On a stormy night in the forest a
family was camping out. The family consisted of a mother, father, son, and
daughter. The son’s name was James and the daughter’s name was Alex. The family
was camping in the forest as a family vacation. The family did not have any
communication to the cities close to them.
As the night grew longer, the
temperature dropped lower. James was trying to think of other ways to stay warm
in the cold while the rest of the family huddled together. James then got up
and gathered branches. James gathered branches to make a cover for them to
catch the rain. For the cover, James used three layers of blankets to catch the
rain. Then he used the remaining branches to start a fire.
Although James plan was working, it
did not last a long time. Then without him realizing, James wandered off from
the family. Even though James wandered from the family, he had enough supplies
in his backpack that he carries around to last him 5 days. James tried to
retrace his steps to make it back to the family but the rain washed his tracks
away. By the time James reached the spot where he began he noticed it was
morning and that he was traveling in circles.
3 days passed since James became
lost. James was running low on food, water, and other supplies. He tried
several times to call the police and his family but had no luck. Then when he
was trying to call again, James noticed a shiny necklace on the ground. James
picked it up and saw that it was his sister Alexis’ necklace. He then saw a
trail of blood pointing north. James quickly followed the trail and found
Alexis on the ground. James picked Alexis up and took her where there would be
less rain on them.
James laid Alexis down next to a
tree. He examined her body to see where
the bleeding was coming from. He then saw that there was a big scrape down her
leg. James grabbed bandages from his backpack and rapped it around Alexis’ leg.
He then got 2 thick branches and smoothed them out to help Alexis walk around.
Alexis woke up later that day. Her memory was foggy but she told James what she
remembers about what happened to her. Alexis and the rest of the family were
looking for James until they fell down a cliff. Both their mom and dad died.
5 days passed since James was
separated from his family. In that time, James found his sister, but lost most
of his food and water. James only has 1 water bottle left and 1 small fish.
James decided that they should start walking to civilization. James and Alexis
walked for miles and miles but still did not find any civilization. While they
were walking, Alexis feinted to the ground. James rushed to her side to see if
she was breathing. Alexis was breathing but had a high fever. James stayed with
Alexis giving her warmth and the last of his supplies. Soon, James started to get a fever. With no
supplies, James believed that there was no hope until he felt his body lifted
from the ground. He then opened his eyes slightly to see a paramedic team and
an ambulance carrying him and Alexis to safety. That’s when he realized that he
was going to survive.
5 comments:
Great imagery and description that really puts the reader into the story and in the shoes of James, and his struggle being lost and trying to find his way back to his family. The tragic loss of both of his parents really put the world into perspective as one day can change everything. The only thing I would improve on is the use of pronouns. Overall, the story entices you after every sentence and the ending really wrapped things up.
What I'm wondering is how did the family suddenly fall off the cliff. But, overall the story had great detail and imagery.
-Jazmine Hernandez
Period 4
This story had very crazy and tragic events which made me wonder what more sufferings will occur. I loved how you made James the eager and bold character. Usually, in stories similar to this, the parent looks for help. This shows that even though you are younger, you can help and make a difference. Also, I admire the James character because he looked after his sister when she was sick. I love his determination after all the drama. Great piece!
Jessie Santos
Period 1
Good story! I really like the details and the character James whom we can relate to. Overall, the story was good and had a very intense theme.
Hello. I enjoyed this short story and I admired James’ character. He cared for his sister and also saved both of them from dying. I like your use of imagery since it was a very clear and easy to picture how James was lost in the woods. In addition, I feel like I could relate to James because I have a tendency to get lost in many places. Anyway, I encourage you to keep writing because you have good ideas and topics to write about. Keep up the good work!
Kimberly Chua
period 2
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