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Monday, September 28, 2020

"A message to my Grandma" by Kendra A

  

It was the Summer of 2010 that the lives of so many looked tragedy straight in the face. Life was so beautiful where it seemed almost as if everything was perfect, until suddenly it wasn't. As our family went from camping trips, pool parties, cook outs and boating, to hospitals, funerals, and tears, our world felt as if it came crashing down. Saying goodbye to someone you love is one of the most difficult things we will ever have to do in our lives. Although at the time, my youth blocked me out from all the bad, all I remember was giving my grandma a silly painting and giving her hugs while she lay in a hospital bed. Being told “grandma is a little sick right now”, I never expected that to be my last time ever seeing her.  Not thinking grandma wouldn’t be around no more, I thought nothing of it and questioned all the tears that came along from my family. As I realize now, my grandma was near death and I had no clue or idea that she was slowly going to be with God. My grandma was everything to me where she was the cool, older sister that I never had. Always sneaking around makeup for me, dancing our hearts out, or a lap to sit on whenever I needed to. So many amazing childhood memories, where my grandma was a part of them all. As I go through old pictures, looking back on those beautiful times, I wonder why she did what she did. I wonder why she had to ruin something that was so pure and perfect, and why she had to leave this world so soon. You seemed so happy grandma, how could you let addiction get in the way of that? You left a room full of people, looking at your casket, with not one dry eye in the place. Many years passed by before I was old enough to understand the real reason why you are no longer here with us today. I never imagined that to be the case, and I never imagined I would feel such anger towards you. How could you do this to us? You had friends that were there for you, you had family that loved you more than anything, and you had a husband who was crazy about you. As time passes on, I have learned to accept what has been done and to live with peace in my heart knowing that you are now in a better place. I pray that you are up above watching over us at all times, and that wherever you may be, you are happy. So many times, I have felt this anger rise up in me, as if almost a form of hatred. I never understood how someone you love can just betray you like that, but we are all living in a world full of people wearing masks. We never know the true story of everything, and a lot of the time, things are not always the way they seem to be. My grandma seemed so happy, but a whole hidden dark side to her that eventually engulfed her entire body leaving us here today without her beautiful soul. Wherever you may be right now grandma, I am here to tell you that I am not mad. I love you so dearly and wish everyday that you were still here with us. I wonder how different life would be and if things would be better in a way. Although you went to fly high with the angels grandma, just know that we miss you down here and can’t wait till we meet again.

d almost as if everything was perfect, until suddenly it wasn't. As our family went from camping trips, pool parties, cook outs and boating, to hospitals, funerals, and tears, our world felt as if it came crashing down. Saying goodbye to someone you love is one of the most difficult things we will ever have to do in our lives. Although at the time, my youth blocked me out from all the bad, all I remember was giving my grandma a silly painting and giving her hugs while she lay in a hospital bed. Being told “grandma is a little sick right now”, I never expected that to be my last time ever seeing her.  Not thinking grandma wouldn’t be around no more, I thought nothing of it and questioned all the tears that came along from my family. As I realize now, my grandma was near death and I had no clue or idea that she was slowly going to be with God. My grandma was everything to me where she was the cool, older sister that I never had. Always sneaking around makeup for me, dancing our hearts out, or a lap to sit on whenever I needed to. So many amazing childhood memories, where my grandma was a part of them all. As I go through old pictures, looking back on those beautiful times, I wonder why she did what she did. I wonder why she had to ruin something that was so pure and perfect, and why she had to leave this world so soon. You seemed so happy grandma, how could you let addiction get in the way of that? You left a room full of people, looking at your casket, with not one dry eye in the place. Many years passed by before I was old enough to understand the real reason why you are no longer here with us today. I never imagined that to be the case, and I never imagined I would feel such anger towards you. How could you do this to us? You had friends that were there for you, you had family that loved you more than anything, and you had a husband who was crazy about you. As time passes on, I have learned to accept what has been done and to live with peace in my heart knowing that you are now in a better place. I pray that you are up above watching over us at all times, and that wherever you may be, you are happy. So many times, I have felt this anger rise up in me, as if almost a form of hatred. I never understood how someone you love can just betray you like that, but we are all living in a world full of people wearing masks. We never know the true story of everything, and a lot of the time, things are not always the way they seem to be. My grandma seemed so happy, but a whole hidden dark side to her that eventually engulfed her entire body leaving us here today without her beautiful soul. Wherever you may be right now grandma, I am here to tell you that I am not mad. I love you so dearly and wish everyday that you were still here with us. I wonder how different life would be and if things would be better in a way. Although you went to fly high with the angels grandma, just know that we miss you down here and can’t wait till we meet again.

