I’m not a role model to others. School, and my family had constantly let me down. My parents were going through a divorce during middle school and I became a fantasy, a person who does not care about the world. I began doing band in 5th grade, never practiced music, never learned how to play the music well, just sat there and did what I could. If I struggled I did not ask for help because I was not too motivated to get any better, I was fine where I was at. I had this mentality until my sophomore year of high school. Persisting band regardless of numerous claims of my departure. I normally never practiced did not show up to any extra sectionals or practices if I did not want to, came late, and messed around with my friends the entire practice. In marching band, I learned how amazing people are at music, and how players had solos in the show or performed fun and enjoyable music. I recognized people who were passionate about the band and people who went home even after rehearsal to play more and get better. I never felt the same way until the second semester when marching was over people were placed into separate groups based on skill and I was the lowest. All my friends were in the top groups while I was with the freshmen at the bottom. This made me feel extremely embarrassed. I thought to myself how have I done band all my life and still be ranked the worst? I saw how all juniors and seniors were good at playing their instruments and if I am going to continue playing then I must be good as well. At the end of 2022, I began doing private lessons, practicing, watching YouTube videos, and researching on the internet how to get better. I then joined an orchestra and actually began to become passionate about music and enjoy it.
The end of junior year approaches and I’m ready to release the bad that came with it. The constant stress of school and trying to get better in marching band was not easy for me. An idea of hierarchy formed in my head, the stereotypical cheerleaders and football players. The popular people all played their instruments so well and did not put in as much effort as I did but were much better than me. Occasionally tardy, messing around but they were able to act like this because they knew their music. I felt that I had worlds of work to catch up and be like them and when I tried to mess around or was late I was always given a hard time. I came into a limbo of thoughts believing I should move on from the band and truly quit because I’m no longer finding happiness. However, instead of that, I decided to ask for help. I came to my music coach for guidance and practiced with him getting the music down made it fun for me and soon those foolish thoughts began to fade and I was confident and content with myself. I wanted to take a step further in the band and become a clarinet section leader. This is a role in leadership for a band, you have to be a role model to others and lead your section to success. The application process was one of the scariest things I’ve done. I put myself in a position where I've only recently begun to put my entire self. I had to submit an application, complete an interview, and create a video displaying my creative side and who I am outside of the band. Days and days passed with anxiety. Did I get in? Should I quit if I don’t? Unexpectedly at a season-ending party, I was talking to my teacher to when it was revealed that I got the position and it was the most fulfilling feeling I ever felt. This was the first time I worked hard and spent countless hours feeling anxious and constantly worrying about being a better player and being a better person. This truly felt like I made it.
This event of getting section leader was significant because it demonstrated my personal development. The upperclassmen younger me so desperately wanted to be the person everyone looked up to, but now it was finally my turn. It was the first time I had a goal and actually achieved it. Despite my section leaders yelling at me in past years for arriving late and not having my music down. I proved that greatness can be found. Nobody, not even I, saw me here. I never imagined that I would hold such authority. This event has shown me that I am capable and I cannot simply work when I feel like it. I had to develop the ability to push and improve myself so that I could be a better person not only for them but for future generations to come. So when the next section leader comes they look to me as the leader they wish to embody. In marching band you have to be like a regiment, a word typically describing the army. It is a strict environment with heavy hours. It took me a long time to start taking it seriously but I learned how I wasted so much of my time participating in band for hours and I never even tried to get better at it. That's what being a section leader has taught me. Now I'm a role model.
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