Find the shape and tell it!
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
"Gone In a Flash" by Angel O
5:45 AM and I wake up to an alarm. As I get out of bed, I check the date on my calendar.
February 4. My eyes get wide and my adrenaline starts pumping through my veins. Today is
going to be a very spectacular day. I am getting ready for my weekly photoshoot. After getting
ready, I pick up a small box from behind my drawer and put it into my satchel. I’m almost ready
to go but I become disoriented. I can’t find my camera. I looked under the bed, in the closet, on
top of the refrigerator, in my drawer, even in my girlfriend’s stuff. But, it’s no-where to be seen.
I’m gonna be late to work, and I can’t even find my camera.
Ten minutes have already gone by. I create a loud ruckus which wakes up my love. Lana
yells at me ,” Why are you making all that noise for?”. Shouting back at her, I tell her I couldn’t
find my camera. She told me that it was in her bag because she wanted to check out the pictures I
have taken. We started getting into a huge argument with each other about how she shouldn’t be
touching my camera without my knowledge of it. She came back at me for how I wrecked the
whole house just for “ a stupid camera “. Right after she said that, I quickly grabbed my camera,
and stormed out the door.
It’s now 2:04 PM. It was time to wrap up the shoot. As I take the last shot, as the flash goes
off, my phone begins to vibrate in my pocket. I answer the phone. At that moment, the blood in
my body was drained from me, and time had just completely stopped. This feeling, it’s as if I just
someone had shot me. Losing grip, my phone had slowly slipped out of hands. And I collapse to
the floor in agonizing pain. Rivers of tears begin to stream down from my eyes. All the people
from the shoot crowd around me wondering what was wrong. At first I didn’t respond when
someone asked me what was wrong. Someone else had asked the same question. It was so
difficult for me to say, because I didn’t want to admit the truth. But it came out anyways. My
voice all shaky, almost inaudible.
“ Lana, my love, my girlfriend had just passed away from a car accident. “
February 14. Visiting her grave. I place her favorite flowers, anthuriums. A red colored flower
having a shape of a heart. Before I leave, I take out a small box from my right jacket pocket.
That same box that I had hidden behind my drawer. With a tear of sorrow and depression, I place
down the small box near the flowers, knowing that I didn’t get the chance to get on my one knee
and gift her a surprise that was meant for her ring finger.
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45 comments:
This was especially hard hitting to read, we never know when we can lose people that are close to us. Its unfortunate how at times we have total disregard for others and our surroundings only to find out that it hurts us in the end. We need to treat every moment as if its our last and try to stop ourselves from making regrettable choices. I know the story is possibly fictional but the message is clear either way. Great job!
This story was really eye opening. It's really easy to forget how special every moment is. I thought it was clever how "flash" in the title tied in later in the story when the final photo was taken. Good job!
This piece truly highlights how fast and easily things can be taken from us in the blink of an eye, and to really engage and make the most out of our time with the ones we love most rather than waste it. Although your story had a heartbreaking ending, that is what often makes the readers stay and think about the piece. Besides a few grammatical errors, nothing major. Excellent job!
I really loved this story! I enjoyed how you wrote the piece in first person point of view because it made the story so much more personal. You also did a great job describing the setting of the events and the emotion of the character. This piece is very easy to connect with which makes it intriguing. You did a great job!
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this. It really makes you realize that you can loose anyone you love at anytime even when you least expect it. As soon as I finished reading this I thought about how I would feel if I was the guy and how heartbroken I would be maybe even mad at myself for the fight we had earlier. I even called my boyfriend and parents and sisters and told them all I loved them and to be careful. I also loved and appreciated your cleaver title that made sense and tied to the piece perfectly.
The piece really shows how life just happens so fast, and you cannot take any moment for granted. I like how the pieced showed how you were very passionate about photography but it was conflicted with the other things that was important to you in life. At the end it hit me hard,knowing that it could happen to anyone I care about.
