The lights of the city mixed with the full moon reflected off of the rain as it was a mirror.
A young man calling from a call booth in the rain, “ Hello, Holly it's me alexander, I don’t
know what I did wrong and need to know, please, answer me”. Alexander has been best
friends with holly for about 6 months now and they do everything together, It's almost as
if they were in a relationship, over these months there was peace and tranquility. After
awhile many small fights and dumb decisions started to break them down, until the final
straw. 2 weeks ago they went out to a theater to watch a movie, simple right; but it
wasn’t how it seemed.
“Alexander, park here,” said holly, “you need to pay more attention you’re always this oblivious” she gives off a little chuckle, holly was always the type to have those subtle rude things to say but alexander always took it because it’s just how she is. During this hangout alexander was seeing that things were off the whole time, but went along with it, "Hey holly, is everything alright” said Alexander, a bit scared of what she is going to say, “yeah, of course. Why do you care so much?, if something was wrong I would tell you” said holly. Alexander was hurt, confused, just a mix of emotion throughout wondering if he did something wrong, if it was how he said it, or if it's just him. This was a massive change for alexander because, after months of just shunning how he was feeling, he was going to tell her how he felt about their friendship, and how they need to work things out.
As the weeks passed by they started talking less and less like they never crossed paths, they sat around and didn’t say a word to each other, there was no more smiles or laughs. Everything was like they never meet and all the memories disappeared into thin air. Alexander was quite a bit of a soft guy and started to write away to tell her how he feels, how he wants to fix their relationship, many tears and torn up paper sheets spread over his blank empty room. He finally sets on one way to tell her, a single piece of paper, thin, wide-ruled paper. He seals it up into an envelope, writes her name is a weird type of cursive and puts it away until he is ready to give it to her in a wooden drawer.
The more and more time passed it was obvious he was only there for when she wanted to do something, he always asked her to do something or tried to support her and they never did anything. She finally agreed that they should go to the city for new years together. The final night had come, new years eve 1999, the dawn of a new millennium, he took her to the city, around 6 pm to celebrate the new year with her. Once they arrived crystal clear rain started to pour over them and all the rest of the
“Alexander, park here,” said holly, “you need to pay more attention you’re always this oblivious” she gives off a little chuckle, holly was always the type to have those subtle rude things to say but alexander always took it because it’s just how she is. During this hangout alexander was seeing that things were off the whole time, but went along with it, "Hey holly, is everything alright” said Alexander, a bit scared of what she is going to say, “yeah, of course. Why do you care so much?, if something was wrong I would tell you” said holly. Alexander was hurt, confused, just a mix of emotion throughout wondering if he did something wrong, if it was how he said it, or if it's just him. This was a massive change for alexander because, after months of just shunning how he was feeling, he was going to tell her how he felt about their friendship, and how they need to work things out.
As the weeks passed by they started talking less and less like they never crossed paths, they sat around and didn’t say a word to each other, there was no more smiles or laughs. Everything was like they never meet and all the memories disappeared into thin air. Alexander was quite a bit of a soft guy and started to write away to tell her how he feels, how he wants to fix their relationship, many tears and torn up paper sheets spread over his blank empty room. He finally sets on one way to tell her, a single piece of paper, thin, wide-ruled paper. He seals it up into an envelope, writes her name is a weird type of cursive and puts it away until he is ready to give it to her in a wooden drawer.
The more and more time passed it was obvious he was only there for when she wanted to do something, he always asked her to do something or tried to support her and they never did anything. She finally agreed that they should go to the city for new years together. The final night had come, new years eve 1999, the dawn of a new millennium, he took her to the city, around 6 pm to celebrate the new year with her. Once they arrived crystal clear rain started to pour over them and all the rest of the
people. Alexander was making sure she didn't get drenched after she didn't bring a
jacket. As the rain seemed to never stop they finally decided to head back to his car
until around midnight so they can see the city celebrate. Time passes in the car, many
jokes and dumb photos document the night. 10 Minutes till midnight they decide to go
back to the city center where everyone will celebrate. The whole city center is packed
from the base levels always to the 30th floors of many hotels, they finally decide to pack
into a bridge where even more people are shoving themselves to try to see the center.
2 Minutes from midnight, alexander takes out a letter for holly; she askes "what is this?", alexander responded "Only open it once you get home", she agrees and the clock hits midnight, the whole city bursts in celebration of a new millennia, a new beginning, a "new start", for alexander and holly they were both cheering and uncontrollably screaming like animals with everybody else in the rest of the city. Holly takes out the letter after running out of breath, and asks "why do I have to open this once I arrive home?", alexander responded "No reason, just give it back", holly refuses and starts opening the letter. and reads it to herself...
