Waiting patiently in
the white room, the cracked earth that’s my lips begin to blister. Today has
been pretty typical, woke up at approximately 6:00 AM, got ready for school and
wasted the next seven hours of my life without a single drop of nourishment for
my body. Curse my parents for having a loving relationship, I’ll never qualify
for the free lunch program as long as they’re married. Forgot to ask my mom for
lunch money, and there’s no way I’m putting in the effort to make myself a
lunch.
So
now I sit here in the secret white room seven hours later waiting for the meal
fit for a king. My hunger knows no bounds, the four legged table mirroring the
color of the room looks to be a fresh piece of beef in my eyes. So tender, so
enticing, but I know better. The nectar of the gods awaits me, so I take my
time doing nothing in the room. On the outside I look calm and collected but
really I’m ready to burst.
Finally,
the white coated man walks in the room two crystalline glasses in hand. The
decorated clear visage of the cups cannot distract my eyes from the transparent
mirror like liquid in one hand. In the other is a swampy filth with minerals
and dissolute salts dancing around the surface of the liquid. This is the price
I have to pay, at least that’s what I try to convince myself. When the classes
crash to the table I down the filth in one fell swoop of my jaw. The instance
the mess has traveled down my gullet the warm texture of the liquid forces me
to gag, but I keep it down for I know if any of it comes back up the holy
visage in the corner of my eye will not be presented to me. I quickly grab the
second glass and peer into the surface, completely translucent. If one were to
look too quick, the juice wouldn’t even be noticed inside the glass. I take my
first sip of the vial. The cooling sensation of this liquid pressed against me
heals the heaping crevices inside my lips. This euphoric sensation attacks my
central nervous system producing nothing but joy. When I gently place the glass
back down on the white table in the white room, I think to myself, “ Dasani
really is better than Arrowhead huh?”
30 comments:
I read this while I was hungry so your use of description and imagery just made me even more hungry. But good job i loved the diction and comedy in this
First off, Dasani is better than Arrowhead and for that sole statement I will respect you unrelentingly. The incredible imagery in this blog is so vivid and the twist is great. Good job dawg.
Nathan, this blog really shows how advanced you are as a writer and your amazing descriptive writing skills. The post begins with setting up a scenario with alot of imagery and incorporates hidden humorous comments that I found really funny. The way you did not begin by saying that the "disgusting" liquid you tasted was actually Arrowhead water was very clever. Good job!
This story utilizes incredible amounts of imagery and figures of speech in an effective manner! Right from the start, your imagery about how your lips are like the cracked earth was absolutely vivid. Furthermore, the way you describe your hunger and how "the nectar of the gods awaits" you was also very vivid as well. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed your story!
This was such an interesting blog! you did a great job grabbing the readers attention. I was so curious to see what the title ¨Delicious Meals" would talk about - jayleen lupian
I would like to disagree with you, in my opinion Arrowhead is better than Dasani but anyway this is a really great controversial blog post. It was very intense tone, suspense, and I liked how it was very descriptive/has vivid imagery.
I am literally shaking right now. How is it that anyone finds Dasani better than Arrowhead! Dasani is quite possibly the worst water bottle brand there is, being quite literally filtered water straight from municipal water lines. It's tap water. Literally just tap water. ARROWHEAD on the other hand is straight spring water, with a plethora of minerals in it to keep you rejuvenated throughout the day. The answer is clear, Arrowhead is miles better than Dasani by a wide margin.
Thank you for this story. I like the way you described the secret white room and your hunger. I found it comedic. I also liked the figurative language you used like four legged table and fresh piece of beef in my eyes. This also reminds me of the times when I am really hungry. Thank you.
I really liked this story. The way that you talked about your parents marriage and cursing it because they won't get divorce in such a casual way and end it just talking about the way the water brands are better shows what we just learned in class about the absurd. I loved the story it was awesome and funny!
