Eight years later, here I am sitting on a park bench,
shaking things up from the daily routine , watching the lives of others before
continuing on with my own. There was a couple holding hands, smiling, and
laughing. They looked like they were in a new relationship taking a stroll
along the side of the park just enjoying their time together. There were children screaming, running, and
laughing completely ignoring everyone else around them. How do they do that?
How are they able to just let loose and be free? I miss it. Why can’t I be just
like them anymore? Loss of innocence? Maturity? Maybe. Or what about expectations?
Suddenly, as I am just casually observing the
world around me, a conversation in the park across from me catches my
attention. “DADDY DADDY DADDY. LOOK! I made this castle all on my own. Don’t
you love it?”, says a girl with hopeful gleam in her eyes. Her dad looks at it
and just nods with a slight smile across his face. "DADDY DADDY DADDY!
Look I made a mud pie!", says a boy, with an equal amount of gleam in his
eyes, who looked just a few years younger than the girl. The dad then turns
from the girl and goes to the little boy for a great big embrace. "I am so
proud you. You are so talented, I know you will be the one to make me
happy." The little boy turns around and walks over to the girl, who I
presume is his sister, laughing, not
completely acknowledging what his dad had just said to him. At that moment,
instantly, all I could think about was how the little girl was feeling, I
looked over at her and she stared at her brother with slight hatred that she
couldn't even pinpoint. I knew exactly
what she was feeling. It was jealousy. Deep jealously. Jealousy she wouldn't
understand for years.
31 comments:
Oh gosh. I can unfortunately relate to this. Coming from my cultural background, boys are treated better than girls, and it sucks because that's how society operates, despite it being the 21st century. This blog entry shows how boys are treated better than girls and how boys are seen as the "pride and honor" of the family. In reality, that's not true. Both boys and girls are equally talented and creative and I wish that society would adopt this completely. The way that the narrator relates to the girl is effective due to the fact it allows the audience to see how the narrator lived their life in the past. In addition, depicting how the boy was gloating in front of his sister allows the audience to sympathize with the poor girl. Overall, this was an interesting take on how there is still gender bias. Great story Kinzah! :)
Simran Bajwa
Period 1
Hey Kinzah! Your piece was really nice. I like how you structured your piece, first, portraying the character looking onto the children to reminisce about her own life. I think we can all relate to that point in out life when we realize that we are growing up and that within that is the development of self-awareness. I think you properly demonstrate this when you characterize these two siblings: the girl and the boy. It's an obvious display of unequal treatment and favoritism, which personally I feel many people have felt at least at one point in their life. The way you described the girl's reaction though, I think, really contributes to how the narrator describes her own feelings. She sees herself in the little girl, but the difference is in the fact that the narrarator knows what it is and the little girl has yet to find out. Anyways, good job hun!
Ohh, Kinzah. I understand your piece because you tell me a lot of things. But i like how you wrote this piece in your point of view of how you saw two siblings trying to make their father proud. Ironically, the dad ignores his daughter but is proud of his younger son. The use of imagery of the gleaming eyes would have persuaded me but i guess it was not enough to please the dad >.< I understand your piece because every time I try to do something to please my parents, I end up not pleasing them and then they start saying "why don't you act more like your sister" because she can do this and that. I'm pretty sure a lot of people can relate to this piece and how we are compared to with someone completely different from others. I like how you are not afraid to share a blog that shows your point of view of your past and the hardships you faced as a child, even now, trying to please your father.
First off, great story! I could feel the emotion you put into this piece. I loved all the imagery you included. The details of the park and the other people you put helped me picture the scene. I felt like I was actually sitting in the park and even sometimes when I'm alone observing others I think the same things you mentioned. I liked your ideas about how jealousy and other people effect your personal life. When you talked about the hatred the little girl had in her eyes, I could relate because sometimes I envy my siblings and the attention my parents give them. For the most part, I feel like this is a great message for others, especially a parent, to see everyone needs to be treated equally and should get the recognition/praise they deserve. It's not nice to neglect others, but sometimes we don't realize we unintentionally hurt/favor others.
Beautiful work Kinzah! This flash fiction story can completely relate to my life since I come from a house hold with three older brothers and no sisters. Fathers and sons always seem to have a stronger bond, which is unfair to girls. This story can have an even deeper meaning if you think about it. In society a larger percentage of men seem to get praised and paid more for something women can do exactly the same. People don't take women seriously, its believed that a man is stronger and more independent than a women. I like the way your bring awareness to this cause in a simple manner. Great job!
