Day 1: I woke up early today. The air smells crisp and fresh. Thousands of others like me wake
up now, too. My home gets loud now. I want to go out right now. No need to change my clothes before I go. I zoom out and find that the Sun is up and the birds are waking as well. The world is beautiful and so bright and full of potential. I zip past the trees and the pond and find a flower patch. They are gorgeous; bright red and yellow and pink and purple. I go in for a whiff. They smell amazing. I'm so glad I live in this world. I wish I could take the flowers home with me but if we all did that, there'd be none left. If we have no flowers, the world would be so dark and gloomy and there'd be no pollination and everything would just fall apart. But that's not going to happen. Every creature on this Earth protects it.
Day 2: Good morning world! Today, I'm going on an adventure. I’m going to go out as far as I can and see new places and find more pretty flowers. My journey will be exciting.
Day 3: It was amazing! I saw tulips and roses and tulips. Everything was so bright and pretty! But I saw something... something strange... it was some massive creature that I've never seen before. It had giant feet and huge hands. It held something that looked sharp, and was coming right to my forest. It stopped moving when it got dark and then I couldn't see it anymore. I'll go and investigate more tomorrow. Maybe I'll make a new friend!
Day 4: I camped out all night so I could be ready to look for the creature. It came out again when the sun came up. Maybe the creature is some type of sun creature? It appears to based its life around the sun. It looked up and saw the sun above head and then began eating. Then, when the sun left, it slept. Today it came into the forest. It looked around at all the trees and animals then left. I tried to follow but it moved to fast.
Day 5: The creature came back again today, this time with more creatures just like it. They were all giant with sharps things in their hands. This time though, they didn't look. They hit the trees with the sharp things as hard as they could. I tried to stop them, I really did. I went up to them and yelled at the top of my lungs for them to stop hurting the trees. I don't understand why they’d do this to the trees; they are so big and green and pretty. The trees would never hurt them. But they didn't care. They ignored my screams and kept hitting. The trees started to fall and they took them away. All that's left of them is a sad stump. They didn't take all the trees though. I'm scared they will be back tomorrow though to take more. I have to stop them somehow.
Day 7: I traveled all night to get home. I got all my friends and family and we all went to the place where I saw the creature. By the time we got back, it was morning. The sun was up, the birds were chirping, but those trees that were stolen didn't get to enjoy it with us. We saw a
up now, too. My home gets loud now. I want to go out right now. No need to change my clothes before I go. I zoom out and find that the Sun is up and the birds are waking as well. The world is beautiful and so bright and full of potential. I zip past the trees and the pond and find a flower patch. They are gorgeous; bright red and yellow and pink and purple. I go in for a whiff. They smell amazing. I'm so glad I live in this world. I wish I could take the flowers home with me but if we all did that, there'd be none left. If we have no flowers, the world would be so dark and gloomy and there'd be no pollination and everything would just fall apart. But that's not going to happen. Every creature on this Earth protects it.
Day 2: Good morning world! Today, I'm going on an adventure. I’m going to go out as far as I can and see new places and find more pretty flowers. My journey will be exciting.
Day 3: It was amazing! I saw tulips and roses and tulips. Everything was so bright and pretty! But I saw something... something strange... it was some massive creature that I've never seen before. It had giant feet and huge hands. It held something that looked sharp, and was coming right to my forest. It stopped moving when it got dark and then I couldn't see it anymore. I'll go and investigate more tomorrow. Maybe I'll make a new friend!
Day 4: I camped out all night so I could be ready to look for the creature. It came out again when the sun came up. Maybe the creature is some type of sun creature? It appears to based its life around the sun. It looked up and saw the sun above head and then began eating. Then, when the sun left, it slept. Today it came into the forest. It looked around at all the trees and animals then left. I tried to follow but it moved to fast.
Day 5: The creature came back again today, this time with more creatures just like it. They were all giant with sharps things in their hands. This time though, they didn't look. They hit the trees with the sharp things as hard as they could. I tried to stop them, I really did. I went up to them and yelled at the top of my lungs for them to stop hurting the trees. I don't understand why they’d do this to the trees; they are so big and green and pretty. The trees would never hurt them. But they didn't care. They ignored my screams and kept hitting. The trees started to fall and they took them away. All that's left of them is a sad stump. They didn't take all the trees though. I'm scared they will be back tomorrow though to take more. I have to stop them somehow.
Day 7: I traveled all night to get home. I got all my friends and family and we all went to the place where I saw the creature. By the time we got back, it was morning. The sun was up, the birds were chirping, but those trees that were stolen didn't get to enjoy it with us. We saw a
swarm of creatures coming towards our forest. They still came with their tree hurting objects.
