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Monday, May 2, 2016

" The Old Commination of the Sick" by Alexis M.

Normally, when I help Mrs. Tate she will give me extra time to watch the
television so i help out as much as i can. The nurses here are nice but they are
watchful. They are always in a rush that's why i always try to keep out of the way. I'm in
room A16 the children's ward the adults ward is across the hallway. I have tried to get
in it but it is blocked with metal gates. One kid Ansgar claims to have seen it before and
says they tell stories of the place being cursed but he lies like a cheap watch. Ansgar
may lie a lot but he’s still my buddy. During our playing hour Ansgar and me decide to
play ball. Just as we are about to play Larissa another kid from the ward decides to
keep taunting Ansgar about the time he peed his bed. It was his first night here at
Commination of the Sick so it was unfair for her to bring up the event. I asked her to
leave but she stayed instead. I threw the ball at Larissa hitting her in the face. She falls
onto the floor and starts crying. I run through the hallway into the storage room. I close
the door quietly and start climbing the the loose cabinets shelves. I reach the top and
open up the ceiling door hearing Mrs. Tate trying to calm down Larissa. I hop on the
wooden planks that surround the small 4ft room. Nobody knows of this room i only
found out about it a few weeks ago when i was setting the food on the shelves. I had
tossed up a can of soup hitting the ceiling door, it's nearly invisible. I hear Ansgar and a
few others calling out my name Ansgar saying “ Albin Mrs. Tate wants to speak to you!
She's says you are in no trouble but must apologize.” I shake my head and laugh
reenacting me throwing the ball but i accidently hit the wall with enough force to create a
hole. I hold my hand in agony trying to hold in my tears. I look at my hand sure that a
bruise will likely form. I angrily look at the wall and notice a light peeking as i crawl
closer. I hear the door open to the storage room followed by heavy breathing. Frozen,
there’s nothing but silence. The ceiling door starts shaking rapidly as whoever is down
there is banging on it. I forget my hand and turn my body around to try to kick the wall
with my foot. The wall takes no chance to defend itself. Once i break through i can see a
light emitting from the vent cover on the side of an air duct. I can remember Mrs. Tate
saying the vents did not work and they could not afford to fix them. I peeked through the
vent cover that reveals the hallway. I listen and the sounds of children whispering. I start
to move into the darkness trying to reach whatever was on the other side of the air duct.
I knew if i did go back down to face Mrs. Tate it would not end good. I crawl forward and
the air duct seems to be going down instead of up. Five minutes pass and hear the
metal creak loudly and suddenly it breaks apart. Falling down i hold onto the walls then
the air duct hits something and i fly to the top of the air duct hitting the back of my head.
I regain focus a few seconds later and realized the air duct is sinking into water. Not
able to think i use all my strength to catapult out and the water engulfs me. I try to swim
but the water drags me down. I fight the water but find myself sinking even further into
the water. The water drags me under and i can feel it infect my lungs as i try to gasp for
air. My vision gets blurry, i cannot remember anything else. I wake up in a room holding
my chest from the pain. The room is too dark to see anything but as my eyes start to
focus in the dark. I can see tall figures walking towards me. Frightened, i try to stand up
but fall to the ground. The figures get closer and surround me. I cover my eyes and feel
the cold fingers on my skin. They try to grab me but suddenly the ground falls in and all
of us fall into the endless pit. I wake up once again but to Mrs. Tate smiling and asking
me how am i feeling. “What happened?” i asked “Well after you threw the ball at
Larissa’s face you started to run but did not notice the cord to the television and tripped”
replied Mrs. Tate, who then sets a glass of water on my nightstand. “Wherewhere’s
Ansgar can he come in here?” i stuttered. “You need to rest and Ansgar or any other
disruptions will interfere with that” smirked Mrs. Tate. She closed the door to the room. I
laid there trying to make sense of what happened. I started to feel the pain in my chest
again and reached for the glass of water on the nightstand hoping it would cure the
pain. Once my hand was out reaching for the glass. I noticed a bruise on my hand.
Puzzled, I looked towards the door and there stood Mrs. Tate smiling.

6 comments:

Unknown said...

Wow, I can't decide if I'm creeped out or not. I loved the story but Mrs Tate smiling at him at the end gave me goosebumps. You did an amazing job with this story. It was so real I could picture it as I was reading. I love reading stories that involve children, they always intrigue me. Great job, Alexis!

Unknown said...

I was so interested in this it's so different. I was surprised on how short this story was and yet you used so much detail. I like how it was like a mystery at the end making people creeped out and wanting more because I sure want more. It's a very different story that you don't read everyday and that's good because I'm tired of reading material with the same plot or problem so great job.

Unknown said...

Wow this sure was interesting! It was kind of creepy, I must admit, but it was great nonetheless. I liked how much detail you used because it gave me a clearer picture in my head as the story was unfolding. It also had a different plot line which I also liked. Thanks for sharing!

Unknown said...

This was an incredibly interesting piece. i loved how detailed it was to make it almost creepy and horrifying. I was so interested in reading the next sentence. Just thinking about Mrs. Tate smiling is giving me the chills.

Unknown said...

This was definitely a very mysterious piece. Part of me wanted to stop reading because it was so creepy, but the other part persevered because I love a good scare. The imagery you used made this story absolutely amazing. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time I was reading it. Awesome story!
Period:5

Unknown said...

This was such an interesting pice and was very well written! great job!