38 comments:

Samantha Galarza said...

Kendra that was an amazing letter! I am so sorry for your loss! I experienced the loss of my great grandmother who I was very close with as well. I am glad that you have been able to accept what has happened to your grandma, and that you will always continue to love her and hold her memory close in your heart.

Sereya Abdouch said...

Kendra this is beautiful. First I am so sorry for your loss. But this is amazing. I love how you were so vulnerable and open about your pain. Your diction was emotional and I loved how you carried the comparison of the pain as a child to the anger that you have now throughout the whole writing. It was fantastic how you used the rhetorical questions and directly addressed your grandma as if she would be the only one reading this. Gorgeous writing!
- Sereya Abdouch (period 4)

Zhenwei Gao said...

Hi kendra, thank you for sharing this heartfelt message with all of us. It made me realize that I should show more love and appreciation to my grandparents, who are both in their 90s. Though I did not have a loved one passing away from addiction, I did have a friend who passed away due to depression and other mental illnesses. It breaks my heart thinking about our good memories together. When I was first made aware about it, like you, I immediately asked: Why would you do this? You know how heartbreaking it is for the rest of us? I also placed blame on myself. But just as you said, I hope he flew high with the angels and is having a good time. We will forever miss you...

- Zhenwei Gao

Hailey Hillstock said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Kendra. This letter was so heartfelt and beautiful, I can tell you made this very personal. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, and even harder as you grow older and the memories and pain still resides. I am happy that you were able to grow from this experience and hope you will always keep the memories from when she was here until you guys meet again. In terms of your writing, the detail, imagery, rhetorical questions, and emotion you brought to the letter was spot on and really made me feel as if you were speaking to your grandma directly.

Paulina Jimenez said...

Kendra, that was absolutely beautiful, First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss, I am sure your grandma was as perfect as you say she is, and that she is looking down on you every single moment. You are stronger than you realize, because not many people are willing to expose their vulnerabilities and pain, but you did it and it was breathtaking. I love the way you reminisced and used diction while doing so, it caused a huge emotional appeal on your story. Thank you for sharing this.

Karis Gold said...

This was wonerfully written Kendra! I agree that youth can sometimes shield us from the full impact of certain events, whether or not that's a good or bad thing is debatable. I am so sorry for your loss but I'm sure your grandma would love this letter!

Ashley Inocencio said...

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing about this loss. It is truly hard to go through something so terrible as this. You were vulnerable and were able to talk about it and that shows strength. You talked about grief and what it can do to a person, the anger, sadness, and acceptance. Beautiful work.
- Ashley Inocencio (p.1)

Raymund Lillo said...

I want to start off by saying that I really appreciate your courage for sharing something so personal with us all. The loss of anyone we hold close to our heart can cause such a heavy toll and you described your emotions the way many of us have felt when grieving over a loss. I am glad you have found peace with your grandmother's passing and when the time comes you will once again reunite. Once again thanking you for sharing

Jesse Ortiz said...

Wow, this is truly a heartfelt and beautiful message. This is one of those writings where you can instantly tell that this came directly from the heart, and that you meant every single letter, word, and punctuation marks here that truly make up this letter. The detail and imagery really allow us, the readers, to get a glimpse of unimaginable emotions that were felt at the time. I am so sorry for your loss. Excellent writing!

Kayla Macasinag said...

This is wonderfully well written and thank you for sharing this story. I can feel the close relationship you probably had with with your grandmother. That is very brave of you to share this with us. It was amazing.

Kayla Macasinag (p.1)

Kiyah Brown said...

Hello Kendra, this message to your grandma was deeply profound and sincere...I want to thank you for sharing your story. This truly was beautifully written! The way you addressed your grandmother as if she was there showed how you were willing to be vulnerable and accentuates the emotions and stages of grief that you felt. I know that your grandma is proud of who you've become and how much you've grown!

Jaeden Alo said...

Hello Kendra, first off I would like to say I am sorry for your loss. This was truly a beautiful piece of work and was amazingly written. Family is a big thing in my way of thinking and life, and I can see that you think the same way. The imagery and detail you portrayed in your writing brought out emotions in everyone reading it. Thank you for sharing, it was beautiful!

