10:23 P.M. I'm being followed. I can't tell by who or whom, but I know he's there. I can feel him. When I turn a corner, when I close a window, when I am walking to my car, he's there. But I see him the most when I'm alone. When I lay in my bed at night, alone with my thoughts, he's there. I think I can see him. He's dark...tall... His hoodie covers him, so I can't see his face. I close my eyes but he's still there. He's always there. Watching. Waiting. Waiting for his chance to consume my mind. I try to run away, but I can't move. I'm running, but I'm not moving. I scream. I scream for help, but he's covering my mouth. No one can hear me.
7:21 A.M. I open my eyes and it’s morning. He's gone, he can't survive in the light. I can breathe again. I take a deep breathe, put on my smile, and get ready for work-
5:42 P.M. "It's scary what a smile can hide", I think to myself as I pull into my driveway. I unlock my door and walk inside. There he is, waiting for me. Like clockwork, he's never late. He laughs at me. A cruel, pernicious laugh. But I'm used to it, it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm dead on the inside, I feel nothing. I'm a ghost with a beating heart. He has made me this way. And now, he's all I have. I walk to my room, crawl into my bed and think of the person I used to be. I cry when I start to think of my happy days.
I'm eight years old, it's Hallows Eve. Mom is taking me to the Halloween store to pick out my costume. I want to be a princess. We walk in and I pick out the one I want, it's Snow White, but they're all out. I turn around to leave the store and I see the most beautiful thing I could imagine. It's the Snow White dress, carried by a lady in pink. My mom tells me the lady is returning the dress. I run right over to the check out to make sure no one else gets a hold of it. It's mine, I'm content with my life. I mean, as content as an eight year old can be.
I cry harder with each memory that passes. I start to wonder, "can a person die from crying too much?" Then I fell asleep. I guess that's the answer, eventually you fall asleep.
12:17 A.M.
"Freak!"
"Whore!"
"Loser!"
"No good piece of crap!" -
They scream it over and over again. He's standing there watching. He's the one that controls them. He's telling them to say these things. But like I've said before, I'm used to it.
When we were little girls we used to run to our mommy's and daddy's and make them shoo the monsters away. My daddy had a bottle of "Monster be gone spray" he would spray it under my bed and POOF! Like magic, they were gone. Now we realize that there never were and never will be monsters under our beds. You see, the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head.
No matter how far you run, how loud you scream, or how hard you close your eyes, you'll never get away. Because once you let him in your life, you can't get him out. He may leave for a week, a month, or even a year. But he'll never leave for good. So take it from me, and don't let him in.
42 comments:
EMILY!!!! I loved reading this. The emotion and passion that you put into this piece was evident in every sentence and made the overall product entertaining and captivating. It was overall, very well written!! I loved how you added the times because it really set the tone and gave the work an overall exhilarating feeling. Thank you for sharing your work!!
I loved this...I honestly think every High school student should read this. At first it was confused on who this person was but I finally realized that it was not a physical person it was a mental person, and I loved how that... I don't know how to explain it, how you made him so real. This was nicely written with a lot of detail but not too much You did great!!!
This was an amazing piece. It took me a bit to realize that the person you were talking about lives in your head but once I did it all made sense. Great work!
-Jazmine Hernandez
Period 4
i loved this piece it was clear that you put a lot of work into this. i also love pieces like these because of how relatable they are. Relatable types of works are amazing because people might be going through/ thinking the same thing and it could help them or let them know they aren't alone.
jazlynn garcia
period 2
Intriguing story! I wish it had more detail though. I also wish you elaborated more on "him." It appears that you are speaking of a mental being but it was not very clear. Still, your point was easy to understand. I liked the overall theme of this story.
What an amazing story. At first, I thought the man was a real person until the end when you stated "the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head.", which showed me that the man is just a thought. To me I believe the man is just a thought in someone's head that slowly breaks down a person. The organization of this piece with the time stamps shows that "the man" or the thought destroys a person at night when we are least vulnerable.
-Miren Cancio Period 5
This is incredible. I first claimed on your story because of the title, it felt very mysterious and interesting to me and made me want to read it. At first, I actually thought that the person following the girl was a man but when I found out that the person was in your head it made me love your piece even more. Overall, I really love the message of you piece.
