`It was sophomore year during finals week. It was my first year back at school in person after COVID. It was so different due to having online classes for the most part. From the stress that I shoved down which ended up building up over time, I ended up having a panic attack. I had never experienced one before so I freaked out as I was struggling to breathe and I could feel all my senses get out of control. It felt like I was going to die. My vision was getting dark and I was starting to shake. Before I knew it, there were tears coming down my face. It was a brief but a high intensity moment. Over time, I was able to get out of that state of anxiety. Despite having been calmed down, I still was in shock of what had happened to me. I just experienced a panic attack. I was asking myself questions such as “ why did this happen to me?” “Why now?” “Is this normal?” Growing up, mental health has never been seen in a positive light so I started to think if I was strange for being overwhelmed with powerful emotions. No one I knew or was close to had experienced this before which made me feel even more like an outsider. I made the decision to be quiet about what had happened to me during my sophomore finals week to my family. I was afraid that they would see me in a different light or have to worry about me. There was a part of me that felt embarrassed about the situation. I was scared of what could have been their reactions. When my last semester final in my sophomore year came up again, I gathered the courage to tell my family. They were understanding and did not make me feel abnormal for my panic attack which encouraged me to have the confidence to share more about how it had occurred. My family helped me understand more about why panic attacks happen and methods to use if it were to happen again in order to distract myself. Recently, I found myself going through the same experience as before. It was around the same time of finals. I was very overwhelmed especially being a senior and how important it is to me to maintain my grades at a certain level. I felt that this time around it was way worse than the first time. I did not get out of the state as quickly as I had prior. I just remember blacking out. When I woke up, I had a massive headache and I drank water to calm down my system. I noticed that by pushing myself too hard, stress got the best out of me.
What I have learned from experiencing anxiety at a high stake is to remind myself that I am just trying my best. There will be situations where I won’t be right or understand and it’s okay. Everything I do won’t be perfect every time because nothing truly is. What matters is the effort I am willing to put in. Mental health is important and it is normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, nervous, and etc. During that time, I was pushing away any stress that I was having instead of dealing with it in a healthier method. Taking the time to take breaks would have decreased my stress. I believe that a positive mindset is a huge component because my mindset at the time was full of self-doubt. As I continue to grow, I will have to listen to what my body is telling me. I can not keep going on in the same pattern because my mental health will be strained. Those experiences will always be significant to me because it showed me what can occur if I do not take care of myself mentally during difficult times. Mental health is as valuable as physical health. Now, I will take my time and find new ways to confront any negative emotions that are affecting me. If I let negativity get to me, I will never be able to improve my health physically and mentally. As long as I focus on myself, it will boost my mindset to be more confident in the things I do daily. To anyone who has ever experienced a panic attack before or there was a time when your health was not the best, everything gets better eventually and it is just a bump in your path that you have to face.
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