Years ago in Okinawa Japan lived a young man named Raizo.Raizo was born an
ordinary child who was often picked on because he had purple eyes and that made him
different from the other brown eye children. The bullying was so bad that he considered
suicide so one night he climbed atop an abandoned hotel turned around and leaned
back falling a sheer 25 foot drop on the way down his life flashed before his eyes and
before he hit the floor his purple eyes started glowing and a purple mist emerged from
his eyes rapidly spreading through his whole body and when he was only a few feet
from the ground a portal opened sending him to a dark room he was knocked
unconscious. When Raizo awoke he was still in the dark room then all of the sudden his
eyes started to glow again and the purple mist started to fog up the room he could now
see the room “oh my god” said Raizo “where am i ?” he looked around for a couple of
minutes then he saw an eye scanner so he approached it and put his eye to it. After a
moment of silence lights started to light up a path it's like it wanted Raizo to follow it so
he did and at the end of the hallway he found his corpse. He was in so much shock that
it caused him to wake up. Breathing heavily Raizo said “it was a dream?! Oh thank god
it was all a dream.” He immediately got out of bed and took a look at himself in the
mirror and in the mirror he saw his purple glowing eyes.
37 comments:
HAHA Well this may be a short piece but i enjoyed reading it, I have so many questions the way you ended it with suspense,.. great job.
Ashley Garcia
per.4
I would rather have purple eyes than brown eyes tbh smh...But overall great piece i enjoyed reading it.
-Jazmine Hernandez
Period 4
Wow. Just.... Wow. I've seen many short stories that never went anywhere because of the length limit. This, however, was amazing. It was simple but still elaborate. It sounds like a prologue of a great novel, in all honesty. Very, very good job on this piece.
To be totally honest having purple eyes must be the most amazing thing ever and I don't see why anyone would pick on someone with purple eyes. Really good job with the story.
Michael Retana P.1
To be completely honest having purple eyes would be an amazing trait to have. People only bullied him because they felt dull and boring. They were just jealous heck I'd be jealous too if I saw someone with purple eyes.
I enjoyed your short story, it was very descriptive. You ended the story with the readers on their toes. I hope you could create another small story and answer questions like "How did Raizo get purple eyes?"
-Miren Cancio Period 5
Honestly, the story was pretty interesting and left me with a few questions like "what happened after his eyes started glowing?" For the most part, this was a cool story.
I really did enjoy this short story. Although it was short, it had a nice plot to it and it did keep the readers on their toes. I was sad that it was over when I read it, because I wanted to read/know more! Overall great job on this very descriptive short story!
-Brenda Do
P.3
I found it interesting that you started the piece stating, "Raizo was born an ordinary child," and continue by stating his eyes are purple. Raizo is unordinary and left me wondering how this story may have continued. I really enjoyed this piece. It made me think about how we think we are all special and unique but still with all our differences, we aren't that different from each other. Great job on writing and capturing peoples curiosity!
Jeannette Martinez
Period 2
This sounds like it could be a plotline for a movie! It definitely remineded me of some type of superhero movie! The mysterious moods creates suspense and leaves the reader anticipating more. The fact that it ends on a cliff hanger also intruiges the reader for more. Great job on your piece it was really interesting!
Sabrina H
Period 2
This is a really interesting piece . Although i'm upset that you left such a good piece on a cliff hanger I think it was a good choice because you left it up to the readers imagination.
Johnny D.
Per 1
This was a really interesting story. I liked how he woke up thinking its just a dream but find out that his eyes are still glowing. Its really interesting and it makes you want to know more. Great job!
JC Bagro
period 3
This was very interesting none the less. You have an great imagination Eric :) Keep Writing!
-Destynee Torres
Period 4
For a short story it was cool to read and it made imagine how he looked with he eyes like that. I thought it was really cool to read about keep it up.
This was a really interesting story I liked how he woke up thinking its just a dream but he then found out that his eyes are still glowing , and it wasn't a dream . Its really interesting and it makes you want to know more about the story
Super interesting piece but also super short! I just wish it was longer, but the imagination, detail, and suspense you gave the audience was very good. Nice job!
-Legend Holman p.3
This was short but very well. Most movies have this kind of thing where something bad happens then they wake up, so it was very good.
Logan Donoho
Per 1
This story was interesting and amazing, but very short. However the least it was a good story to me. I would love to have different eye colors than everyone else in the world.
This story had all the key elements to a great novel in such a limited space. I really love what you did in such few words with the descriptions, the suspense, and even the plot twist at the end. Great work Eric!
Great job Eric on applying suspense to your story and adding thriller to it too. This feels like it was from an anime or manga, but that doesn't matter since your story actually gave me something happy to read about. Thanks for giving me something to enjoy. :)
-Period 4
I really like how this story is portrayed in a Japanese setting. It also felt very suspenseful because it includes a lot of anime elements. Good job!
I need to know more!!! What happened next? Great job of keeping the reader on their toes. This piece was short but effective, which isn't always easy to accomplish.
p.s. purple eyes would be so cool!
-kayla salas
This short story had a lot of build up and i kept trying to guess a lot of situations like he could be a superhero or something. Overall, you used many elements of thriller and suspense which i liked very much. The ending was good on how he had glowing eyes after all so there is much more imagination for the reader themselves to create a story of their own.
This story was short but sweet. I really enjoyed this story because it portrayed Raizo as a type of superhero which I am very obsessed over. You really established Raizo's troubles and I as the reader felt sympathy for him. Great Work.
It's crazy how you captured my attention in such a short piece but you did! This story is so creative and what the heck is wrong with him? Purple eyes sound awesome!
Mackenzie Tipple
per.4
I liked how you ended your story on such a cliffhanger! I know it's difficult to write a short story with a limit but I felt you did amazing in your piece. Keep up the good work.
The suspense was amazing in your piece! The Japanese setting was great too! And the addition of anime added to the creativity of the story.
Rodrick Hill
Period 2
that poor dude just cause he was a bit different everyone hated him like what the heck. but this was so cool at the end he ends up with glowing eyes i would have been freaked out it would have been so scary wake up in what seems like real life with glowing eyes then realize its a dream and still have them when you actually wake up great job on this .
At the beginning of the story, it was very sad that a lot was going on and he had nothing to do but decided to commit suicide. After reading that, a thought came to my mind and instead of committing suicide. The guy should had think twice before what he had to do, because suicide is not always the answer. Just know that, suicide is not always the answer, you should think carefully. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, it was very exciting. It got the intention of wanting to read more.
-Michelle Truong
Per.1
Personally, I think it would be cool to have purple eyes lol! This piece shows what bullying can do to some people. It hurts them so much that they decide to hurt themselves. Thankfully this was just a dream!
_ Victoria Ervin
per.1
i really liked this story because it was short and it was unbeliable
per.4
marco Garcia ordaz
This was very well written. you described him in a way that many people could relate too.
Braden Bailey Per 4
i really thought this story was really well written and you put alot of hard work into it. keep writing
per.1 katlyn hall
i really thought this story was really well written and you put alot of hard work into it. keep writing
per.1 katlyn hall
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