“So, how’s your day going”, Michael asked Allison.
It was somewhat early in the morning, but still too early to have a normal conversation. Although Michael had encountered several of these types of situations before, he was never prepared for them. His number one go to “ice-breaker” sentence was to ask how someone's day has been, even if he had already asked the question previously. Michael wasn’t always as awkward as he is, never being able to carry a conversation for as long as he wanted and initiating conversation was harder than he wanted it to be. But, rather, he was worse at interactions, almost never starting a conversation because he never knew how to. But he also felt a slight shot of adrenaline, only due to the thought of starting to talk to another human being. But something switched inside of him in recent years. He suddenly got the urge to go out and talk to people, to make new friends, and make interesting conversations. Make new and precious memories. Even though he wasn’t too good at talking, he still enjoyed a short conversation and talking to new people.
“It’s going alright so far. Not a lot happening at the moment, as you could probably tell. How about you?”
“I’m fine”, which was Michael’s usual response, “What about you?”
“Well, I mean… Pretty good so far, I guess…”
And he did it again, passing the question to someone who had already answered. It’s not like he necessarily practiced, but he did usually try to think about what to say next in a conversation so as to not come off as awkward or weird. She looked at him with almost a blank stare. But Michael had a trick up his sleeve. He knew how to use his awkwardness as a source of humor, something he could somewhat pride himself on. The humor of the situation struck him and a little smile crept along the edges of his face. It was a game he played because he knew he could never win, or at least not the game. He would win, though, a smile from the other person most of the time. It was more of a staring game, except a straight face and a silent conversation was required. Looking at someone’s eyes and begging yourself not to laugh. Michael eventually got a laugh out of her. Michael has known Allison for a while already, or at least enough that she was used to his behaviors. They went back to their phones, most likely not ready for another “conversation.” Allison went to hers and Michael to his.
But Michael knew there was nothing to do on his phone except for the exhilarating activity of blankly staring at his reflection. He had no one to text. His friend group was very small, but the people he could trust with his true character was even less. The only thing Michael could do now was to contemplate while mindlessly scrolling through the same two apps that he regularly opened. His nerves were somewhat up the day before, never actually able to accept such an invitation, for he had never really been invited to such an occasion. He had friends that regularly went out with their other friend groups and they would reminisce about it. He heard friends telling stories about “this one time” and “another time.” He wasn’t jealous, but thought more longingly of ever having the chance to be around the people he actually cared about, beside his family. He was invited on a little trip by car by some friends. The driver was silent the whole time to stay focused on trying not to crash and Michael and Allison were in the backseat. Sure, there were a couple of times in elementary school where Michael was invited to a birthday party, but even then he couldn’t retaliate against the beckoning comfort of his house.
Now the problem was the way Michael thought about himself being invited. There were instances where he had been invited out somewhere, but in these later invites he began to doubt himself. He never wanted to be a burden on anyone. He never wanted to be the person there that nobody actually wanted them to be. And now this haunts his mind whenever anyone asks him if he wants to go anywhere. This even overshadows his worry of being unbearably awkward in social settings. His biggest worry was about how others felt about them, if those around him would even want him there. And that’s exactly how he felt about this trip. But he didn’t want to miss the opportunity of possibly making a new memory. But his worries always got the best of him. Oh, they don’t really want me here. They probably just invited me out of pity anyways, Michael thought. He hated himself for accepting the invite.
Of what he thought, it had not felt like a long time since they departed on their journey, but the car was finally in park and the invigorating car ride came to an end. And Michael realized that he was there. He wasn’t at home. He wasn’t in his bed and he wasn’t wasting his time on anything else. But he was there with his friends, the people that he would rather be hanging out with, more than anyone else. Sure, they might have only been on a little trip to their local grocery store but he was there with them anyways.
And so, in an attempt to make conversation, Michael looked over and asked, “So, how’s your day going?”
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