Daveena San
Period 2
This has to be the most thought-provoking thing I have ever read. I admit, at first I had absolutely no idea where you were going with this, with the story line, etc. Then, I got to the end and it all came together. I love how you made a physical representation of that little "demon" that lives in our heads as adolescents and potentially even adults. The concept of bullying is much more powerful than what we would like to understand and the fact that you made it into a physical monster and showed the reader the emotional effect it has, makes it much more powerful yet; great job, I loved the time framing!
Period 3
Hi Emily!
When I first read the title of your blog entry, I honestly thought that the story would be about a girl that you knew when you were younger. However, as I continued to read, I realized that you were talking about yourself. It’s interesting how the “monster” isn’t an actual being but is actually a part of you. I can easily relate this to the daily struggles of life and how you can’t permanently get rid of them but can only rid of them temporarily. Anyway, I also like how your story kept me on my toes; I felt like something crazy was going to happen, until you noted that it wasn’t an actual person following you. I also like how you used time to organize your thoughts in a chronological order and also how you used imagery to explain the situation. I could picture the scenes in my mind vividly.
-Kimberly Chua
Period 2
Wow this was a very powerful story which had a lot of emotion to it you did a great job once I started reading i couldn't stop becasue it was good. Great job.
Lailah Harris
Period 1
EMILY!! This was soooo amazing. There was so much passion and suspense, I absolutely love it! I especially love the ending when you said "Now we realize that there never were and never will be monsters under our beds. You see, the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head." GREAT JOB! Keep it up!
I remember when you first had me read this before it even went up on the blog.The imagery is so real and I began to feel like the character that is going through all this. I love how you wrote this so vividly. Great Job and I love you Emmy!!
This was absolutely incredible. The suspense in the beginning, the separation of times, the relatability through letting us into the character's thoughts, this genuinely read as well as a book i might pick up to read on my own.
Oh my, your title caught my eye from the ambiguity of what it could mean. In the very beginning of the piece, I found it very chilling about who this mysterious figure was. It drew my attention even more as the designated times gave a sense of what is exactly happening and provides a more unique feel to the story. I loved the point that makes you realize how very true it is that the monsters we create are manifestations of our own thoughts rather than real life beings. Great job, Emily!
-Amber Tacderan, Period 2
This piece is amazing! There was so much suspense at the beginning which kept me wanting to read more. At first I was kind of confused, but as i kept going you were able to clarify the subject. Your piece is very powerful and emotional.
-Noelle M
Period 2
This was a really great story. The story was so dark and interesting it makes me want to keep reading. Great job with this story!
JC Bagro
Period 3
This is such a great piece and I love all the imagery you used. Its a little dark but I love it and I started to see the story in my mind great job.
Johnny D.
Per 1
this story was dark and spooky fascinating so much to say about it. Suspenseful and so much imagery
Audriana
Period 4
EMILY! I loved reading this. Every sentence from beginning to end was so intriguing. With some elements of darkness it can really bring the reader back to associate it with their lives. The imagery in your piece is so real and suspenseful. It was definitely worth the read. Great Job!
P2
Wow this is something that everyone should read. Your description of the physical monster made me think of a horror movie,but actually its something that we all have, and its something that we must learn to thwart from getting into our heads. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece, and giving inspiration because we all have issues. Salman
I loved your piece Emily! It was dark, intriguing, and it kept me attention from beginning to end. I was very captivated by the story line and how personal the story was to you. The story line was so captivating because it made the reader think of their dark place. Wonderful work!
Emily Gonzalez
per. 2
From start to finish, it was evident that you had put a lot of time into writing this piece. While confusing at first, the message of the story is very powerful. The sort of ambiguity really forced me to think about what was going on, and the concept was very interesting. I found it amazing how we basically have create these negative thoughts in our own minds, and this could all be avoided if we, "don't let him in." I loved this piece and its message, great job!
Your piece was absolutely incredible and i can tell you put a lot of time and effort into this. This piece had my attention the whole way through. The dark imagery that you used really kept me wanting to read more. Amazing job!