Once the clock hits 12,
our world will never have existed;
As if time never continued,
we will return to the past
To never have met you will be a challenge but it’s better now for me;
for you
As our walls break down,
it’s clear to see;
there was no relationship just me
As when the clock strikes 12;
Us, You, I never existed.
2 Minutes from midnight, alexander takes out a letter for holly; she askes "what is this?", alexander responded "Only open it once you get home", she agrees and the clock hits midnight, the whole city bursts in celebration of a new millennia, a new beginning, a "new start", for alexander and holly they were both cheering and uncontrollably screaming like animals with everybody else in the rest of the city. Holly takes out the letter after running out of breath, and asks "why do I have to open this once I arrive home?", alexander responded "No reason, just give it back", holly refuses and starts opening the letter. and reads it to herself...
Once the clock hits 12,
our world will never have existed;
As if time never continued,
we will return to the past
To never have met you will be a challenge but it’s better now for me;
for you
As our walls break down,
it’s clear to see;
there was no relationship just me
As when the clock strikes 12;
Us, You, I never existed.
Once She finished reading this, she was agitated and completely confounded on why
he gave this to her, she left him in the crowd. alexander worried for her safety looked
everywhere for her. he finds a call booth and takes some of his last pocket change to try
to call her. The phone keeps ringing and ringing, no answer. It's like she never existed.
a New Year, a New You
17 comments:
Wow great job! I really like the vividness of the poem and the way it ties into the story. The transitions are very blended very well but you do have minor punctuation errors. Other than that, great job :)
I liked your flash fiction story, it read like a movie. Your writing for this piece created a surreal atmosphere. I would have to say my favorite part would be the beginning and the end and how they fade into each other like a never ending story.
I love the build of suspense regarding what the letter said! Very detailed imagery, and you did a great job finishing off the work with a bitterness in atmosphere in stating, "A New Year, a New You." Although there are slight punctuation errors that can be easily fixed, great work!
I agree so much with Kaylyn! Each transition into the next part of the poem flows so well and does not seem like an awkward transition into even the next stanza. I do also agree with the punctuation errors. You missed a few capitals for the name, Holly! However, your piece was very good and the punctuation errors did not effect that at all! Good job!!
Wow, this was amazing! I felt every emotion as I was reading this and I did not want it to end. I wish that was an actual book because I would read this in a heartbeat. This piece was well structured and I love how you wrote the note as if it was on the paper and as if we could see it!
I could picture every scene of the story thanks to your details and description. I liked the structure of the piece, the transitions and how the beginning and end are connected. Good job!
Your piece was well done and encapsulates something many people have gone through at some point in their lives. It is sad to acknowledge however is the truth. Also loved the imagery shown here with the New Year and how it all ties together especially leading to the note.
I felt the emotions through your words as I pictured everything going down. If this was turned in to a story I would most definitely read it because this genre is something I indulge in. I enjoyed this a lot :)
Great Job!!! This piece was very descriptive and I love how the story develops. You did a great job at connecting this story to real life situations. I also loved how the dialogue created the imagery throughout the story. Great piece!! -Aleeyah Staten
November 4, at 6:40 Am
Honestly this is really relatable and these types of relationships happen all the time to all types of people. Also great poem!
I like how you used the point of view of Alexander to illustrate his emotions for Holly and the unfortunate realization that she doesn't feel the same way.
Your structure of starting at the climax and going to a flashback was very clever. It drew me in and got me to focus on each and every word. Also your story was very interesting and very shocking. The way you used specific words to depict the imagery of the story and set a depressing and betrayal tone was very effective.
-Cedrick Martinez
Great job Nathaniel! This piece is amazing and I really love the way you developed both Alexander and Holly along with their relationship. Your story was very moving as well as I began to feel a little bit sad for the characters. Furthermore, your inclusion of a poem was pure genius! It really added to the feel of the story. Keep writing great stories!
This story was very interesting to read and kept me wanting to see what happened next! Your imagery created an easy-to-follow but descriptive scene of New York. This helped move this short story along and keep it lightweight, while also leaving room to love and appreciate the characters here without having it saturated with too many unnecessary details.
Wow! Reading this masterpiece, i felt involved like it was happening in current time and i didn't want to stop reading! Great job!!
I loved the description, and imagery you put in your piece, it made me feel like I was there as it was happening. :)
The way in which you described the relationship before they started growing apart and how great it was, I truly thought that Alexander's letter had a message to try and mend their relationship. Great job in developing the story, resulting in a huge plot twist in the end.
Post a Comment