You are all I think about. The way your eyes lit up when something you like is mentioned. The
way your eye color darkens when you’re angry. Everywhere I go, something always reminds me
of you. Whether it is from the way someone walks or it’s just a simple phrase I hear. You are
always around me and it sickens me. I want you to leave my memory but I also want you to
stay. It’s suffocating me. Sometimes, I walk past the old swing set we used to play on when we
were kids and end up with salty tears running down my face. You were the light of my world but
you sadly left me. It’s quite funny actually, you said you would never leave me but look what you
did.
Your mother cannot even look at me. She says I always remind her of you. We were
inseparable. She says that she misses you everyday. Your father doesn’t even want to talk
anymore and when he does, he gets very angry. I haven’t talked or seen them in a while
though, it hurts too much to see both of them in that state. Why did you decide to leave me? Or
even them? Did I do something wrong? God, all these questions flood into my brain and it kills
me to not to know the answer to them. I’m trying to manage without you, it’s really hard. It feels
like I’m being held underwater for a long period of time and I’m struggling to breathe. No matter
how hard I try, everything is still stuck in my memories. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, your
laugh. I hope you’re doing good wherever you are. I wrote this for you. I love you
Find the shape and tell it!
23 comments:
Wow what a great piece. The imagery you used to convey the ways she is reminded. The way you described the details of her image, and the perspective of her relatives tied in with the emotion behind the story. The diction was the first thing that captured my attention, the short crisp sentences that ended in abrupt periods, portrayed the longing and love you felt for the subject of this story. Great piece, truly enjoyed it!
-Samar Elshekh P.3
Wow Alex that story made me think real hard of who it would be. Has one of your friends passed away if so I'm sorry :(. You told me in class that you had no idea who you wrote that about. No one can make that up without living it themselves. If you just wrote it to pass then wow :.
Your use of imagery really brought this piece to life! I'm so sorry you lost someone so dear to you, this piece will live as a great tribute to her. Personally I know how painful it can be to loose someone so dear and near to you. Great Piece!
I love that this piece has so much thought and emotion in it. The details and imagery that you used makes the speaker's love seem very obvious to the reader, too. This submission was so moving and easy to relate to that as I was reading I almost immediately thought of someone who I once knew. Great job for being able to write so descriptively and make connections with your audience!
This was a great piece. There was so much emotion and feeling put into it. I cant personally relate to having lost someone so close, but your piece paints a beautiful and sad picture of what it truly does well done.
Braden Bailey
-per 4
I love all the emotion that you have used in this. How you were able to use imagery to express the speakers love for whomever they are writing for. This is so amazingly written and it made me think of someone i lost too.
I love how much feeling was put into this piece. I liked how you added some questions into the paragraph to keep the reader going. There was much imagery put into this, which made others and I think about someone dear we lost. Great job overall!
-Valarie Ly
Period 1
Your vivid description of characters inner turmoil and use of thought dialogue is wonderful. If this is shaped from reality i hope you're able to cope better with your loss
THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!! Personally the way you described the feelings and emotions got to me deeply. I love the imagery you put in to this piece! It was truly beautiful.
-Destynee Torres
Period 4
I love this story. This was honestly very touching and cute. It was like i could feel all the love and emotion in just some simple words. Keep up the great work!!!
Angelica Elliott
per.4
Wow I really felt the emotion that was portrayed through your writing. I Felt a sense of sadness and definitely a lot of anger in the voice of the speaker. This emotional piece was well written and it uses vivid imagery. It was a beautiful piece, good job!
-Alicia Alcaraz
Cogswell Period 5
I hated reading this, but I couldn't stop. The fact that these words resonate inside of me, just fills me with anger. I hope, that in due time, these questions will be answered and there will be no remnants of emptiness. I really enjoyed reading this as I can relate to this wholeheartedly. Great job. :D Pd. 2
Alex this was amazing.This was really beautiful and i can feel your connection to the story. Great job
Wow i am speechless, this really pulled at my heart because i can relate to this. I was very impressed by all of the emotion i could feel while reading this. You are an amazingly wonderful writer.
Madison Behee
Per.4
This piece was really interesting. I like how you transition from just thinking about someone that is important to explaining how you are madly in love. In this generation, people seem to really be drawn to love stories and stuff so I feel like your piece really caught the attention of a lot of people. You did a good job of expressing your emotions in your writing and it was so good that I was able to feel what you were feeling in a way and connect it to things that were similar to situations that I have experienced. Overall, I really enjoyed. Great Job!
Dominique Washington
Period 2
dang i really loved that. that was amazing!! i loved the little details of her that you described. perfect!!!!! the detail is so great!!!~english period 1 julianna alvarado
gaawwwddd!! Reading this had to have been the most painful experience but it was SO intriguing which makes it almost impossible to stop. Your piece was filled with so much emotion, but it lacked detail. So many questions are unanswered in this piece. However, you do leave the reader wanting more which is always good. Good job!
I really like this piece! You did a great job describing why this person is special. Many readers will feel emotional after reading your piece.
I don't exactly know how to write to this piece because the amount of emotion filled in those two paragraphs is very penetrating to say the least. I was really thinking about someone very close to me as I was reading this and the different emotions that flooded my head is very overwhelming and every word and phrase made it worse. I loved reading this and its ability to shake me is very admirable.
Death is inevitable and it reaches all of us at some point by taking away our loved ones. I've never lost someone close to me but I think about how I would cope. Death doesn't scare me in a lot of ways but then again it does in other ways. I thought this was going to be just annoy sappy love piece but it was about death. There is a lot of passion and you gathered so much of the readers attention and sympathy as you can see in the comments so great job. I think this would be a great start for a monologue to present at something like Taste of Etiwanda.
Wow. This piece is incredible. I loved the twists and turns you took throughout this story, it kept me on my toes as I tried to comprehend what was truly going on. The emotion you wrote in this story was completely portrayed and felt as it built up. Honestly very, very well written. I encourage you to continue writing and using your emotions to your advantage of writing such heart felt pieces. Well done!
This was a very wonderful piece. I understand where you are coming from. If this story is true, I want to assure you that you are not alone. Well done.
This was a well written piece i really like this piece and how much detail and effort was put into this good job Alex.
Lailah Harris
2-9-16
period 1
Mrs.Cogswell
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