"The Fool Dressed in Crimson" by Jolyei G

      ThumpThumpThump.​ My heart begins to beat out of my chest as I realize the magnitude of my
situation. I lay paralyzed on the cold forest ground-partly out of pain, partly out of fear- with only the pale moonlight shining through the trees illuminating my field of vision, atop of the plethora of dead, brindle fall leaves and a pool of warm crimson, as I hear the hustle and bustle of nature coupled with the nearby freeway intersection. I use all the energy left inside of me to ponder, still and silent. Ponder how someone could adore me for one second, then ruin me the next. I still remember the brazen, animalistic look in your once caring, angelic green eyes. I lay and begin to weigh which pain hurts more: physical or mental. My consciousness continues to fade in and out and I panic. This cannot be how it ends. I refuse. I grab a leaf and start to trace my eyes over the intricacies of it. At this point I needed to keep myself focused on anything but what I feel, until help arrived. I thank God that I practiced breathing exercises during AP season last year, but nothing could stop me from thinking back on us, and what we used to be... 

     I glanced at you, from a healthy distance of course. My interest in you particularly peaked when I saw you at Goodwill with your good friend. I still remember the happiness in your eyes-what initially attracted me- and I could see you glowing from within. I was terrified to approach you, dear God I wish I trusted my gut. I stopped you before English and began to ramble and ramble,

but you stopped me, grabbed my phone, and put your number in, no questions asked. We texted all day, all night, all the time. It was my addiction, my infatuation, whatever you want to call it. You were magnetic, from your humor, your curiosity about the world, and your loving spirit. We hung out everyday. No matter how trivial the activity was, we could not bear to be apart. The months and months of joy and life we brought each other came to a sudden stop, and I still have no clue why. You checked out mentally. You were void of your humanity. You demanded for me to leave you alone.   But I was foolish. I refused to live with the idea of abandoning you and everything we built. I leeched onto something dying, no scratch that, dead, and tried to revive it with one sided effort. I should have acknowledged your sudden switch in demeanor, and in the way you treated me, but I was foolish, I thought it was love. Love would not have led to this. You finally had enough of my endless efforts.    You finally had enough of me. You grabbed me, restrained me by the very hands and feet you once adored, slammed me on the dirty and barren forest floor as if I were nothing more than weightless cargo, and began to tear away at everything you once coddled. I am ashamed to say you words hurt more than the dagger. The words that contradicted everything you once told me, caused me more pain than you physically ending my life. I wish I would have left well enough alone a year ago, but I was a fool for you. 

      Am I mad for wanting to text you once more? I hate you. I despise you. I loathe you. In my most vulnerable state, dying, I still wish to hear your delicate voice. It is hard to understand what I am feeling in what i know are my last moments. I could ponder about what my life once was, the family, friends, and legacy I am leaving behind, but I cannot help but to feel you were my entire life. I think you still are my entire life. And that terrifies me. I could blame my illogical and

strange thinking on my loss of blood and lack of oxygen flow, but i know for a fact that does not change a single thing. My heart pace is slowed, slowing at the moment along with the growing pool of crimson, and what felt like hours of pondering, was only 7 minutes, according to the watch you gave me for my birthday, shining dimly in the forest light, taunting me. I take one last deep breath and feel my eyelids feel as if there were sandbags on them. My body lays numb and tired on the lonely forest floor and I am thwarted into a hazy dream state, where I could hear the vicious sirens, but could not stop myself from feeling so drained. I lay, in the warm pool of crimson with my eyes shut, feeling cold, defeated, and foolish. ​This is it.