Evelin Conde
p.5
3/3/15
I think there is really something to be said about people who can take personal anecdotes and short stories and pack them with meaning and societal relevance. It was interesting, at first reading a short account of someone sitting on a bench wondering about the complexities of societal expectations then witnessing a small microaggression that could shape the life of a young person. It is incredible that the “progressive” world we live in still is blind to a very real situation for half of the world’s population. Thank you for bringing the attention of your readers to this unfortunate truth.
Adan Chavez p.4
Relatable, but in a different way, I am the older sibling so I was usually better then my younger sister at everything so when I did something cool I got a "good Job"! but if my sister did something (that wasn't so cool) she would get a much more enthusiastic "GOOD JOB!!" to make her feel good, nice story
-Anthony Absher
Period 6
Oh wow, 4 stars, I like how you structured the piece, it was cool because im the young sibling so I know how it can be . I also liked how you brought the readers attention to the topic it was really interesting.
Everyone's dad wants to be supportive to their child even if its something they find very unusual. I think this kids dad was just going along with the boy. I love the way you describe the emotions and the way everyone thinks including the jealousy of the little girl
Isaac Garcia
per 6
Great story! The imagery in your story was very good. It was definitely relateable to anyone who has a sibling.
Great story! The imagery in your story was very good. It was definitely relateable to anyone who has a sibling.
Dang Kinz! Nice story man! I was totally nodding my head all through the story, going like "yup, yup, i agree with that". Until the end, thats when I was like "what the heck", what just happened all of a sudden. I think alot of people can relate to a story like this, which is why I really liked it. I love all the imagery and dialogue you used in the story. It made me feel like I could actually see and hear everything, as if it were a movie!
Amazing Job Kinzah!
Elisabeth Domond
Period 5
Wow, I can totally relate to the little girl. I'm the middle child of the family, and in my case, the child who gets less glory. I have two brothers; an older and a younger. I always feel like I'm competing with them for attention. I totally get the "deep jealousy" the little girl is feeling. I really liked how you used a small childhood story and made it so emotional where a lot of people can relate to. Like in our society now we see that boys are usually looked up to more than girls. And honestly, it's not cool, But it is what it is. I really loved your piece and the messaged around it. Good job!
Grace Panjaitan p.4
This is a really great story. I like how the speaker's thoughts were reflected in how she regarded the young children running around the park and also the two siblings, who still have their innocence and are not tainted by having to mature. I like the use of innocent children of an example that conveys what can be the root of problems in some siblings relationships due to favoritism. The situation can be unfair for many kids and lead to resentment, as the little girl was starting to feel. I really enjoyed reading this story, great job Kinzah!
This was really sad and depressing but sadly true, although women have come a far way from being less then men and having almost no rights. In our modern day so iety there is still this stupid superiority of men thinking they must be the alpha, the bread winner. In many countries and even here women are still valued less which was the basis of the story. This story shows how parents are harming there own children without even realizing it. Great job kinzah I applaud your effort to write about such an overlooked subject.
This is so sad yet relatable I love it! I love the clear use of imagery as the character observes those around her. Despite all the other people, the siblings who made mud pies spoke to the character the most. The character clearly relates to the young girl who fails to be recognized and instead experiences jealousy. This is such a great subject to write on and I enjoyed reading it so much :)
Haylie Duncan
Per 4
Kinzah, I learned a lot from your piece. I must learn to let go and treat people equally with compassion. Thank you for sharing this.
Kinzah, I really enjoyed reading your story. It was a great portrayal of jealousy and hatred. I loved how you made the story in the first person and created a conversational type of story, one that you would talk about with a close friend. The imagery you used was also great in showing the unfortunate theme of gender roles still relevant in our society today. Having a brother myself and extremely smart sister, I could very much relate to the message of the story. It is difficult to not feel unappreciated when social standing is placed before one's knowledge or ability, as is seen in today's work force. This piece well explained a very important debate we have in our society today. Great job Kinzah!
- Sophia Bobadilla
Period 1
Kinzah, I was instantly drawn in by the title of your piece and I was curious as to what it pertained to. When I finished reading it I was overcome with the feeling of familiarity and I can completely relate to the situation. Children with siblings are often compared to one another and even children without siblings are compared to others throughout their entire lives. This competition and sibling rivalry can spark dark feelings of jealousy and envy that I am all too familiar with. I loved your piece and the societal issues it addressed!
