"Purple" by Stephen J.

 

In our day to day lives, it’s not uncommon for emotions to be tied to colors. When I was little, my parents painted my room blue because water always had a soothing effect on me. My mom only wore white and black when my grandparents died, thus my only association with both colors is mourning and loss. One time when I was playing at the park next to my house, I gave a mortified glance to my mom as I had just stepped in dog poop, continuing to only associate brown with disgust. Once, my 2nd grade teacher asked, “What is your favorite color?”. Nonchalantly, I respond, “Purple.” Given that a few of my other classmates had also said their favorite color was purple too, it didn’t come as a surprise when I had the same choice. Though my thoughts and opinions have evolved with time, my choice of purple has remained the same. A combination of red and blue, the secondary nature of purple blends the contrasting feelings of red and blue. Red tends to have an association with danger, anger, passion, and blood. Blue portrays the opposite: tranquility, freedom, the sky, and sadness.

Playing off the idea of Sigmund Freud’s iceberg analogy of psychoanalysis, blue can be analogous with id and red with superego. The blue of my life is what I describe as my “inner child”, the primitive impulses, non-conformity to the norm, idealistic views of life, and the same child that did just about anything they wanted without a care in the world. It is who I am when nobody's looking; it’s who I am when the mask comes off. Similar to how the water soothed me as a baby, blue is the person I feel most comfortable being. At least that’s what it would have been if social constructs didn’t exist. My red can be described as the social limitations, insecurities, and fear that protect me from harm. Like the angel on my shoulder, my “red” is in a constant battle with “blue”, fighting the impulses for the sake of social acceptance. Most of that “red” is a by-product of my parents and the views they fed me growing up, but also encompasses the morals I’ve obtained through my peers and teachers. It’s the environment that created who you see, the conscious habits that shape the actions I do.

When the concoction of my past is finished brewing, the result is purple. The id and superego forming my ego; red and blue becoming purple. I am my favorite color. I am purple. Rather than a light purple that incorporates more blue, my purple resembles more of a plum. Having lost most of my impulse with maturity, red has taken over my purple from 2nd grade. Purple to me is a key to my mind, unlocking the experiences that I repress that make up who I am. Like yin and yang, purple represents red and blue: the danger in freedom and the freedom in danger. We all have a purple, it just needs to be found.