I really enjoyed this piece! From the first paragraph I had already been entertained by the sarcasm. Following that, the descriptive detail and in depth analysis of all that was going on began to make me wonder where it was leading to. Although, by the end I was again laughing at the transition back to simplicity. Overall a great work of literature! -Joshua Kidwell
Nathan, this may be one of the most vivid pieces I've read so far. Your use of color imagery and vivid diction highlights what may usually be considered by some to be a mundane experience; drinking a drink. When I read the description of how the table started to look like beef, the feeling of anxiety and hunger in the moment was very tangible.
- Lance A. Aquino
I find that last part false, because Arrowhead is actually better than Dasani hands down. It definitely tastes better than any water out there that includes Fuji, Voss, and Aquafina.
IM currently very hungry right now. Also, this piece was wonderful i was captivated by every words and amazing use of imagery to sell us the absolute filth of arrowhead.-Carlos Villegas
IM currently very hungry right now. Also, this piece was wonderful i was captivated by every words and amazing use of imagery to sell us the absolute filth of arrowhead.-Carlos Villegas
Nathan, I love the sarcasm you have used in this piece! The part about surviving seven hours of malnutrition is honestly very relatable. You did an amazing jo0b on magnifying such a simple subject matter into something very humorous with all the imagery you have perfected your piece with.
-Xiaoqing Zhongh P.4
Your use of imagery and metaphors really makes the story so much more interesting. Especially in the first paragraph when you compare your lips to the earth.
-Grecia Sepulveda
i really enjoyed reading this story. i love all of the descriptive details you used to completely tie your story together . it made it very interesting and well thought out.
I would first like to start off by saying that Dasani is and always will be better than arrowhead not only because of its superior packaging and over all taste but also because ...... who actually drinks arrowhead water and likes it ?!?!?!?! But any ways moving forward this was an extremely creative and funny post but I think you'll have a wonderful time seeing the arguments/conversations you have now sparked.
-Johnny Gitau
Nathan, I'm not going to lie, this story had me a little confused in the middle. I did not understand until i finished the ending. It was quite interesting -Paul Aureus
Nathan, this piece is really interesting. I liked your use of similes and metaphor through the story, as well as the hyperboles. good job!
Nathan, I like your use of diction and your urge to eat food. It's unfortunate that you don't have free lunch and I'm sure many people can relate to this short story and especially the way you described it (the use of imagery, diction, and metaphors).
-Mayur Chhitu
This is such a funny story with great description. I love how much imagery is in this piece because it really helps the audience form that mental image in their heads. I loved the ending it was such a funny way to wrap up the entire piece!
- Ivan Mejia (Per.5)
I really enjoyed your use of imagery throughout the piece. It really helped tie the piece together as a whole at the end as well. Good job!
This is so relatable to how many of us go through the day. We can nourish ourselves, but we don't put in the effort. Also, your imagery made Dasani sound much better than it really is!
I love how your story was full of imagery and how descriptive you were, it definitely made your piece a lot more interesting to read. Although the story was great, I would just like to say that Arrowhead is definitely better than Dasani.
Wow Nathan I really enjoy how you make the story appear to be so much more than it actually is. You make a dramatic description of the scenery around the character all for it just to be someone waiting to drink water. - Nathan Brown
I hate how short this is Nathaniel! With all of the explicit figurative language used with imagery and descriptions combined, I was intrigued to read more. Arrowhead is awful, its glorified tap.
This was great. I loved how creative this bit was with a completely unexpected ending. Once I read the ending I had to read it again to get it better. Great job!
Nathan, if you ever disrespect Arrowhead water like that again... But beside your transgressions against water drinkers I enjoyed your work> your use of vivid imagery and detailed description (while inaccurate) were well done.
-Braden Bailey
First off, both brands of water presented here are pretty terrible. It's all about that Kirkland Signature water, even though all three of these brands literally go through the same filtering and collection plants/procedures. But on a more serious note, I thoroughly enjoyed your use of imagery and clever use of overstatement to imply a serious tone into a mundane experience. It helps bring out the comedic effect of your writing quite well and I feel like if there was a follow up post to this one then it would be even more successful in its effect. Thank you for making a post that actually made me genuinely laugh. ~Ryan Kang
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