One after noon Aubree was with her
cousins in LA just enjoying life. Aubree had a family of 5. A mom, dad and
older sister and little brother. Every one was close to one another. Her dad
was a cop in Pomona and her mom worked as a dentist. Aubree’s relationship with
her dad was great. Whenever they were together she would always be smiling. He
would make her bad days a lot better with his big smile and hugs. So later on in the day Aubree and her family
left LA to come home. Her dad Bert was at S.W.A.T training and was going to a friend’s
party. Aubree and her family were
supposed to go but they wanted to say with their cousins. As they got home
aubree realized her dad wasn’t home yet. So it got later and later and everyone
fell asleep knowing that their dad wasn’t home yet. Around 12:12 midnight Aubree received a call
from her Aunt that her husband was going to pick up her and her siblings to go
to the hospital. In that moment Aubrey was terrified realized that her dad was
involved. As they rush to the hospital Aubree sees all of her dads friends/
co-workers. Aubree runs up to the ICU section and sees her grandma. Her grandma
told her that her dad was seriously injured and that he was in a car crash.
Time went on and more family members came to comfort her. Aubree was in the
hospital with her dad for 3 days. He wasn’t getting anybetter. Then the doctors
pulled the family into a room and pronounced that Her dad was brain dead and
that he wasn’t going to make it. On July 15 the last day of him being of life support.
Aubree was so devastated about this and everything that was going on. They
pronounced her dad dead on July 14 at 6:45pm. As months passed Aubree got
better and realized that he’ll always be with her.
Find the shape and tell it!
26 comments:
This was a very sad story. But very sweet to know that her dad will always be with her.
Well done!
~Mia Tolliver
p.2
Very sad story. I feel like everyone can relate to this story because everyone loves someone that they don't want to lose ever, and some have lost close loved ones. Very touching story. I wish the resolution was longer so it could end on a happier note.
Josie Starr
period 2
This was a great but sad story. It makes you realize that any minute can be your last and that you never know whats gonna happen. However, you could have put a little more details in to make it better but overall good job! - Tatiana Nunez Per 6
That was such a sad story but it was also really good. *starts crying in the corner of a room* okay but first of all, i liked how gave the reader some backstory about the families life before the accident. For example the family and where they lived, the fathers job, and the families relationship with each other. Which made the story even more emotional than what it would have been without it. But that wasn’t the only thing that got me a bit sad though.What made me sad was the fact that good people die everyday in car accidents and their poor families have to cope with he fact that their husband, wife, sister or whatever is not in this world to comfort them anymore. I can relate to this story because its what happened to my family. My brother got into a motorcycle accident and it wasn’t his fault and, he’s in the air force so it kind of gets you mad when you put your life on the line for people that don’t care about yours. S i guess thats why i found your story so appealing. But it was a really awesome and emotional pice.
This story was really sad and dramatic. I like how you put a specific date for when the phone rang for Aubree to answer. This was a very touching story and I really enjoyed it. Overall this was a great story, good job!
- Shayan Khan P6
This was a good story. I like how it's quick, short and to the point. This story could have a bit more description to make it jump out at the reader more but overall this was a good story! Great job! -Altierre Paris Per.2
oh my gosh! what a sad story! I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, but i didnt think it was going to be that bad! I liked how you added at the end that she ended up doing ok because she realized that they were always together. that really made the story a little happier. nicely done.
-Ashlyn Barnes P6
Great story. Its really sad though. The story was sad when they found out about her dad but then she realized her dad will always be by her side no matter what.
Kyle Baker
p. 6
Although this is a sad story, I feel as if many people can relate. Your description and content were great. Good job!
Jobelle Dauz
P.2
Oh my gosh ! This story was so sad and amazing ! Its so sweet to know that her dad will always be with her. I loved how you used alot of details. This story was very touching I can relate to it. Keep up the good work (:
This story was great but I don't like thinking about stuff like this but good job on your descriptions and I like how you said her dad will always be with her no matter what and forever.
-Kamau O
-P.2
Good strory its sad but this stuff happens alot good job.
-Noah Martinez
p.2
this story was really good but also sad at the ending when the dad died, but its also really nice and peaceful I the being but at then is when you start to feel sad. Good job
Great story, I really liked how the character Aubree was able to move past it and gain comfort in the fact that her dad would always be with her. The attention to detail at the end really gave attention to how much this situation affected her where as everything the middle part was hurriedly described like her feelings most likely at the situation.
Margaret Moyer
Period 3
Very good story. It was very sad, but i liked how you said that her and her dad will always be together. Good job!
Joseph Mendez
per.3
this story is very sad and heat breaking. the truth is that anything can happen in just a matter of second and could change someone's life. the good part to know is that she is getting better and he will always watch over her and her family.
jesse jauregui
This was such a sad story but it was still touching and realistic. Not every bad event that happens in our lives ends with a happy turn around. Sometimes things get worse and don’t get better until you are forced to accept it on move on. I think you reminded readers that it’s important to live without the worries of society’s judgment because you should just live and do what makes you happy. You never know how long you’ll have to enjoy it.
Sara Arredondo
Period 1
This was a sad but touching story. It made me realize that anything can happen and to be grateful for my own family
Kenzie McEwan
period 2
Very touching story. It is sad how her life changed so quickly. It is sad that her dad died in the story. Very well written.
Period 6
Luis Toro
The story is very compelling and does invoke within me a series of sad emotions. There are a few suggestions I'd make besides grammatical errors, which is very minor like how you spelled Aubree "Aubrey" once but that happens to even the best of us... We can connect more with Aubree if you went into more detail of how she and her dad spent time together and also how at the end she went through depression and also acceptance.
Period 1
Gian Velasquez
I believe that you did a great job on your story. You could have fixed the grammatical errors in the story and made a stronger connection to the readers and the characters in your story by putting more detail about them in it. Still, it did make me think about how you can easily lose the things and people you love the most in this world in just one moment. You can lose everything that makes you happy and you can take it in two different ways. Either you chose to pick yourself back up and move on or you chose to lose yourself in the process. I'm glad Aubree decided to move on and still keep the memory of her father alive.
Justin Presto
Per. 2
This was a very touching and sad piece. I've never lost anyone in my life so I can't image how horrible it would be like. Overall, great job keep up the great work.
-Philip Ahn
4th
I love how this story tunes the reader into their emotions and causes them to reflect on the occurrences in this story as though they were their own. Though you're slightly lacking some sensory details that would make this piece even more appealing, you did a great job.
This story is a very particular story, in a good way. It utilized a tragic event, and you'd think that it would only get worse form there, but the way it was interpreted, despite he loss, made the entire experience a learning and valuable experience. This is a small anecdote, I'm guessing, with a large moral too it; they say what really matters in life is how many times you get back up when you fall.
This story impacted me. The way that Aubree was so close to her father was so relatable to my own self. You have a good way of making the reader connect to the main character in the story. On an emotional stand point this story almost made me cry! Great job on connecting the background with what happened. It could really show the reader how impactful the loss of her father could have been.
This story impacted me. The way that Aubree was so close to her father was so relatable to my own self. You have a good way of making the reader connect to the main character in the story. On an emotional stand point this story almost made me cry! Great job on connecting the background with what happened. It could really show the reader how impactful the loss of her father could have been.
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