-Legend Holman p.3
Absolutely brilliant! Your detail and using dark and light imagery really help put this piece together. This is one of the things I love about writing and literature is that we are able to see whats going on the inside of others heads and how relatable it is to us. I think all of us have felt like this some point in our life; feeling attacked emotionally.
Emily! I really enjoyed reading this piece! I really like the organization of this story. I especially like that you provided the time because it contributed nicely to the imagery (it made the story even more mysterious and captivating!) I have to admit that the story confused me at first because of the title but as I continued to read it, I realized how significant the title is to the message of your story. The theme of your piece is very powerful and the line "the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head" is haunting me as I type this. You did a wonderful job!
Fiona Cheung
Period 3
Wow! I wish I knew who "he" is. I guess it's supposed to represent something personal that haunts you in every part of your life, but I feel so curious to know what it represents in your life. This was effectively communicated. So much feeling and thought. I thoroughly enjoyed this, so I'd like to congratulate you Emily, you've really done it.
Eloy Guzman
Per. 2
Amazing! Your piece is very thought-provoking and made and I loved your use of imagery! I found it interesting how you used negative thoughts and anxiety and created it into a person. Coming from someone who has suffered I could really relate to this, and I actually really appreciated your message behind it. Very impressive!
This was a very interesting and unique piece. From the title, I thought it was going to be about a friend. As I read the first sentence, it got very dark and eerie. It took me by surprise. Then, I thought it was a stalker. I loved how you described each event and "him". I like the format of how this was written with the time. At the end, I figured out who it was and it was what I least expected. It was a great to read!
- Jessie Santos
Period 1
This piece is so good. At first i thought it was about someone you knew, but as i read, i started to find out it was about the actual narrator. I love how you added the guy in the story. It makes people want to know what "he" stands for. The ending was great, it felt so deep and creepy. Good job!
-Valarie Ly
Period 1
Great job on portraying on who "him" was, even if you didn't mean to portray the monster as "him" (I'm pretty sure you did mean to) I know what you felt like. Almost every child has the same fear of a monster under their bed. I love this from your story "You see, the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head". I thought this was absolutely amazing.
Great job on portraying on who "him" was, even if you didn't mean to portray the monster as "him" (I'm pretty sure you did mean to) I know what you felt like. Almost every child has the same fear of a monster under their bed. I love this from your story "You see, the monsters don't live under your bed, they live inside your head". I thought this was absolutely amazing.
Great idea and very well executed. This brought chills to me that still haven't gone. This piece really made me think about our innocence we all have and lose. The line about the monsters in our heads is something I wont soon forget.
I really liked the story! At first I thought that this would be a horror story and you had created a monster. But I liked how you allowed the reader to realize that it was not an actual monster but actually thoughts of regret and insults and how those things weigh on people minds. I thought the serious tone brought the message of the story out much better than any light hearted or joking tone could.
-Marvin Virola
P5
This story was so creative and it had very strong message. Where did you come up with this idea? Great job!
Mackenzie Tipple
per.4
I really enjoyed how dark and dreary this piece is. Your use of vivid imagery was very well written. It really helped push this story to the next level. Great Job!!
Kayla Weathers
PD.5
This was an excellent story to tell. I feel like you are relating "him" to something like depression or insecurity. Either way you did a great job of personifying it and making it come to life. Great Job!!!!
I like how instead of a physical monster, you created and brought to life an internal monster that in a lot of ways, people have a better way of connecting with. The tone throughout really brought together your message. Great job!
Wow this story is amazing and unexpected I really like how character is battling against themselves/internal conflict. That is really creative. And also you have a good imagination.
Ray Kemas
Prd:4
What caught my attention to your piece was first the title, then by just glancing at the time sequence you incorporated into your piece had me more interested. Everyone has their own personal demons and regrets within their life, eventually they'll go away or its a continues battle! But your tone and detail first had me believing she was living in a haunted house, but turns out shes haunting herself.
Diana Godinez
Period 5
This was an interesting piece to read. You clearly put a lot of effort into this. Well done
Great job! you really did a great job on putting passion in this story and it shines through. I really like reading stories like this. It took a while to understand who the person was but after i learned it was a mental person it all made sense. keep up the good work.
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