"Genesis" by Marianne S

     The basis of evolution is adaptation. We conform to changes in our environment,
strengthening our weak points and letting go of pointless habits. In many aspects, this primitive
mindset of survival of the fittest has stuck; expression of characteristics that make us fit in stay in
our gene pool for generation to generation. In our efforts to remain resilient in this philosophy,
we have lost part of ourselves in the process.
     I immigrated into America from the Philippines when I was four years old: young enough
to be malleable in character yet old enough to have a grasp of my native culture. It wasn’t
difficult for me to see how differently I talked and dressed, even in my kindergarten class, and
these differences bred a feeling within me of resentment and scrutiny from my peers. When my
mom would pack me a Filipino lunch for school, I would get upset that it wasn't a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich instead, like the other kids. I rejected my roots and, in its place, I adapted to
the ways of my American friends. As a one and a half generation immigrant, my identity was
split between my new culture and my old one, although I decided within me to neglect my old
one and make the new one more apparent. Because of this, I lost the ability to speak in my first
language, Tagalog, and could only merely understand and speak in limited dialogue since my
family began speaking more and more English at home. My discovery on the euphemism of
immigrants as “aliens” as a child furthered my embarrassment of my past. I couldn’t understand
those who took pride in our home country when I neglected it. I didn't want to be seen as the
“fob” within my peers and I saw the change from a four year old girl to over a decade I became
fully enveloped in American culture.
     But as I grew older, I grew tired of the PB&J sandwiches. I regretted letting go of the
culture I was born into and wished that I could have continued learning and growing with it. I
also came to the realization of how much Filipino culture had continued to shape me, even
without my willingness and acknowledgement. Within me, I found the Filipino characteristics of
hospitality, kindness, and friendship, becoming integral parts of my character. I recalled the
classic Filipino dishes my mom would make for dinner every night, yearning for the home
cooked meals. Entering high school, my mindset widened to see how others were so open to
embracing their identity. I came to appreciate my own identity and I wanted to show my
appreciation. My background defines who I am today, and the expression of my two cultures
have become the structure in my personality. It has shaped my perspective on finding ourselves,
retrieving it from where we have lost it. My journey to becoming self evident in the discovery of
my being meant trial and error. I take pride in the cultures I belong to: my character
manufactured by experience and influenced by nature.