Caitlyn Jane S Basa said...

I loved your letter to your grandma! You can tell how close you guys were as a family and how much she is missed and appreciated. I'm sorry for your lost, but I'm sure she is so proud of you and who you are becoming! Thank you for sharing this amazing story.

Lydia Brown said...

Kendra, this was so beautiful. I am so sorry about what happened to your grandma and thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I know it must have been really hard, especially if it is someone that you are so close too. I am sure that she is very proud of what you are doing right now and will forever be by your side until you are both reunited.

Anonymous said...

Amazing job! We so often forget the emotion that comes with communication. It is so hard to read things like this, because it is so upsetting to hear about such bad things like this happening to such good people. We keep finding a way to succeed though, and I hope you got to vent a bit to classmates that want to have your back. Excellent job with the story. I am very sorry for your loss, but you don't have to be, and I can almost guarantee you that this would be what she wanted for you too. Keep living your life to the fullest, no matter what the hardship is, stay safe, but most importantly of all, stay strong!!!

William James Smith III

Jordan Nugroho said...

This was very well written piece of work that truly shows the emotions that you went through as you grieved for your grandmother. I can tell that the letter was very heartfelt and personal to you and I am glad that you were able to learn to come to terms with this sort of tragedy. I am very sorry for your loss and glad you shared this.

Elyana Steih said...

Hi Kendra, this is such a beautiful piece. I am sorry for your loss, I can tell how much you loved her. Your descriptions of your memories with your grandma further showed your vulnerability and created a sense of connection with the reader. Thank you for sharing your story.

Enrico Del Rosario said...

Raw, honest, and touching; please believe me when I tell you that your grandma is so, very proud of you. This is very telling of you as a person, and living proof that times gives people clarity and closure even in the darkest of times. Although our experiences are not completely the same, I just wanted to thank you for writing this earnest letter, and allowing me to meet the vulnerable side of Kendra A :)

Luvly Lopez said...

This letter was written beautifully thank you so much for openly sharing your loss of a loved one and the emotional toll that took on you. Your letter was wonderfully written, other than your vulnerability demonstrated, I also loved how you dove into the oblivion you being young had on you, believing your grandmother was "just sick" and not fully grasping what happened until you got older. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm sure your grandma is extremely proud of the woman you are :)

Diego Kontorovsky said...

First off let me say that this piece of work was beautiful, your strong imagery and words really pulls emotions from the audience. I am so very sorry for your loss, no one can understand the pain of loss, but you are still strong enough to write about it, I am sure your grandma is looking down with a smile on her face. She is so proud of you, thank you for sharing!

Melissa Torres said...

This letter was beautiful. Your grandma would be very proud of the wonderful writer you have become. Although we may not know each other, I am glad you have had extended family who care about you deeply. The anecdotes you brought up really enhanced your letter and definitely made it more heartfelt:)))) excellent work

Jessica Huang said...

This was such a touching piece. You display great maturity while reflecting upon the ignorance of youth by choosing to write this in the perspective of your current self, as a reflection on the past. The way in which you describe the small fragments of memories you had with her makes your relationship with her makes the whole piece feel so much more real and tangible. I can see all of the stages of grief in your piece, which shows how deeply this has affected you, but also how much you have grown as a person since then. Thank you for sharing!

Jessica Huang

Jonathan Recomanta said...

A well-crafted and heartrending piece of writing. The way death and grief can so suddenly rip someone from their peaceful reality is perfectly put on display here. In maturation came an understanding that you perhaps did not want to have, one that ripped you from reality in the same way that your grandmother's passing had once done. The impulse of anger and hatred ending in kindhearted sympathy is a testament to your strength. Forgiving is no easy task and a journey that takes a great deal of time to fully achieve. I admire that you took the time to endure that journey and came out, to whatever extent that may be, a more wholehearted individual.

Emily Berdeja said...

Hey Ken! This letter was so beautifully written. As I read it, I felt the closeness you clearly had with your grandmother and also felt your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open-hearted with your words and vividly honoring your Grandma's beautiful life. Amazing job! <3

Kailee Mark said...

Your writing is wonderful and so emotionally compelling; I almost cried while reading your recollection of your childhood memories with your grandma, and how you and your emotions evolved over time. It is definitely not easy to be vulnerable and reveal one's innermost thoughts and emotions, and I admire your strength in sharing with us. Thank you for telling your story.

Morgan McDonnell said...