Some of my friends wondered how we could stop them; they were massive. When they arrived,
they immediately began to kill the trees. One by one, they fell. We all screamed and yelled,
begging for them to stop. They stopped but only long enough to swing their tree killers at us.
That didn't stop us, we kept bugging them but with no success. I see my best friend get on the
monster's shoulder and stab him. We all froze in shock. None of us had ever hurt anything so
why now? But then, the monster shrieked. He screamed and started swinging at us in rage.
Luckily, the pain was too much for him and he left. We all looked around at each other and knew
what must be done. We charged at the monsters and though they tried to hit us away, we were
too fast. We all stabbed them and watched as they screamed and fled. Our forest is safe now.
And so are we, the bees.
39 comments:
The implications throughout are masterful! The title does give a huge hint, although without the title most could guess the topic. Great use of description to help develop your essay! -Joshua Kidwell
This is a very interesting piece because of its unique perspective, which intrigues me. I thought this was a very good way of involving one of our world’s current problems (dying bees/destruction of nature) that may lead to disaster in the future.
I liked how you organized your thought process while writing this short story. I also really enjoyed how you pulled in the sense of adventure that the bee overtook. (Julia A)
Kaili, this piece was unique in both it's message and in the style you utilized to develop said message.I'm impressed with your creativity and ability to use a fictional piece to express the significance of a very real problem. You're an amazing writer with a style of writing that would be highly impactful if it reached a wider audience. I suggest that you consider having your own blog or contributing to a school paper when you go to uni. Great Work! -Ashley Sierra-Tillery
As I was reading the story, the last thing that I would think of is that the main character is a bee! I really liked the creativity that came from this piece, in which you helped describe a story from a different angle, a different viewpoint that no one really thinks about. I also liked the way you organized this piece into separate days, showing a story and a clear cut out turn of events. Well done.
Kaili, I loved this short story, it kept my interest throughout and the details made it easy to visualize. Your description of nature added to the perspective of the bees very well. Very well done.
The format of this story was very intriguing and fun! The perspective that you used for this was very interesting and I think it speaks truth about the world that we live in. It must be terrifying to live as a bee that is being attacked by humans and I think your story perfectly captures that fear as well as sadness. Great job!
I really liked your short story mainly because of the format that you used. The structure of your short story adds suspense and the detail you used made the story more interesting. Writing about the bees was very unique and I enjoyed reading your short story! Nice job!
The way you put this story together and the unique perspective you used was very interesting and it added a lot to the narrative. I enjoyed the message you conveyed and how the environment should be protected. Good job!
This was so cute! I don't know how I did not realize that the speaker was a bee haha, this blog was so creative and fun. I also really enjoyed the true meaning behind it and how it spoke of an issue that us humans have caused.
-Mackenzie Tipple
This blog post is very creative and descriptive which made it easier to visualize. The way you helped us see the story from different point of view is very interesting.
-Nufsat Khan
I love the creativity of this short story! It has a great amount of detail especially when describing the flowers and the trees. I think it was great the way you used the story to convey an actual issue in today's world.
Lindsay Slemboski
I love how the story starts off as peaceful but then develops into a small sort of war between the bees and humans. I like the creative aspect of not revealing the speaker is a bee until the end (if the title was not read). Overall, amazing piece! -Paul Aureus
I really enjoyed reading this post! I didn’t catch on to the fact that the story is from a bee’s perspective until near the end, so that was a nice twist. Also, the description of the humans (watchful giants wreaking havoc on nature with sharp objects) really boosted the horror of the scene with them cutting down the trees. I love how such an interesting, short story can bring light to such a major issue such as deforestation. Incredible job!
Great job! This story was very well written & kept me interested. I like how you decided to write it in the perspective of the bees and how you write about an important problem in today’s world.
I enjoyed reading from a different perspective of life other than humans which gave it an insightful idea of what wildlife is exposed to. I liked the imagery used throughout the story and the effect it had. Great job.
This story was truly unique and very creatively written. Your use of having the point of view come from a bee puts a lot of emphasis on the harmless nature of bees, and it also helped to underscore the message behind your story about preserving and respecting nature. Amazing job, I really enjoyed your piece! - Sandra Mae Samin
I love the uniqueness of your story and I appreciate how much of an interesting read this piece was. Your descriptive details really added to the overall quality of your narrative. Good work :)
I absolutely adore this piece! As of late I have become an avid environmentalist so reading something incredibly intriguing and well written that also bring awareness to issues we face today is commendable. Your personification of the bee was outstanding and the ending was quite satisfying. Wonderful prose Kaili!