Kinzah! I really enjoyed your piece. The issue of jealousy between siblings and the issue of equal treatment is something that every parent and kid should be educated on. Since you used the first person throughout the whole story, it made it very personal. Once again i really enjoyed reading your story. Great Job!
So its 2015 and gender equality is still a issue. Your story explored this concept of boys being better than girls, and it was so honest with what would happen in situations such as this. It's crazy how at such a young age girls and boys are expected to behave according to their gender and amount to different things. By using children to show this major issue in society it mirrored the battle we have to truly be equal, the little girls confusion for no being praised can just be interpreted as our inability to be equal in all aspects of life. Good job Kinzah! you wrote a very powerful story.
-Katelynn Gutierrez p.4
The clear detailing of the piece really made the emotions come alive. I had a vivid image of the young girl and boy running up to their father and the differences between his reactions. From this difference, I could then form a clear understanding of the daughter’s subsequent sadness and jealousy. I could connect it to similar instances in my life that have left me in the same boat as the daughter described. I also liked the the difference between the castle and the mudpie as it furthered the idea of sexism in society. Although the daughter had built castle, a structure impressive for a young child, she was ignored in favor of the male’s mudpie which in contrast to a castle is not a very impressive object.
Danielle Delgado
Period 1
March 5, 2015
i really liked this story it was kind of sad how she felt like the unliked child but overall this is a good story
p2
Angel Gonzalez
The way in which you described the emotions of the sister were very relatable. We've all felt a tinge of jealousy and even "slight hatred" as you phrased, towards other people regardless of who they are: a friend, sibling, or stranger. I specifically loved the way you ended the story, like a cliffhanger; It left me wanting to know more about how she perceived her feelings later on.
Kinzah!!! Your piece really gave me insight on the mechanics of the sibling relationship. As the youngest sibling, there has been so many times where I felt jealous of the qualities of my older sisters and helpless because I used to not think I'd never be able to catch up to them.So when you described the dejection of the little girl, it moved something in me. I also thought the your message on gender equality and how it was subtly implied was extremely well executed. Awesome job!
Isabelle Huynh
Per.1
I see a lot of different things with this piece, but first of all, I got the message that people get so preoccupied by the lives of others and focus on what other people are doing that they completely disregard their own. But now, onto the main theme I saw, which was this sibling rivalry aspect. All a child wants is to get the love and attention of his or her parents, and so when they see that their sibling is getting more of what they want, of course there is going to be some tension there. Something like a mudpie, which isn't as extravagant as a castle, was acknowledged by the parent way more, and maybe had something to do with it being his son. Overall, I really enjoyed your piece, and good job!
Anthony Hurd
Period 4
I enjoy the self-awareness of the narrator, who was finally at terms with their problems in their deep past, but not allowing it to affect her present (as I think the character started a new job or was off to college or something). It is definitely a piece that creates closure for a narrator that had endured much throughout their life. The structure of your story worked out perfectly. Cheers.
Kinzah! I loved this story! I like how the narrator is completely removed from the situation and is just sitting and observing. But at the end, she can relate the little girl's situation to her own life, and that gives some insight to what she might have experienced as a child. The ending is very intriguing. I enjoyed the theme and the way you used such a short exchange to convey something much bigger.
Diana Padilla
period 1
Hi Kinzah! I must say this is a beautifully written piece and I enjoyed reading every part of it. It's very important for people to realize the truth in today's society that gender equality is still a problem. Whether it's men and women working or brothers and sisters in a family. This reminded me of the downsides of having siblings and being the youngest daughter. Anyways, I loved your creative title and this relatable story. You did a great job!
This was such a great story! I really loved how this was something almost everyone could relate to. I also enjoyed the tone and narration of the story. I felt like I could feel exactly what the speaker was feeling! Great story! I enjoyed it a lot!
Period 5
KINNNNNNZAH!! this piece was incredible. i dont even know what to say because it all compromises so equally and i can tell the hurt and the low self esteem this child already feels with the envious comparison with their sibling. i did not expect for the title of this to have such a deep felt story especially with the relevant topic of never pleasing our parents even when our best is not their #1 prize. amazing dude!! ahhh!!
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