This piece is absolutely beautiful, Kendra! I lost two of my grandparents in 2010 as well, and I completely relate to how you feel. Your genuine, raw emotion is truly compelling. The way you switch in and out of directly asking your grandmother questions to explaining your own reflection and acknowledgement creates an amazing sense of growth and honesty. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful message with all of us!
-Morgan McDonnell

Unknown said...

This letter is amazingly heartbreaking, and it perfectly encapsulates some of the stages of grief that people go through after losing a loved one, like the anger that they would leave in such a way, the sadness and longing for their return, and the acceptance that they have moved on. This letter is so heartfelt and it makes me sad just reading it.
-Mark Jensen

Charmaine Luciano said...

Kendra, I am so sorry for your loss. Your story was so raw and beautifully written and it’s amazing to see your vulnerability. I’m glad that you’ve learned to let go of your anger, accept this experience, and continue to show love towards your grandma. I know she is so proud of you for sharing this touching message.

Anonymous said...

Samuel Griffin

Kendra, I felt like I related to this a lot! I’m so sorry for your loss. Recently I lost my great grandfather, who I felt was my biggest fan in my life. It felt like I had lost a part of who I was, but I later realized he’s always gonna be with me! I remember feeling lots of hatred and anger, along with a ton of unanswered questions, like why him? I’m so proud of what you’ve gotten through throughout this journey!

Kaitlyn Edmundson said...

First off, I want to say I really respect you for being so vulnerable in your letter. I really relate to how you felt and how at times, it feels like the world is crashing down around you. I definitely get where you're coming from as far as having anger since it's one of the easiest things to during the grieving process. I'm really glad you've found peace and eventually you were able to forgive your grandma.

Dianna Villasenor said...

Your piece was amazing, Kendra, as it felt as if I was experiencing your emotion and tragedy with the beautiful composure of your work. The memories described added to the emotion, which was very well thought-out. The asking of questions created an added experience of imagery, along with the small stories in the piece (especially the sneaking of makeup). The child-like innocence that was portrayed throughout, along with the correlation of the questions and tragedy, enveloped the entire story. A great job.
- Dianna Villasenor

Michaiah Stanford said...

I loved how you started out by describing how you viewed the life of your grandma to be so perfect from the perspective of when you were younger. The way you wrote this I could feel the feelings you had for your grandma for being so in-depth. As viewed from when you were older you started to question why your grandma would have an addiction that would ruin her life. Not only that I liked how you mentioned how we all relate to losing someone and it can be really difficult. I was glad to read that you finally forgave your grandmother and you wish her well.

-Michaiah Stanford

Michaiah Stanford said...

I loved how you started out by describing how you viewed the life of your grandma to be so perfect from the perspective of when you were younger. The way you wrote this I could feel the feelings you had for your grandma for being so in-depth. As viewed from when you were older you started to question why your grandma would have an addiction that would ruin her life. Not only that I liked how you mentioned how we all relate to losing someone and it can be really difficult. I was glad to read that you finally forgave your grandmother and you wish her well.

-Michaiah Stanford

Andrew Abdulkarim said...

Kendra, this was an absolutely amazing piece to read. I would like to first say I am very sorry for your loss, suffering from loss is a very hard process and I hope you are in a better place now. You used great imagery to convey the emotions you wanted to convey and I feel like this piece was just absolutely beautiful. Amazing work!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It takes a lot of growing to forgive someone and you have managed to overcome you anger and fill yourself with love instead. It must be hard and I hope you are at peace now. May your Grandma Rest In Peace.
-Marwa Jamily

Brandon Ochoa said...

Kendra, I found your telling of a loss one to be very awakening in in terms of perspective. I have yet to to endure the grief of losing someone I love but your story of how you mourned your grandmothers death really made me appreciate the people who currently exist in my life. Your recounting of the event and the emotions you felt truly captivated how sinking the grief experienced after losing someone really is.

Angelina Martinez said...

This letter really touched me. I first want to say thank you for sharing this story with us and opening up to us about your grandma. Loss is a very tough situation and I believe you described it perfectly. It is really hard to understand when we were little but it shows how the lives of our grandparents really impact us as we grow old. Your maturity is well spread throughout this piece and I’m 100% sure your grandma is proud. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Isaac Ilano

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know the feeling of a losing a family member, but I do know the feeling of losing someone who you have so many memories with. It's really brave of you to come out and talk about the death of your grandma and I know most people have trouble with this kind of topic. May your grandma Rest In Peace