I really love this piece. Some times we focus so much on life and materialistic things that we forget about what really matters in life. We need to take a step back and spend time with our loves ones and tell( and show) them how much we love them. Thank you for making us realize that somethings can be taken away from us so fast.
AJ, I really enjoyed this piece because the ending is not what I was expecting to happen, it actually left me stunned. The way that you tell the story through chronological order makes it really suspenseful, because we don't know what is going to happen the next time that you write. Thank you for writing this for us because it is extremely influential in realizing that we need to not focus on the little things that we cannot control, but instead focus on living every day to the fullest and to love with all our hearts.
This was a tragic piece that conveys how our lives can change in an instant. This was a heartbreaking piece that teaches us to cherish our loved ones and to be grateful for the lives that were given to us. - Jerico Dizon
Great storytelling. I liked the meaning behind the title with the reference to the camera saying that our loved ones can be "gone in a flash", just like a camera going off.
Woow. Well written! I really love how there was a major switch in tone. From that point on, my eyes were glued to the screen. Very emotional story and sad to know that things like this really do happen out there. There's also a huge message behind this story, that anyone can relate to. Great job conveying that!
Very good piece. I was truly not expecting this kind of tale from the first paragraph. It took me by surprise and I enjoyed it even more because of it. The writing also makes you think that things are special and should not be taken for granted. It really made me look at my life in a different perspective, Good Job!
I think you did a great job writing the story, as it was easy to follow the plot of the story. It really made me think of how many times I have ended a conversation and walked away angry and how that any one of those times could have been my last memories of that person. Life is short and unpredictable and one should make the most out of it. Overall, great job!
This was a very good piece. This piece teaches us that we should not leave off on bad terms with someone we care about because something bad can happen to them and our time with them would end on a bad note instead of a good note. Good Job!
As I was reading your piece, I thought that it was a typical breakup story. However, as I kept reading, the suspense of her death was only building up and the announcement of her death had caught me by surprise. The foreshadowing from the earlier argument made a great connection and it allowed the story to smoothly connect and transition.
Nice job with the story. It was interesting with some good uses of descriptive language. It was surprising to see how the story shifted and makes us think on how we should not stay angry with loved ones over minor things. As we never know how long we have with that person.
When you began this story, I was not expecting it to go in the direction it did. This narrative shows how something you hold so close to your heart can be gone in an instant and shows the audience that you must cherish what you have the moment you have it. Your story also exposes our nature to get angry over trivial things, like in this case, the narrator's love taking his camera. Overall really good job.
Despite the depressing, but simultaneously shocking ending, the story did give the reader something easy to follow, with a tragic outcome, that I didn't expect but it demonstrates that you should always let your love ones know that you love them because you never know when they will leave or imminently die. Great story, with excellent dialogue that helps you follow and understand the characters and the passage as it progresses effectively.
This story is an example of how we should cherish every moment with our loved ones because you never know when it will be the last time that you see them again. It reminded me to never leave people I care about on bad terms, and also don't stall events that are important to me because I may never have the chance to do it. Good job!
This was so sad, it really shows how fragile life really is, and how we should really live everyday like its your last. if you love someone you should tell them every chance you get, because it could be the last time you ever see them. You did a great job of showing the emotion of the speaker and that really added to the story, good job!
This really is a tragic tale. I liked the way how the title connects to when the man's phone rang for the news of his girlfriend's death. This story really shows how life can change in a "flash", far from the path one had planned.
This is so amazing. I'm tearing up after reading it. I love how in depth you went with such few words. The emotions were really prevalent through the entire piece. Your writing style is so good. I could really feel as though I were the inner getting that message. This easy so heartbreaking yet so inspiring at the same time. It really emphasizes the importance of appreciating the ones you love and not focusing on the little problems in life because you never really know what could happen next. I loved this piece a lot I would love to see it continues and further developed.
This piece was very eye opening. The imagery throughout the story really helped the tone of the story come out. I felt as though i was there and all that happened to me. Your piece wasn't just telling a story it was also teaching us that time is precise. Overal great piece all together.
