"Misunderstood" by Alejandra A

     She smiles and laughs all the time, her presence makes people’s days. She smiles so much that her cheeks hurt, but the pain that she has in her heart is much more painful, she feels lonely even when there is people around her. She feels misunderstood, like no one really comprehends the way she feels or why she cries. Everyday she puts on a smile and thinks of it as a new beginning, she leaves her sadness in her nightmares and moves on. If only it was as easy as it sounds. Many times she feels as if the walls of her room are caving in on her and she begins to cry. Her life is so perfect on the outside, she has people who love her, a house,food, luxuries, and gets nearly everything she wants. Her life has been great since she was born but as she grew she became to feel lost and like no one was there to support her through her anxiety and depression. Why would someone with everything, have depression? Why would she feel lonely, when she has people who love her? Those questions are left unanswered because not even she knows why. All she knows is that it hurts and it sucks. Her anxiety takes over her, she begins to feel lack of control over her body and emotions. She feels her face start to tingle while the tears begin to go down her cheeks. She feels nauseous and overwhelmed with emotions.  She begins to catastrophize the future, she think she will not make it to college because she did not pass her math or english test. She cries because she feels like a failure, she cries because she thinks that her dreams of being someone in life are over. It has been a month or two where she no longer cries every night, but now she feels numb, completely numb. It is so hard for her to explain it, because she just feels empty. She is sitting in her favorite class but she no longer feels the excitement she used to, she feels as if she is not really there as if she was invisible to everyone. Now at night she wonders if feeling emotions is better than feeling nothing at all. She no longer knew how it felt to feel emotions her body feels empty inside. Her emotions were like California weather in the winter time, some days they were sunny and other days were like flash floods but at the end of the winter the spring comes by and the flowers begin to blossom, and just like that she gets a new beginning. She began to fight her emotions by always trying to be positive,even though some days are more challenging she is doing much better.