Such a refreshing story! Your details and imagery are intriguing and I wanted to just keep reading on and on. The narrator of the story being a bee is a creative twist that definitely gives your story depth. I enjoyed hearing the story from a different perspective other than a human :) Also your structure is unique and I loved that you wrote the story as it was the bee’s journal or diary !
I love how unique this piece is. The perspective of the bee was so interesting and it can provide insight on how the bee community needs to be saved. Good job!
Your story was definitely a heart felt story. I really liked it when you started and ended the story on a positive note. An interesting part is when the exciting journey began. It was also suspenseful. Thank you for caring for nature. Thank you for the story.
i thought the way you organized this piece was uniquely different in a way that made the readers very intrigued. there were a lot of very good details which helped to visualize the story even better
The short story that you wrote was amazing at first i thought the creatures were giant bees, but slowly i started to realize that might not BEE the case (sorry for the pun). While reading everything was so easy to picture with great clarity. Once i got to the end of the story that is when my mind was amazed at the twist. what an amazing short story to read.-Sezar Guitron
The imagery in the story is very vivid and paints a beautiful picture and the perspective of the bees within the story is a very interesting viewpoint to follow. Great Job!
This is such an interesting piece Kaili, I love all the imagery and the setting you set. It feels so creative and original. The ending was so great from beginning to end it was so intriguing. Great job Kaili!
Kaili, this piece was so playing in terms of its fictional elements, but the underlying message is incredibly poignant and holds much truth to it. I would love for this to be produced into a short story or a play of some sort: with a larger audience, I think this could have a large influence on a very ignorant public with environmental issues. I also didn't expect the happy ending! The way the story was going, I thought the humans were going to off all of the bees, but your perspective made it a lot more positive and interesting, great work!
I loved the story it kept me interested throughout the whole story. I liked the diary feel that you went for it was successful and really helped the story move along. I also liked the deeper meaning in the story and i think you di a great job with the description and story telling it really flowed together. Great job
-Soraya Viteri
Kaili, this piece was a very introspective view on the lives of bees. The diction you use to describe humans is one that conveys a feeling of uneasiness that provides an accurate description of how other animals may view the humans who choose to alter the environment by force. Overall, I enjoyed it
-Lance Anthony Aquino
I really would like some kind of continuation of this piece. This was amazing and you really kept my attention throughout the whole piece.
Kaili, I really enjoyed your approach to conveying the Bees'narrative. I liked your use of vivid imagery, it truly made me - as the reader - feel sympathy for the plight of bees. Your ending was very optimistic and I value that. Keep up the good work!
-Anastasia Yulo
This was very well written! The details in this piece made it very interesting to read. The ending gave it a nice "feel good" ending.
-Julissa Saenz
I like the structuring of how it goes through a sequence of days. I also really like how the perspective of the piece isn’t revealed until the end, even if it is sorta spoiled in the title. But my favorite part is the personification of the bees where they have emotions and complex actions, the beginning really makes you believe it might be a human speaker. Overall great post.
This is a really incredible, journal-styled narrative! The way that you structured your interesting story was simple, yet so creative. I enjoyed the coherent imagery you provided. As a nature lover, I almost cried from my visual of the trees being chopped down from the "monsters" while the little, pure bee tried to stop them. Honestly, that moment was heart-jerking for me. While reading, I also assumed the ending would be terrible for the bee narrating so I read the remaining "days" anxiously. However, I was relieved that you gave the bee and their little squad a pleasant ending so thank you for creating a cute, much-welcomed narrative like this!
The diary aspect was actually very interesting because seeing into a bees' life and thoughts was crazy. It is very creative with how the bee views us humans and the imagery was super beautiful! Great job on this! ~Alani Sullivan
Kaili, this was so much fun to read! It's a complex piece, but in a really good way. The deeper meanings inside of it were only amplified by the point of view you decided to tell it in. You are truly an amazing writer. Not many people could convey this message at the level of sophistication that you did.
-Brooke Leslie
Amazing piece! It was told from such an interesting and fresh perspective. In addition it fits to the relevant social climate of trying to help and save the environment.
This is such an interesting perspective and I believe it has a good message for us people. We should be more considerate when it comes to nature and the way you wrote the bees' narrative was very insightful. Overall, this is a very interesting piece with a more unique perspective and a good message.
This was a really interesting read! I loved how interesting the structure was and how it gave perspective to these tiny little creatures of how humans are destroying the forrest. Your imagery was also really nice, and overall a well written piece!
-Alyssa Nelson
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