"Dear Diary" by Maria D

March 19, 2015

Dear Diary,
Today I feel connected. Some days I feel intuitive, like I can feel every raging emotion in
someone with one touch, some days I feel mindful, like I can hear every sound around me and
sometimes even the beat of my heart pumping blood throughout my body, and other days I feel
lost, like in a black ocean that never sees the light. But today, I feel connected. For some reason I
have this odd feeling that everything and everyone around me has some sort of connection with
one another that leads back to one place. A place that is me. I not only feel connected to
everyone around me but the ground too … the Earth. I think it is God’s way of telling me
something, because He knows I will listen if he talks to me through the world around me,
because He knows it’s the way I speak and feel. It’s like the Earth is trying to say something to
me, show me something. There is this girl in my class that I barely know but I have talked to her
once or twice, most likely about homework or something that I didn’t catch in class. She was the
first person that I thought of this morning and I have this strong urge inside my chest. It feels like
I need to tell her something but I don’t know what it is that I have to say. I don’t even know her.
I don’t know … it’s like I need to give her advice or tell her something that she will need in the
future. Tell her something and then many years later she will think of that something and it will
make her think of me, bringing her this sense of awareness or something. Last night I had a
dream that I was on top of this canyon. The sky had hints of red and orange and I felt the wind
brushing through my hair at one moment and the in the next moment, I found myself at the
bottom of the canyon. I was not afraid. Beside me was a stream carrying small dandelions to the
other side of the canyon. And then I woke up. I thought of that girl and right now, 8:13 p.m., I’m
writing about it all. I guess I don’t know how to end this because I’m a disconnected connected
person. But I feel like I need to write this down because I have this feeling that I will understand
what it means one day in the future. I feel like one day, all of us will start to piece together our
lives and our subconscious mind will reveal connections we never recognized because our
connections weren’t fully complete just yet. We will understand why we had that urge to talk to
someone we did not even know. We will understand why we had that dream the night before we
had that urge to talk to that someone. We will understand why we took that trip in the summer of
2013 to that field of flowers and picked that one specific flower in that one specific place. We
will understand why that lit candle at the top of the bookshelf fell over and spilled the red, apple
spice wax all over the carpet. And we will understand that every little thing that happens to us
and around us is connected. It is connected to us. It will reveal to us that what we once thought
was not reality was reality.