big prizes because you were too smart for the games. It breaks me to think about how you won’t be there to see my life. How you won’t be watching me graduate from high school and college, watch me walk down the aisle at my wedding, or be by my side when I have children of my own. That when I turn my head to look for you during the most important moments of my life, you won’t be there. Then every once in a while I see a butterfly fly past me, it is always the same color and looks exactly the same every time. It always happens during times I think about how I can need you. I saw you fly by the day after my first real heartbreak, when I got my driver license, outside my window when applying to college, or even days when I just needed you, I see that you are with me. Sometimes I think I am crazy to believe it's really you, but something inside me just feels your presence when it happens. I remember that even though you are not physically here with me, you are always around watching me and protecting me like you always did. You were more than a grandma to me, you are forever my Mama. My angel. My butterfly.
18 comments:
I cried reading this. Lauryn, this was beautiful and I know how hard it is to lose someone who meant more than the world to you. I hope you know that she is watching over you and she is super proud of the woman you have become.
Lauryn, thank you for sharing this piece of yourself with us, its beautifully emotional and reminds us that every second matters. I remember when my dad passed he gave me a book called "Wherever you are my love will find you" by Nancy Tillman that talks about feeling reminders of passed loved ones through objects and occurrences, similar to your butterfly. I think its a beautiful book and would highly recommend reading it if you ever feel a strong sense of grief.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece of your life, you are so strong and I believe that she is and will always be with you watching everyone of your important moments. It's beautiful that you have something that reminds you of her.She is and will always be proud of your achievements and the person you grow up to be. Thank you again for sharing.
Lauryn, this piece was so outstanding it was portrayed so beautifully filled with emotion. Thank you for putting yourself out there with this story it was just amazing! I can really relate to how it feels when you lose someone and you just portrayed it so well!
Thank you so much for opening up like this. It was so beautifully written and really hit home for me. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I don't doubt it made you a stronger person today.
The way you talk about her gotta be one of the prettiest and most poetic way I have ever heard someone talk about their grandma... I'm sure she's watching over you with her chest swell with pride :)
This was the most beautiful piece of writing I have ever read. The structure, the emotions, the memories.... it was perfect. I was holding back my tears like 5 times because the more I read the more beautiful it was. When I look at you, you are always smiling and laughing. Just being the pretty girl that you are, I didn't know that you were feeling this way. I am very sure that you are making her so proud and for as long as you live, a butterfly will continue to appear throughout your journey in life.
Aw Lauryn this was so beautiful. I know how much your grandma means to you and the love you guys have for each other was so evident and everyone in the room could see it. She was a wonderful woman and I'm so glad I got to meet her. I know she looks out for you and is so proud of the person you're becoming <3
Lauren, your piece was so heartfelt and emotional. The way your beautifully wrote your piece and conveying your emotions throughout. I am truly proud of your growth, as it is extremely difficult to lose someone. I hope your days are filled with happiness as your remember your loved one. Again, amazing piece, and I am sorry for your loss.
I loved how you conveyed such strong emotions throughout your writing and how beautifully you described your grandma. I know that she will continue to support you with great pride as a beautiful butterfly.
This was absolutely beautiful, Lauryn. I love the decision to write the piece to your grandma instead of about her, I was really able to feel your emotion this way. Thank you for sharing your story!
This piece was very heartfelt. I know how tough the loss of a loved one is and I can't imagine losing my grandma at this time in life. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece, hope you see a butterfly again soon.
I felt every word from this piece. I lost my grandma in 2015 and although I can’t say it gets better, I will say that it does get easier. No matter what when we lose someone so close we can’t help but feel so heartbroken. I hope that your journey gets easier, thank you for sharing this with us.
I love the metaphor you chose for this piece and the anecdotes you described with her, it adds so much depth to your story!
This piece was beautifully written and the emotions that went into creating this were very clear with the amount of details you used to describe the very close relationship you had with your grandma. The connection you made with the butterfly at the end of your piece was also very heartwarming to read.
This is so incredibly touching and raw...I felt so many emotions reading it and was reminded of my own grandmother. Your grandma seemed to be such a wonderful person and i’m so sorry for your loss! :( I know it must have been hard. Like you said, she’s an angel now watching over you and know that she’s always with you at heart <3
Thank you Lauryn so much for this beautiful tribute. I have a beautiful understanding of your relationship based on your words and the love you exhibit through them.
Lauren, this was a very beautiful piece, and I could feel the love you had for your grandma from your writing. The way you described her support and care for you was absolutely well done, and it made me tear up. I am sorry for your loss, and I know that your grandma is watching over you and is proud of you. Thank you for sharing!!!
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