Okay, as a photographer this hits too close to home and hope I never get in a fight for a camera. But this was a very well written piece and the tragedy that unfolded truly happened in a "flash". This just goes to show to enjoy every moment with someone because it could be the last. You did a great job with the pace to match your title and well done in creating the tragedy, especially being that they argued last time they saw each other. I could see this developing into a longer story establishing the relationship between the two, so excellent work.
Oh my goodness, what a powerful piece. I love how the the title appropriately correlates with the message of the story in saying that the things we love can be taken from us in an instant, so we ought not stress over the minor things in life.
You did a great job of showing us what it is like living in a world where nothing is guaranteed. You never know when those you love the most will be ripped away from your life. This story was very touching, especially in the last few lines when you mentioned how he was about to propose to his girlfriend before she tragically died. Your description of the feeling of "time stopping" was very well executed, it made me feel as if I was the character and I was hearing the heartbreaking news. Overall, great job!
I cant put into words how great this story really was, it kept me at the edge of my seat the entire time. The emotion it gave off, from the initial argument to the heartbreak at the end.It gave off the feeling that I need to really appreciate who and what I have in my life, for there is not always a tomorrow. WOW this piece was truly amazing, very well done.
The story seems kind of fast past during the first part but as soon as he gets the news the story slows down a bit, as if every detail of that call made the moment endless. It was a great strategy to add descriptive language precisely there. It helped convey to the reader on a sympathetic level.
This story shows the values of expressing your feelings toward a loved one before it's too late. It is truly sad that people go through this kind of situation & it messes them up mentally causing them to be sick. I can't stress it enough to express your feelings toward a loved one before it's too late. Thank you for this wonderful read!
This story uses few words to tell a story that is full of emotion and great imagery. I love how you used an interesting scenario of a photo shoot to continue the story. This story gives the readers an experience of what it would be like to lose a loved one. Good job AJ!
-Kynoa V
AJ, this piece was great and it's plot was so unexpected. I think you made some very intellectual choices in it. Simply throwing in the simple small box mentioned in the beginning and end made a world of difference for the piece as a whole. Also, you're very descriptive imagery made every aspect of the piece more emphatic. Dang, this piece was crazy. Great Job overall, AJ!
This is such a heartbreaking piece, AJ. I love how well the title really comnects to the story. At first, I just thought you were talking about the lost camera being "gone in a flash", but now I know it means much more than that. Your story was wonderfully put out! Thanks for sharing :)
This piece was very melancholy but a strong message was conveyed to act on your feelings because you may never have the chance. Great job, I really enjoyed it and was moved by it.
This story helped me open my eyes to the possibility that anything can change in a second! I've realized that we all have to cherish the little moments.
-Kyle M
This captures the nature of life wonderfully. Sometimes everything that we love can be, as the title states, gone in a flash. Your use of sad and painful diction only heightens the sens of tragedy. Excellent job.
I really appreciated how well you expressed certain feelings in the piece and remained open for the readers to connect with you as well. You did a great job executing the metaphor, especially in the words "gone in a flash." The piece was well written and had great fluctuations in tone.
Throughout your piece while reading I felt as if I could feel how he was feeling throughout the entire piece. I thought you conveyed the shock of how he didn't want to admit what happened perfectly. Overall I thought the message of how anything you love can be gone in a flash was conveyed very well throughout the piece.
This piece was written with great emotion, which I find to be very admirable. The way you elaborated the relationship between the couple shows the true importance of love between one another. Despite a depressing ending, the story provides a life lesson to its readers. Great job!
This story was great using imagery and all the details described in the actions. Even though this story was very tragic we can relate this to today's society how things do really "happen in a flash".
This story really broke my heart. Your diction and detail made for a really tragic and heart breaking story. People are really gone too soon and your whole story truly embodies that. Your use of imagery lets readers see the entire story through the readers eyes.
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